FLY Adventure (Fully Love Yourself)

   The detail down to the skulls on the traffic cones by the main roadside is great. Inside there are detailed and fantastical images of people worshiping the Buddha in floral spacecraft and the art isn't finished yet. I spent quite some time watching someone color in the designs. On the back wall is a strange assortment of characters from Batman to Harry Potter and Michael Jackson. It is odd but skilfully painted. There are some art galleries there too with some of the most imaginative and amazing artwork I have ever seen.  The White Temple holds appeal for temple trekkers like myself but art lovers and atheists alike would marvel at it too for the sense of irony and humour it encompasses. I was very travel sick in the mini bus. I seem to stop forgetting how travel sick I can get. I will have to carefully plan my trip to avoid further distress like I had on the way back from the north when the tourist in front of me kept moving his head to block my view through the front windscreen which was the only thing making the long drive bearable.  It had been a long day but I then went exploring the new market that had popped up in town afterwards with my new local friend and indulged in a bit of "normal" conversation i.e. no accents or regional slang barred from the conversation. Simple pleasures and tasty dinners are a nice indulgence!

  The main thing that I took from the retreat (aside from some great new girlfriends who really inspired me and some great mealtimes) was the learning about Buddhism and Monk life in Thailand as we were able to ask a lot of questions and make sense of a lot. Obviously having spent so much time in silent contemplation called for some social eating and I had a lovely meal with new friends at a Mediterranean restaurant that evening and another of those beers that I'm being conditioned to drink hehe.   Though it didn't come in the expected way, I did leave the retreat feeling energised in a sense through the uplifting experience of meeting some incredibly strong and independent women rather than finding some Buddhist inner silence.

In the evening after this busy day of organising, I relaxed in my new found "local" and found myself being serenaded by the effeminate young bartender who plonked himself down at my table with his guitar and belted out some Whiteys in an impressive soprano. This led to an impromptu duet and the couple at the table behind getting an evening’s entertainment from two pretty good singers (I think it’s a fair time to toot that horn) as part of their dinner package. The resident extrovert queens at the bar were rather impressed too. All in all, a good days work! It is nice to have a plan once in a while.

 I also had the first Manicure/Pedicure since my last vacation to the Caribbean and was in high spirits anticipating this nice retreat of the new hotel.  I think if you have use of a car and do not expect something too much nicer than what you’ve had, then this hotel is OK but the food is pretty bad and the restaurant not very clean and as though anticipating the hassle it would take to get Chocolate or anything else for that matter, my body craved Chocolate in the extreme all afternoon. It’s at least 250 baht each way to get to any kind of civilisation from here and the hotel shuttle service advertised online clearly does not exist so I went without and was stuck in the hotel all day.    My problem is that I didn’t plan this trip. I didn’t work out where I wanted to go and how I would get there and that same "freedom" with which I can determine my itinerary as I go along leaves me feeling a bit lost for direction at the same time. Songkran is creeping closer and I may struggle for accommodation in Chiang Mai soon so I really need to find somewhere I feel comfortable and soon. I also need to be prepared to accept that this sort of thing may not be for me and that this trip isn’t about impressing people by roughing it and trying to be someone I’m not, it’s about finding out if this is my thing or not, seeing and doing some awesome things in the process and being OK with whatever the outcome is. That’s why I call it my FLY adventure, because to fully love yourself is to feel that you’re OK regardless of what and who you cannot be and failure isn’t when you can’t, it’s when you can’t try.    I gave up a lot to come on this trip and it may not last a long time and I may not see all there is to see while I’m here but the greatest shame would be in not learning about myself during the process. That’s what I really came to do.

A couple of nights ago I stumbled upon a nice bar near my hotel, where I spent the evening chatting to a Dane and a Frenchman who have been living out here for a while. It's nice to be able to relax and chat to someone once in a while and I had the chance to learn some useful little Thai phrases which I’ve been practicing since.  Yesterday I was in a more positive mood and set off to Doi Suthep temple via my first Thai bus. The driver offered to wait there for me an hour and take me back down to Chiang Mai but I politely declined. It seemed incomprehensible to him that a tourist would have cause to stay longer than an hour and I guess from what I see all the time, it is unusual. I like to take my time and make the most of my aloneness in these spaces so that I can really get a feel for the energy of a place and notice the little things. I found some steps covered in bougainvillea petals from a plant I could not find and that reminded me of my wedding day where my bridesmaids assaulted some bougainvillea plants on the beach and meticulously plucked their petals to freeze overnight and scatter down the aisle. I stumbled upon a hidden garden off the beaten track where a resident monk was watering the real orchids which were growing there (the main visitor area is populated with fakes) and I found a disused and neglected staircase leading down to the forest walkway. I sat in silence near the entrance to a temple watching some flying insects shoot in and out of the little hole in the supporting beam that they had made their home and listened to the disjointed melody of the tourists and visiting Thai ringing the temple bells for luck or blessings. About three hours later when I felt I’d seen what there was to see I found a bus to take me back and waited in the back until the driver was satisfied that it was full. I was dropped off at a shopping centre I had just found out about on the northeast corner of the old city and went in to find some lunch (breakfast) and to have a look around. It was there that I discovered the best playground that a grown up girl can respectably visit - a photographer’s studio where you choose an outfit and have your hair and makeup done so that you can be photographed looking like a Thai in gold jewellery with traditional background decor. Needless to say I was all in. That was one of the most fun experiences to date. I love to dress up and it was well worth the time and money. When I returned to my hotel I washed my feet from all the temple walking barefoot and finally treated myself to a foot massage which was one hour long, very thorough and professional and an unbelievable 170 baht. All in all I had a great day and am looking forward to seeing what my family think of the pictures.

Yesterday was a bad day.  In the morning it dawned on me that I was officially unemployed for the first time since the day after I finished my GCSE exams - when I was 16 (up until now, I was using my annual leave at the end of my contract with work). There's something scary for me in not having a job or a purpose. I am a hard worker and work gives me a sense of achievement and justifies my existence on some level. I work with young people which is very rewarding but also can be thankless work but that's OK because I know and those who are like me know that what we do is worthwhile and good.  Last year was a rough year for me because I came to realise that the path I was walking was not leading me to where I wanted to be.  No amount of hard work in my job was going to take me where I wanted to go which was into a profession with scope for ongoing growth and development so I had to re-evaluate where I was and how I was going to re-route my path. Part of that planning and thinking involved me getting some time and space for myself to learn about me and understand myself better and I have found that on a pre-verbal and instinctive level I need to prove to myself and to others that I am good enough and worthy enough - and work subconsciously lets me do that. Now that I have been freed to have nothing to do in particular and no responsibilities to do anything other than look after myself and ensure I eat and have a place to sleep, I am feeling a little lost.  My family keep reminding me that I have a little bit of time and money with which to enjoy myself and relax; and here I can't decide what to do with either. I want to leave Chiang Mai and see other things but don't know where to begin, which way to go and what I really want.  I worry too much.  I am enjoying myself but conservatively. I'm not letting loose too much because I worry I'll run out of money too fast and have to come home early but if I enjoy myself and can live with that then surely that's my choice?  Yesterday I was ill and stuck in my room which was really depressing - it's not nice to be sick and have no one around to help you get what you need but I managed it, like I've managed everything before. I always make the best decisions I can with whatever resources I have to work with at the time so maybe that needs to start feeling OK.  I'm feeling that I want to meditate for a few days so I'm off to try to find somewhere that I can do that. Maybe along the way I'll get my first Thai footrub. Lord knows I've earned it with all this walking about.

  I got to the yoga class to discover that I was the only student, so got a personal class from the nice instructor which was quite in keeping with my favoured teaching style so I look forward to going there again.   On the way back the Thai dancing had been replaced by a night market and catwalk display of traditional Thai fashion which was another treat and a nice way to end the evening. I think that I could get used to Chiang Mai and may try to stay here for the Thai New Year in a couple of weeks time.

 5,000 baht is about £116; so there’s no chance the tours this man was lining up: (1 day cookery classes, overnight jungle treks, ziplining in the rainforest, learning thai massage) were going to come in under that amount.  Things here are sometimes very cheap but sometimes very expensive and you need to keep an eye on your spending and scrutinise prices e.g. There are starbucks cafes everywhere and a bottle of water there costs 15baht (less than 50p) but an iced drink will set you back 125 for a small size. A can of coke in my guesthouse is about 25 baht but I can get a little coke bottle in a 7/11 for 10 baht. A burger and chips is 70 baht at my guesthouse but a full english there is closer to 170baht. I have kept a full list of all my spending since I arrived in Thailand by using a fantastic app called wunderlist. I simply make a quick note of what I spend as I go (it lists single entries like a to-do list which you tick off later) and every couple of days I get out pen and paper and list things into categories like food, accommodation, internet use and then I can see where I'm over or under spending. I used the same app for things I needed to do or buy before the trip and I highly recommend it. It saves you walking around with lots of bits of paper,  just don’t lose your phone!

The upside was the chicken burger with fries at the hotel which tasted familiar and filled me up for the heartiest meal I've had since I arrived. I'll definitely be having that again before I leave here.  At the risk of sounding a little jaded (already), I do get the sense that the cheapest rooms here which I'm told are full are actually empty and that customer satisfaction is not much of a priority. It seems that for every disgruntled customer they lose, there are plenty more who will follow so some staff in some guesthouses are less than helpful and are disinterested in having people return to them in the future.  I wonder whether (of the thousands of tourists passing through Thailand every year) the louder, ruder and more demanding ones who expect everything to be cheap and wave their money around expecting local people to run after it, have left a lingering bad impression which is rubbing off on the rest of us. What a shame.

.  The problem started when the train abruptly slammed its brakes the first time and came to a stop. Brake slamming can't be a good thing and whilst no one around me spoke English, it was evident from their faces that they weren't expecting sudden braking either and that it wasn't a good sign. We started moving again shortly afterwards and things seemed to be okay but there were a couple more sudden braking episodes followed by stopping for a long time and passengers from the back carriages being moved into ours. All this time no one was explaining anything but passengers were talking amongst themselves in Thai.  To cut a long story short the train arrived in Chiang Mai at 11 pm, three hours late.  My phone was out of credit because unknown to me it was using my credit to give me WiFi access and the battery had also about died. I arrived in Chiang Mai with a vague idea about where nearby hotels were thanks to my husband looking them up and emailing me earlier in the day but despite the quiet and air conditioned journey I was pretty fed up and stressed out. Luckily I found the cheap hotel my husband advised pretty easily and got a decent nights sleep.  This morning I'm off to find somewhere cheap in the midst of the temple area where I hope to be able to stay a week or so in relative calm and have time to read my guide books and decide where to go from here.

. The audio guide is a two hour rental which is enough to stand in the right spots and listen but not to take your time and notice the details so I think I need to go back to this particular temple on a cooler day and take my time to fully appreciate the details and the beautiful buildings.  In the evening I sorted through my belongings - I knew I wanted out of Bangkok but was not sure where and I had clearly over-packed in the toiletries department and needed to make it more manageable to get to my next destination. Having brutally reduced the contents of my bag to the things I really needed, I walked to the Khaosan Road area and negotiated a sale with a market stall which was displaying a "we buy everything" sign.  As I was going to throw the things away and they were not of much value to me, I had nothing to lose. It was embarrassing and amusing watching the two Thai market men going through my stuff. They were amused by my empty spray containers (100 ml for flying) and my clear plastic toiletry bags (also for flights) and they were keenly eyeing the blue luggage bag I didn't need and couldn't carry. It was an old bag I once bought for cheap in London after the zip on a suitcase broke and I haven't used it in years. I was going to give it to a charity shop but I used it to fly here because I was not allowed to take all my liquids as carry on luggage due to the security restrictions (I brought over several months supply of contact lens solution - enough to last me for the full length of my time away). I asked for 200 baht knowing that they would barter with me and a passing Englishman stopped to examine the goods and take an interest in buying things to encourage the sale. I walked away with 150 baht - enough to buy myself a pretty nice dinner at a tourist restaurant or a slap up meal in a local eaterie. Not too bad for a bunch of stuff I was going to throw away. It's something to write home about at least :0)

Please see my other blog site below for the more up to date entries. That site proved to be more suited to a trip than this and as I have limited internet access I am only managing to keep that one up to date properly. When I have time I will post pictures onto here but it may be when I return from my trip. Thanks 

Tuk Tuk

Today I successfully negotiated the river boat from Khaosan/Banglumphu past the famous Wats to connect with the sky train to go exploring alternative areas to stay. Highlight of the day was catching the sunset on Wat Arun which I was just in time to get some fab pics and views of. Loving this "me time" too as it lets me be my more introverted self and think and absorb the sights, smells etc in ways I could not if I was sharing it with someone as i'm such a chatterbox. Not that I haven't had offers. I was invited to party with some nice young travellers on my first day in the city but politely declined as I knew I wasn't ready to share my experiences yet. I want the confidence to find my way around to come from my own attempts and lessons rather than latching onto an experienced individual or group and learning from them. I don't want to feel like anyone is holding my hand. This is my trip, my journey and in some ways very personal to me.

I was feeling a bit miserable this afternoon when I forced myself out of bed on a few restless hours of sleep. Off into the depths of the Khaosan road area I wandered looking for a local sim card and the first place said they charged 200 baht. £5 for a sim card with no credit is not happening so I followed the advice my father always gave that if you walk further down the road, someone will probably have one for less. Location number 2 said it was 300 baht. Definately a no. People tell you that in Thailand the locals are all chipper and helpful but people will be people (and are entitled to not think all tourists are wonderful) and I was meeting a string of unhelpful and disinterested people. So, desperate to get some helpful advice from someone I could communicate with, I wandered into one of the many businesses with Hebrew signs to say hello. I met a couple of nice chatty young staff who confirmed that they were an Israeli company and passed some pleasantries with them. I then asked for advice about the overpriced sim cards and was offered one of theirs for 100 baht with 60 baht credit. Sold. Then as he produced the original sized sim I explained that I needed a micro sim and would unfortunately not be able to use his and which he cheerily told me it wasnt a problem, being Jewish he could circumsize it! I expected a botch job with some scissors and a wasted 100 baht but no, but the man had a specialized sim card gilotine and asked us all to bless it before the snip! No lies thats exactly how it happened. And that was the moment when I knew i'd arrived. My adventure was really beginning and the little discomforts of the night before were forgotten.

I have arrived in Bangkok and the heat is stifling. I chose a cheap-ish hotel in a touristy area and arrived around 8pm. Having stayed awake as much as possible during my flight to Dubai and subsequently to Thailand, I had planned to outsmart the jet lag and set myself up on Asia time ASAP. Unfortunately sometimes the best laid plans go to waste.... My hotel is either on top of or right next to a nightclub. I haven't fully ascertained where the noise is coming from and while the well advised ear plugs take the edge off, they don't quite make enough of a dent on the noise. That and I'm now beyond exhausted having been up two days straight and therefore wired.   I was determined to start on a lower priced accomodation and having arrived here and seen the room I was thinking it was definitely a do-able accomodation. BUT, the ants in the bathroom aren't just in the bathroom they're crawling all over the table which means all over my toiletries and contact lens stuff which is pushing it a little for me.    Also the door locks when you close it and from the outside you can add your own padlock for extra security (another good pointer from someone that means I have one) but from inside there's only the automatic lock so anyone who can get to the hotel keys can enter the room. I have some stick on alarms that sound when a door is opened but my double sided tape let me down (heat maybe?) so I've had to settle for a balancing a glass tumbler on a small lipbalm makeshift alarm - just in case. First nights in a new area and hotel are the worst. The phone in my room has a dial tone but my husband tried to call and couldn't get through so it's as good as decorative. Last but not least when the toilet flushes the tank overfills and spills onto the floor, at least its the clean water coming in...   It's now 2;30am and having failed miserably at sleeping I'm waiting on morning. I think I'll be forced to upgrade to a nice hotel for a few nights or I'm not going to sleep at all and with that mindset i'm going to be going home very soon. Its hard to feel positive and enthused when you haven't slept for two days and you're jet lagged and stressed out.   Here's hoping the next couple days start feeling a bit more like what I had in mind for this trip. I think once my basic needs of sleep and food and a greater perception of safety are satisfied, I can start to plan my next steps.