flowers

one sup of this will have you demanding the news

you’re one of the three survivors after the apocalypse & the other two are visibly passing one of theirs’ phones back & forth having a secret conversation in a notes app

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

Daily reminder to Americans on this website that American war on Iran is bad because Iranians are getting killed not because you can no longer afford going to the movies in the weekends or refill your car 😒

Y'know what, this reminder also includes non-Americans. Let's watch our words and keep the victims of American aggressions in our heart always

formative years? aren’t they all?

show me a permanent self and i will show you a facade or a corpse

I think if zoidberg moved into bikini bottom he wouldnt look out of place at all i wouldnt even notice him there

I like how polite he is because he isnt intruding but curious somewhat

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

Haha yeah eww no thanks

That’s a bug

hope tumblr lasts another 20 years so i can liveblog my midlife crisis

this is much easier if you didnt expect to live past 30 btw

number one rule! never believe ur thoughts after 10 pm . unless its about The Character then believe all of your thoughts wholeheartedly

A girl can be a handsome fella. This is obvious