As you probably noticed, everything is shrinking at the grocery store. My Dad calls it “shrinkflation” which I’m not sure if that’s really a word or he just pulled it from space, but hey, it works. 16oz boxes of pasta are turning to 12oz then 10oz. Soon, I expect you’ll get one whole noodle as it’s called spaghetti not spaghettis.
Still, super disappointing for someone who likes food like me and everyone else that needs food to function as the normal people I envy. I’m too fat to worry about this most of the time as I get told often hunger is a good thing; it’s burning fat.
One day, I imagine we will be expected to photosynthesize our food for ourselves daily which I’m not looking forward to as it seems like a lot of standing and sunburn. But, in a weird way, you could tell when people just ate. Like “well there’s Jerry with second degree burns, he must have had a great meal.” Maybe science should work on human photosynthesis next.
I want to write to the food companies that if they want to shrink the food, at least keep the box sizes. My cat needs them. I get amusement of her sticking her head in boxes. Maybe she’s wondering about the spaghetti problem too.
Nah, that’s silly, cats don’t like spaghetti. They do like yogurt though. Don’t trust your cat with yogurt. Even the plain stuff. They like that shit and will grab it from you when you’re not looking. Dirty thieves.
If you are wondering if I’m crazy, probably yes. The real reason I wrote this as everything is getting small. Or, maybe I’m getting too big?
Maybe I should work on my future photosynthesis poses. I was thinking like yoga poses but with the sun blinding you. I can downward dog or cat/cow my nutrients. Aw yiss.
Or, I can just suffer with tiny DollarTree pot pies that would fill a toddler. Human photosynthesis sounds easier. Just need to pack sunscreen.
Edit 1: My Mom reminded me that Garfield is a cat that likes pasta. So, maybe I’ll write to him regarding these spaghetti shenanigans then ask him to write to the President. But, it’ll be addressed from President Garfield which will confuse our current President as he’s been dead for years. I’ll add this to my to-do list.
Edit 2: I was told by my fiancé that shrinkflation is actually a word although my phone says it is not. (I blame Apple on this one for not keeping up with the news.) According to the Google, “shrinkflation is the practice of reducing the size of the product size while maintaining sticker price.” In that case, we are actually dealing with Super Saiyan-shrinkflation that punches you in the stomach twice for being smaller and costing you more. Oh fucking boy. Those yoga poses are looking better now!
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