Hello Rafiki🤎

I loved you then, I love you still,
A stubborn heart, a reckless will.
You walked away, you let me break,

And yet again I wasn’t enough.Now you are back just for old times' sake.You knew the road that led to me,The girl I'd always choose to be
The one who'd smile through every scar,
And leave the door unlocked, ajar.

You came like rain to thirsty ground, seeking to remember out bodies warmth 
Then left without a single sound.You pulled me close, then pushed away,Studied my weakness and pinned me down.Like I was just a game to play.

My mind says, "Girl, you've learned this pain.
He's only here to leave again."


But hearts are foolish, hearts are blind,
They lag behind the healing mind.

I hate that when I hear your name,
A tiny spark becomes a flame.
I hate that after all you've done,
My heart still races when you come.

But love alone can't make you stay,
Can't make you choose me every day.


No matter how beautiful I am .You are a reminder that 
I am just an option when the rest can’t work out for you.

So now I'm standing at the line,
Between your chaos and what's mine.
Between the dream I can't let die,the trauma of crying with a broken heart in the showers at 2AM


And all the tears I've had to cry.The surgery scars I bare today .Are an epitome of the love we shared


No matter how my heart may feel,
My soul deserves something that's real.

And though I love you, that remains,
A quiet ache, a ghost of chains.
I'll choose myself, I'll walk away,
And mean it this time when I say:

You may be who I wanted most,
But wanting you has cost me growth.
So keep your maybes, keep your views
For once, I am the one I choose.

And if someday my heart still aches,
I'll know that healing often takes
More strength than holding on ever will

I loved you then.But I love me still.

TMK🧸🧸

They say,

"Remember what he did."

And I do.

I remember the silence after.

The confusion.

The way my chest learned to ache quietly.

But before all that

I remember me.

How excited I was.

How I checked my phone smiling for no reason.

How he always looked for me

How innocent hope looked on me.

Like maybe this time

someone would stay gentle with my heart.

I remember how badly I wanted it to work.

Not desperately.

Just softly.

Just honestly.

And maybe that's the part that hurts most.

Not that I loved the wrong person-but that for a little while, I really believed this was love.

And now

I grieve the girl who did too.

The pain is standing in my chest firm

How do I heal this !!!

-🧸 🧸 TMK

TRIANGLE

I wish you knew how much it destroyed me,

But you wouldn’t know, do you even know me?,

It’s just pictures you thought! Did you consider me,

I sigh in disbelief, you knew it would hurt me,

It would hurt you too..only if you were me,

I am so fragile and you know that so why do that to me.

We went to places you already went with her,

I didn’t complain because I thought your over her,

You pointed out the coach you made love to her,

A few months ago you were with her,

You made the call to her,

You compared me to her

But I am me, I ain’t her,

I don’t want to be her,

I don’t know her other than you kept mentioning her,

why be with me… and still want her,

allow me to let you go and get her.

You were never mine,

You claimed to love me on the third date,

You met me when I was not looking for you,

You lost me when I needed you the most,

You didn’t even realize I was drowning,

You didn’t only destroy me,

You destroyed my self esteem too,

You destroyed words places and songs,

You let us go after I walked away for a crime you committed.

One deep conversation and an apology would have fixed us, you say.

So why didn’t you construct it even after you realized it hurt me.

You chose to exenorate me instead of pulling them down.

I waited for hours refreshing your page until it dawned on me,

I am the intruder! YOU..have chosen her and always will.

But maybe in another world you would have chosen me

🧸🧸🧸

And just like that, you lost me!

I wonder 💭 if we will ever talk again

I wonder 💭 if you deleted my number already

I wonder 💭 if you ever think of me the way I think of you

But I will not ask, I will not call anymore,

You will not pick!, I will not call?

You will not call! I will not pick?

Because we are strangers now!

Strangers that share memories!

Every time my phone buzzes,

I hoped it was you missing me,

But it never was, so I finally got the message that you never typed or sent!

I got the message laying in a hospital bed

He didn’t love me,

It's wild how sometimes you meet someone and the connection is instant, magnetic, effortless.only for it to end in confusion, distance, or pain. It makes you question the "WHY??" behind it all.

After much ruminating, I believe those kinds of connections aren't always meant to last forever..they're meant to teach. To mirror something in you. To awaken a lesson, a shift, a reminder. But that doesn't make it hurt any less, it stings!

it's valid to ask: "Why give us something that feels so right, only to take it away?"Maybe it's one of those human experiences where the answers aren't always clear in the moment.

I am spiraling, it’s 1:50AM, my anxiety is burning me!and I just don’t understand WHY!

So I will have to allude to this thought 💭

I truly believe It's not irrational. It's a deeply honest reflection of how emotional and spiritual connections can be both beautiful and brutal.

Three things can co exist at the some time including beauty, distance and pain I wish they didn't but I believe They do!!!

No more good morning texts,

No more good night texts,

No more I love you,

No more what are you doing texts,

No more I arrived safely and be safe,

No more I miss you texts

No more reminders,

No more future plans,

No more listening to how your work is doing so far/ your rants or the problems you are facing,

No more compliments,

No more calls after classes,

No more disagreements,

No more notifications from you

My heart is bleeding, but,

You never think that ….

the last time, was the last time!

That, the last hug, was the last hug!

You think there will be more , right!

How silly of us to think we had forever!

We should have hugged tighter the last time we saw each other.