gotham pd meets robin
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gotham pd meets robin

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Bruce: stop picking your brother up by his hood and swinging him around!
Jason: but he likes it :(
Bruce: and you- stop throwing him off roofs at criminals!
Tim: But he likes it!
Bruce: and you- actually he can use the hugs and positive reinforcement.
Damian: but I hate it.
Dick: he loves it.
An idea- idk
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Bruce: Damian you can't adopt another pet go put that fish right back to where you found it!
Damian: But- Richard got to adopt a orange cat he found in the garbage because he misses West why can't I get a goldfish to remind me of my previous wealth!?
Dick: No I didn't! Bruce do not listen to him I'm not insane enough to just randomly buy a cat for my tiny apartment you know I'm responsible I'm not- I'm an adult you can't ground me anymore!
An idea- Tim
Tim is very very lactose intolerant but does not care one bit.
---
Bruce: Tim is that coffee?
Tim: yes it is why?
Bruce: Alfred isn't here so how did you get it?
Tim: what do you mean? I'm not an idiot I can make a cup of coffee, unlike you.
Bruce: I'll ignore that comment but that's not what I meant, Alfred is the only one who knows where the soy milk is.
Tim: soy milk? Why would we use soy milk?
Bruce: because you're lactose intolerant.
Tim: no I'm not
Bruce: yes you are.
Tim: ehh I don't think so, I'm above it.
Bruce: ... Above it?
Tim: yes.
Bruce: fine since you're so above it then you won't mind if I leave some medicine right here beside you.
Tim: I do not mind.
Bruce: I know you don't.
...
...
Bruce: Tim?
Tim: hm?
Bruce: why are you curling up.
Tim: no reason it's comfy...yeah.
Bruce: Tim. Take the medicine.
Tim: fine but just because you're forcing me to do this! I can't believe you, making me take disgusting medicine for something I don't have!
Bruce: sure whatever you need to tell yourself.
Short idea- Bats
The bats sue each other all the time, since most of it is Bruce's, Tims or (illegal aka Jason) they'll get into arguments and go to the point of suing and taking each other to court because Gotham court is already silly so why not?
Tim: he stole my mug and I found it shattered in a bag on my bed- it's a clear threat to myself and damage to my property!
Jason: it isn't a threat! Besides how do you know it was me- AND it technically isn't your property cause Bruce bought it!
Tim: ah so your ILLEGAL WEAPON you have right now is Bruce's right?
Jason: You little shit!
Bruce: This is not what I thought they meant when they said they had to go to court...
Stephanie: it's okay Bruce relax if your getting this worked up about Tim and Jason then the next case will shock you.
Bruce: why did you say it like that who's next- Dick? Damian?.... Wait didn't Duke and Cass come with us?
Stephanie:.....
Bruce: please tell me it's not Duke and Cass
Stephanie: ......

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Mini idea- Tim
Every year Bruce makes Tim a blanket, it started the moment Alfred 'encouraged' Bruce to help Tim rest instead of staying up which somehow ended with him making a blanket, one that was soft and fluffy hoping that it will temp Tim into sleeping. It did for a while until he would get bored of it which is why every year Bruce makes multiple blankets for Tim.
Tim now has a whole closet full of different themed blankets and a bed pilled with multiple colorful layers.
Tim has never mentioned what the blankets meant and at the beginning he assumed it was a test but a few years later it's pretty clear it's not a test. So Tim keeps this hidden away and never mentions it not wanting to share this part of Bruce with anyone else. Besides Alfred of course.
Mini idea- Damian
After Damian is revived he develops a fear of sleep...a deep fear of sleep to the point of doing anything he could to stay awake, energy drinks, cold water, rushes of adrenaline.
When Jason was first revived Damian remembered him having the same problem often ending whenever Jason was with Damian or Talia. Damian not wanting to seem weak by making anyone accompany him to rest ends up doing so by finding any excuses to bother his siblings. Any chance he could get often ending with him getting micro sleeps. Except when he's at Jon's place which he now tries to often visit knowing Jon won't question him.
So now whenever he's in a meeting with anyone he ends up subconsciously falling asleep in short bursts.
During Dick's time being Batman 100% he would listen to single mom songs in the batmobile, windows down blaring.
tim has realized the best approach is to not make a big deal out of it like dick does
Damian and Jason are talking in the League
Damian: Why do you think Father left my mother?
Jason, taken off guard because he was just talking about Pokémon: Uh…
Damian: Mother is a very powerful and respectable woman. I don’t understand why Father would have left her.
Jason, trying to decide whether or not to be serious or say the funny answer: Well, you see, Bruce hates women.
Damian, eyes widening: What do you mean?
Jason: He’s just kinda disgusted by the idea of pregnancy and women’s bodies in general. He probably got pregnancy vibes from Talia and thought, shit, I gotta get out of here.
Damian, slightly sad: But Mother and Grandfather said Father doesn’t know I exist. Does this mean he does, and he hasn’t tried to visit?
Jason, realizing he might’ve fucked up: No! No, Bruce was so distraught over the idea of a woman being pregnant that he blocked the whole thing out of his mind. He has no clue you exist, buddy.
Damian: Oh, okay. What were you saying about Charizard?
—
A few years later when Damian joins the Batfamily and is meeting Stephanie for the first time
Damian: How often do you work with Father?
Steph: Oh, you know, as much as anyone else. For a few months, I was Robin, so I got to know him pretty well.
Damian, shocked: You were Robin?
Steph: Yeah? Why’s that so surprising?
Damian: I didn’t think Father would let people like you be Robin.
Steph, sharing a look with Dick and Tim: What’s that supposed to mean?
Damian: A woman.
Steph, narrowing her eyes: Excuse me?
Dick: Damian!
Tim: Women are capable of just as much as men are, Damian.
Damian: Of course I know that. I specifically said I didn’t think Father would want a woman as Robin.
Dick: Why?
Damian: Because of his disgust with women. I was going to discuss it with him soon.
Tim, choking slightly: His what?
Steph, laughing: Sorry, Bruce is disgusted with who?
Dick, trying to stay serious: What did Bruce do that makes you think he hates women?
Damian: He left Mother.
Dick: He had his duties as Batman to get back to, and he and Talia were just different. Their values didn’t align. He didn’t leave because she was a woman or anything like that.
Tim, also laughing now: Wait, wait, wait, you think B left Talia because he hates women? You’re saying he’s gay?
Damian, thoughtfully: I didn’t consider that angle before. Perhaps. But he could simply be misogynistic as well.
Dick: His sexuality is besides the point! He didn’t leave Talia because she’s a woman.
Damian: No, I suppose not. It was because he hates women’s bodies and especially pregnancy. He felt Talia was pregnant, and was so disgusted that he left and blocked it all from his mind.
Dick, Tim, and Steph: WHAT?
Damian, nodding: Yes, I was very concerned when I learned that, too. Now you see my confusion as to why he would let Stephanie become Robin.
Dick: No, Damian, Bruce isn’t misogynistic.
Tim, still laughing: Well, we don’t actually know—
Dick: Shut up, Tim. Damian, who told you those things about Bruce?
Damian: Jason.
Steph: Yeah, that checks out.
Dick: JASON, GET IN HERE.
Jason, entering the room: Yo, you needed me?
Dick: Why did you tell Damian that Bruce hates women and pregnancy?
Jason, squinting: I did wha—OH.
Dick: Yeah, oh.
Jason, looking at Damian: Shit, you remember that?
Damian: Of course. Almost everything I learned about Father was from you during my time at the League. I remember all of it.
Jason: Let’s maybe keep the rest of what I said to ourselves, okay, bud?
Steph, raising an eyebrow: What else did you tell Damian about Bruce?
Jason: Nothing important.
Dick: I feel like this could be very important.
Jason: Nah, it’s fine.
Damian: Does this mean Father doesn’t hate women?
Tim: No, B respects all genders.
Steph: And especially women.
Jason, ruffling Damian’s hair: Sorry, Dami, what I said about B was a lie.
Damian: Oh, what a relief.
Steph: Maybe you should still talk to Bruce about how he treats women, though. You know, just in case Jason was right.
Jason, high-fiving Steph: She’s right. You definitely should. Record it so that we can see his reaction. It’ll help us know how bad of a problem this is.
Dick, shaking his head: What is wrong with you guys?
Damian, seriously: I’ll do that. We can’t be too careful in making sure Father is respectful. Especially to you, Stephanie.
Steph: Aw, the kid likes me.
Damian: You are an acceptable ally.
—
Part two where Damian talks to Bruce can be found here

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Tim and Jason arguing over something:
Jason: "AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE TO BLACKMAIL BATMAN INTO BECOMING ROBIN!"
Tim: "YEAH WELL AT LEAST MOM DIDN'T FIND ME IN AN ALLEY!"
Jason: "HE DID NOT-... Wait... Oh-"
Dick: *WHEEZING*
Damian: "Why are you laughing, circus baby?"
Steph: *Spits out her juice*
An idea- Damian
I like to imagine despite being proper 90% of the time the other ten percent is Damian just finally getting time to be and do odd stuff.
---
Damian: Grayson...Grayson here.
Dick: what you got there little D? Awe a present for me? What is it, a cookie maybe a drawing-
Damian: it's my garbage from my beverage. Take it.
Dick: oh, uh thanks?
---
Damian: if we were cats I would be the better cat than you.
Tim: ????
---
Damian: look! I didn't know you were in this movie Todd! The resemblance is uncanny!
Jason: wha- Thats the Shrek movie you little brat! I'm not Shrek!
Damian: who said anything about Shrek? I was referring to the small man.
Jason: Lord Farquaad?!!
---
Damian: Father look.
Bruce: hm? There's nothing there.
Damian: ....ha.
Bruce: *sigh*
----
Damian: I want that one today Pennyworth.
Alfred: are you sure? You don't like mint.
Damian: I am positive! Do not question me.
Alfred: Alright.
*later*
Alfred: where's your ice cream?
Damian: it was nasty so I gave it to Todd.
An Idea- Tim
(one of my more messy ones)
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I like to believe before Damian and the whole Redhood fiasco Tim was the most spoiled Robin.
Bruce constantly focused on protecting Tim, making him happy, Dick also determined to be a good older brother locked in and spent literal weeks at the manor whenever Tim asked. And Alfred was just happy to cook and help Tim however he can.
----
Tim: I’m tired.
Bruce: Patrol is canceled.
Tim: I didn’t say I didn’t want to go.
Bruce: You looked tired.
Dick: You did look tired. I noticed it too.
Tim: I just yawned once—
Alfred: I’ve already prepared tea and something sweet.
Tim: …
Tim: okay maybe I am tired.
-----
Then when Jason Todd returns or Damian Wayne shows up
Tim notices the fact he's not the center of the world anymore, Bruce doesn’t hover as much, Dick is… distracted, Alfred still cares, but there’s more people to take care of, and Tim, who thought he was invisible suddenly realized he's become more reliant on the pampering once he lost it and spends the next few weeks being angry and frustrated with Jason and Damian while trying to get back his attention. (He slowly ends up calming down after a long talk with everyone after Bruce instead offered his cape to Damian instead of him)
----
This also goes with the YJ.
----
Cassie: My mom would kill me if I stayed out this late.
Tim: Oh.
Tim: Bruce just tracks me through like… six backup systems.
Kon: Six? Isn't that...a bit too much?
Tim: No, it’s fine. He just worries.
----
Tim doesn’t notice the difference until they point it out, how Bruce always adjust missions for Tim, how Dick always checks him over after team missions between YJ and TT. And the fact Tim instinctively ask for things waiting for the others to get it for him.
This soon leads to the YJ trying to teach Tim 'independence' but it's a struggle when Tim keeps looking completely confused when they don't do what he asks.
An idea- JayRoy
I like to imagine Roy just has the fattest crush on Jason, and Jason + everyone else is just oblivious.
-----
Jason: You know your supposed to be trying to escape when I choke you
Roy: Don't rush me.
-----
Roy: Is it gay to have a drama about your best friend?
Dick: Roy I'm flattered but you know I don't like you like that
Roy: *realized who he's talking to.* Oh uh yeah I was talking about you- ah...ha...ha......
----
Roy: hey Ollie? Have you ever wanted to cuddle your best friend?
Oliver: uh no?
Roy: aha...me neither...
----
Roy: hypothetically would I have your blessing to get with one of your brothers?
Damian: no you may not have Grayson!
Roy: huh? No I didn't mean-
Damian: Grayson! I demand you get rid of Harper at once! He is speaking crazy!
----
Roy: soo....hows it going Alfred? I don't think I've seen you since I hung out at that gala months ago with Ollie, uh anyways do you-
Alfred: No I don't know where Master Jason is, and no you may not ask how to woo him and yes I know you like him and no I won't tell anyone.
Roy:... Noted.
-An idea- Bats
I like to Imagine that Damian will just drop random wisdom or sweet words to the other bats without warning or anything. Or perhaps he just says what he thinks/feels idk
----
Damian: It saddens me to see you try so hard to make everyone happy.
Dick: wha-? oh buddy that's not-
Damian: Goodnight Grayson
----
Damian: Todd? You're really good at making me calm down and I appreciate that you understand me in such a way. How you let me keep my weapons, and how you don't pressure me to talk. You are the most understanding brother.
Jason: ... huh?
----
Damian: Cain, I appreciate you.
Cain: <3
Damian: And Brown... you are a good older sister even if you leach off of this family.
Brown: wow actual emotions I didn't even think you were able to say stuff like that
----
Damian: Drake, You are smart.
Tim: ...That's it?
Damian: You are not ready to hear my thoughts, I fear you are too frail and that you will be gone one day. Please take care of yourself it makes me frustrated and sad when you don't.
Tim: ...Well now I feel bad.
----
Damian: Father...
Bruce: Yes Son?
Damian: You stink.
----
Damain doesn't have to say anything to Duke or Alfred since he sees and tells them nice things everyday when in private.
-mini-- where Damian learned it from
Damian: Leave me alone Kent! I can not stand it anymore stop saying such things!
Jon: I'm just trying to tell you how happy I am with you visiting me, you're always supporting me. coming to every game and buying me gifts after I win and-
Damian: SILENT! LEAVE ME ALONE KENT!!
Jon: NO! I'LL KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR COMPANY AND FRIENDSHIP!! YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

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Purpled
Mini Idea- baaaatttsssss
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Damian hates people pointing at him.
Damian: Father! Drake is doing it again make him stop!
Bruce: Tim stop pointing at your brother
Tim: he was trying to mess with my work, he's earned the pointing!
----