The Flickering Candlelights

to the headmates who can't talk about their sources.

to the headmates who feel ashamed about what their sources were about, even if they're disconnected from the events in that source.

to the headmates who can't talk about their source without fearing people will go "oh... okay" and never look at you the same way again.

to the headmates who had no say in how they came to be or why they came to be.

to the headmates who think they'll be shunned for talking about how they formed.

to the headmates who hate their brain for forming them how it did.

to the headmates who can't talk about their origin at all.

Endos please be aware of this being a thing.

I need every single person to understand how horrible tumblr’s tagging system is

I go into the tag for epilepsy and its all flashing lights. We can’t use our own tag because people without epilepsy fill it up with improper warnings.

Use ‘flashing’ in place of ‘epilepsy’ in your tags. You aren’t warning people of epileptics, you’re warning us of flashing lights. Please please tag properly. Epileptics say this endlessly and constantly and it’s ignored. You are risking lives by doing this.

Here’s proof of what I mean:

So basically in a nutshell I like to think of our inner being as a vast, empty dark void (scary ik lol #emo). But within this void lies many, many unlit candles, which these candles are all different shapes and sizes, some are smaller some are larger, etc. Within the large array of candles lies a group of lit candles, these lit candles all represent all of us (crumbs, fragments, facets, etc), and usually the bigger the candle the more stable and formed the part is, and usually the bigger candles last longer than the others (though not always). But candles don't stay lit forever, and when time goes on the candles start to melt, which makes the parts feel more weak and even becomes unstable, and since the candles shrunk it also becomes less formed and that once developed identity becomes inaccurate and the part becomes fuzzier before going completely. Some candles take longer burn than others, and some are quick to die out. but all of the melted wax never goes to waste, as new candles are built from the old ones, and sometimes the old wax is added onto current ones which makes them even more unique, but all of us despite our differences are just a small part of a single vessel trying to serve the same purpose, to try and light up what feels like an endless, hopeless void, we all work together to try and make that happen. We may hate eachother sometimes, or wish things were different about how we function, but we're trying our best and that's all that matters. We can't fix or fill the void we feel, but atleast we can work together to manage and make it more like home, and thats fine with me :]

We were trying to explain to some friends earlier that saying "this person is in front" and "this person is co-conscious" isn't always the most useful phrasing for us because either of those terms can mean a lot of different things. We have our own words that we like to use to describe where folks can be in relation to our awareness.

"So why doesnt everyone who has severe repeated trauma become a system?"

"Oh well thats because everyones brain works differently an-"

"Bro."