tryin rly hard

What’s new, what’s new.

Why did I fucking cry to A Boy is A Gun and Puppet today. Whyyyyyyyyyyy?

Fuck, I hate all the shit happening to me. So much change is happening and I just wna find the resolution to all of this.

LMFAO WHYYYYYY

______ back to this post you literally asked me to come out with y’all as I was typing this up. So I went out (super unlike me).

I saw you dancin

She was all over you, gross

I dance much better

And then I fcken danced on some dude and got his number all right in front of you, best believe that shit was just for show smfh that shit don’t matter to me

ALL I WANT IS U GADDAM

Silence, laughter, never anger, always growin together

Wondering if it’s you, I don’t want to risk it.

I am unworthy of love

I am pushing

All my feelings

Deeper and deeper

Further and further

Down

My

Body

Til they reach

The soles of my feet

So that

I can

Stomp all over them

With

Every stride

I make

Without

You

TRULLLLLLLY YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP

Jfc I was so angry with you today truthfully.

It was already something so scary for me to do and idk it just felt fcken overwhelming seeing you. Damn...and then to tell me you wanted to surprise me and how we need to hangout and so much has happened I’m over here really goin lowkey crazy over this.

I supress my feelings so much just so that my Scorpio ass will duck all my overly passionate feeling tendencies. What’s weird is ALL DAY I had this weird feeling as if I were going to see you even tho you told me you weren’t. I was not prepared to see you at all and to be in a position where I’m pretty much working. Ugh fuck, so much to processsss it hurtsssssssssss. How to even cope. You straight up killlllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I think I’m just so irritated bc damn all the sweet shit you fucking say and like wow where r u. I know you’re not my mans but wtf, am I over reacting!!!! I am fucking confused! Ouch!

*cue Helga Pataki* & yet 🙄💕😩

Ooooooof so much feeling going on inside of me I’m pressssssssttt foik.

I hate to complain because I’m really grateful for where I am and who I am and what’s gotten me to be this person but also I’ve been fiending for a point to just catch up with my feelings.

Its like NYE happened and then hellllla other things started happening alongside them and yeah I’m busy but happy but I feel internally crazy a lil lol.

The other day someone asked me where I’m at with dude and I admitted that we’re probably just deep in our lives trying to get that shit to work out before ever trying with each other but I’m a big fat liar that wants attention 🤧

Bc damn dude I have 0 absolute zeroooo lead to indicate I’d be married or have kids in the next however many years. Does that bother me?? A little. Does it stop me from continuing to just do what I do? Lol nahh.

Idk I’m at a constant push and pull with wanting to try with someone and I don’t want anything to hold me back from producing.

Wanted to read books with you