dead blog lol

okay so a bit of a preface i spent a lot of my teenage years in internet circles that weren’t just considered ‘sfw kink’ they were proud of it. almost smug that their tastes were purer and more like..idk..moral? than those dirty sexual kinksters who got off on it.

and like the main problem for me was both a) purity culture and encouraging shame surrounding sexual thoughts and feelings and b) the erosion of boundaries and the illusion that it’s okay to rope ‘outsiders’ ie people who dont share that kink into it because. it’s not sex! so that makes it okay!

with regards to the first point: because of this environment, the idea that sexual talk was gross (in a KINK COMMUNITY.) and should be othered as like something only for dirty perverts did irreparable damage to me as a developing teenager. it’s taken me years to unlearn the fact that i’m not disgusting for having tastes beyond the most chaste ‘pure’ penis in vagina sex. i’m not even all the way there yet - i still start onto a shame spiral where any sort of intimacy is concerned if i’m not in the right headspace. and all the connotations of ‘anything we dont like is deemed to be dirty and impure and only for gross sexual deviants’ ..ermmmmm…..

The fact that i know there must be other people that have this experience and feel this way is heartbreaking to me. but this is more of a personal anecdote than anything. the second point however. hooh.

i am damn lucky that i was always too clued in and well warned to let any attempts at grooming go anywhere. but they most certainly happened. at the age of 16 fully grown men were dming me about their ‘fluffy sfw’ interest and trying to engage with me at that level

And this to me is the most poisonous dangerous frightening aspect of this sfw kink thing. firstly, people use the term sfw incorrectly fucking constantly.

this does not mean non sexual. just because you’re not posting dicks or tits or pussies does not mean something is sfw.

Would you show your niche ‘interest’ to your boss? Would you be cool looking at that shit in an office where someone can peek over your shoulder and look at your screen? if the answer is no, it is not fucking sfw

sorry but this pisses me off so much because people will use the word ‘sfw’ to mean ‘safe for kids’. ‘sfw/minors dni’ in a kink context is a fucking joke, too - just say it’s nsfw. it is not safe for work because it is kink content, no matter how fluffy and pure it is.

i think there’s a concerning amt of, at least in the circles i was in, people using the excuse of ‘it’s sfw! it’s not sex!’ to justify roping other people in without telling them? in a context where you can get people to unknowingly engage with your KINK it’s just. ugh. and this kind of marries with the first point like. people will be so ashamed of themselves they resort to engaging ‘covertly’ and violating boundaries and it’s just fucking awful and gross.

i can also hear the shouts of ‘but what about asexual people?’ GOOD NEWS! IT’S STILL NOT SFW! NSFW =/= SEX FUCKING. MY GODD. i’m fully for ace people having kinks. for fucks sake for a time i was an ace kinkster. but you cannot treat your kink as a quirky interest or a silly thing you like if it is a core part of intimacy for you. you are creating dangerous flaky definitions of boundaries if you do that, imo.

and i get that not everyone is comfortable calling their kink a kink like sex repulsed people for example but for god’s sake sometimes to establish boundaries you have to use direct language. something that conveys that this is something of that nature.

this is something very personal to me, idk. i’m happy to elaborate on points if asked because i can feel myself getting emotionally invested and a bit jumbled.

but i think a lot of ‘ew sex icky’ sfw kink people need to do a lot of. examining. and consider how the language they’re using might be harming boundaries and helping cultivate an environment that inadvertently shames and others people based on purity culture