Nobody's Crybaby

The following are ways that attract the Sea Bear:

Playing the clarinet badly

Waving your flashlight back and forth really fast (Patrick says flashlights are their natural prey)

Stomping the ground (SpongeBob says they take it as a challenge)

Eating cubed cheese; sliced is safe

Wearing a sombrero in a goofy fashion (such as upside down)

Wearing clown shoes

Wearing a hoop skirt

Screeching like a chimpanzee (From how SpongeBob and Patrick repeat never, this is a VERY big attractor)

Running (makes them attack you again)

Limping (worse than running)

Crawling (even worse than limping)

“move my arm is falling asleep”

“i can’t breathe”

“just jam your knee right up my crotch. this is fine”

“omg get up you’re taking up the whole bed”

“did you just fart” “yes” “it’s okay. release your demons”

“did you just fart” “yes” “okay.” *ten seconds later* “AUGH”

“you’ve got bad breath” “omg do i really” “yes” “i’m so sorry” “it’s okay”

*hand is accidentally on a boob/nipple/genital* “omg don’t move”/”omg i’m so sorry”

*can hear the other’s tummy gurgle*

“i’m hungry” “i’m not moving”

“i have to pee” “nooooooo”

*right as one person is about to fall asleep, one of their body parts jerk and it scares the poop out of the other person*

*hours later when they’ve both fallen asleep and are no longer cuddling, one person stretches and softly punches the other in the face*

bonus:

“do you remember when you used to think you were straight”