𝗸𝗲𝗹𝗹𝘆'𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗿𝘆

INSERTS HIMSELF WHERE?

Around that time when you moved to King’s Landing to marry Prince Valarr, one of Lady Jena’s ladies-in-waiting – Aemma – left the court to come back to her castle. Apparently, she turned out to be pregnant after her husband’s visit.

You were very happy for the woman because she seemed to be kind and understanding but also funny. You knew she would be an amazing mother and the sight of her glowing face reminded you that soon you would become a mother yourself.

It was a scary thought – to become pregnant with a man you only just met. But you knew it was inevitable. Perhaps other marriages could wait a year or two before starting the journey of parenthood but you were marrying the heir to the throne. You knew your position and your place. You would become the Queen one day but in return you had to offer your body and womb to the battles of nearly constant pregnancy and childbirth.

Prince Valarr himself was not scaring you, though. You couldn’t believe that an arranged union with an heir to the throne could turn out to be so harmonic. He was charming, handsome, chivalrous and smart. Not much older than you, not a brute, not a drunkard, not a man-whore. It felt as if you won a lottery.

Not a man-whore at all. In fact, he was as pure for you as you were for him. 

That was one of the reasons why he demanded that no bedding ceremony was to be held. He didn’t have to convince his father for long, though. Prince Baelor would be surprised if his son requested this tradition to take place.

“You must not worry, my Lady,” Valarr held your hands after leaving his father’s chambers. You were waiting for him in the corridor, pacing nervously. “My father agreed to ignore the bedding ceremony tradition. I explained to him it would be disrespectful to my wife and the future Queen of the Realm. It is not proper for anyone to see you like this. Anyone but me, that is,” he added with a blush.

“Oh, my Prince, thank you so much!” You squeezed his hands tight. “I am so grateful.”

“You should not be. It is my duty as your betrothed to be your protector whether it means shielding your body from injury or your honour and pride.”

After a beautiful and elegant wedding feast, without any prying eyes, the wedding night was rather heavenly. You were over the moon for the whole morning and still giggling slightly while having supper, squeezing Valarr’s hand under the table. His cheeks were crimson red while his parents were exchanging looks. King Daeron seemed to be pleased that your union was so happy and Prince Matarys was furrowing his brows, not understanding why you were acting like that.

After the supper you were supposed to take a walk in the gardens with Lady Jena. She spotted your impatience during the walk as you couldn’t wait to join your newlywed husband in your chambers and do all the things from the night before once more.

“(Y/N), my dear… There is something I must inquire about,” Lady Jena began carefully.

“What is it, my Lady?” You asked her.

“It is… awkward to talk about but…the maid has informed me that your bedsheet this morning was… clean,” she swallowed thickly, struggling to find the right words. “I hope you understand it is important for people to see the… the blood,” she finally muttered and you widened your eyes at her words.

What did she mean that the people needed to see blood?!

Lady Jena noticed your scared facial expression.

“I don’t mean to accuse you! My son is pleased with you and I have no reason not to be either. But you did not have a bedding ceremony and people need proof that…” Lady Jena hesitated once again. “You did consummate the marriage, right?”

“O-of course!” You gasped.

“Perhaps my son’s lack of experience is to be blamed for the inconvenience…” Lady Jena kept speaking in unfinished or mysterious sentences, which was frustrating you greatly. “Just please, do so again tonight.”

“Oh, we will!” You fervently assured with a head nod and she cracked a smile at that.

When you finally went back to your chambers, your excited and blushing husband was already waiting for you. He opened his arms for you to hug him but you sighed and frowned instead.

“What is it, my sweet?” He asked, worryingly. He approached you and rubbed your arms. “Do you not feel well? Do you need anything?”

“No, it’s just… Your mother told me…” You huffed and he furrowed his brows. “That the maid was complaining about our bedsheets being too… clean,” you explained, hoping he would know what that meant but he seemed to be as puzzled as you were.

“Too clean?” Valarr blinked a few times.

“Apparently it should be stained with blood as a sign of consummation,” you whispered shyly and his cheeks turned even more pinkish than before.

“Oh,” he took a step back from you. “Well, that is the most curious and odd custom. I do wonder why my father has never told me about it.”

“I wasn’t told either. But I got an impression that your mother rather insisted,” you said, looking down.

“Do not worry, my Lady, I will not let any harm come to you,” Valarr took his dagger from the desk as he approached your bed. “I assume the custom is for the woman to bleed but I am a gentleman,” he assured you and cut the inside of his arm right below the elbow slightly. You hissed and looked away.

He made sure the blood dropped onto the sheets and then he walked away to clean the fresh wound and bandage it quickly. It was a shallow cut and did not require much attention. He could easily hide it beneath his tunic during the day and it would heal in no time.

“Thank you so much, my Prince,” you approached him to kiss him on the lips.

“At your service, my Lady,” Valarr smiled sweetly and leaned in to kiss you back.

Lady Jena was pleased in the morning as she nodded at you by the breakfast table. You nodded back, feeling so mature now.

Months passed and you were not blessed with a babe of your own. At first everyone was understanding and kind about it, telling you that it took time sometimes. But when Lady Aemma already had her own and you still were not pregnant, people started worrying.

You were worrying the most, terrified they would consider you useless and send you away. You were aware of the fact that you were failing at the only task you had been sent to King’s Landing for – to give Prince Valarr heirs.

“Please, my Lady, we still have time. Besides, I will not allow anyone to send you away. I swore to protect you for the rest of my life,” Valarr assured you as he held you tight when you were crying on the edge of the bed. He put his arm around you and placed a kiss upon your temple.

“My Prince, you say that now but soon they will manage to convince you to get rid of me! I am good for nothing if my womb is barren!” You sobbed, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

Valarr awkwardly patted your back and shushed you, caressing the back of your head.

“My darling, you are to be my Queen. That means much more than carrying my heirs,” he whispered.

“If I don’t give you sons, your bloodline and legacy end with you,” you sniffled and squeezed him even tighter.

“I have a brother, I have cousins. My family’s bloodline is safe,” Valarr tried to convince you.

But he also tried to convince himself. He loved you – of course. He loved you as much as he could love someone. He had been waiting his whole life to meet his future wife and finally be happy and devoted like his parents were. But he knew that if you were truly infertile then your future would be a difficult one and full of whispers in the court. 

And he truly wanted to have children with you. More than anything.

“Perhaps the problem lies in me, not you,” he added and you moved away to look into his wet mismatched eyes. “We do not know who is to be blamed.”

“They always blame the woman,” you reminded him.

“We will make them blame me. If it comes to cruel gossip and accusations, I will make sure they all believe the fault is in me,” Valarr promised, his lower lip trembling slightly.

He would do anything to protect you.

You sobbed even more now, this time out of the amount of love that you felt for this man. You cupped his cheeks and pressed your forehead to his, your tears mixing.

“I love you,” you breathed out.

“I love you,” he replied. “And nothing will change that.”

Lady Aemma visited with her babe when her husband was in King’s Landing for business. The boy was six moons old already and the cutest baby you had ever seen. His name was Steffon.

You frowned at the sight of him, though, as you sipped on your tea in Lady Jena’s chambers. Your mother-in-law was cooing to the boy, beaming with happiness and you couldn’t help but feel jealous. Your heart was stinging at the sight because you knew how much she had to wish to be a grandmother finally.

“What an adorable little boy he is,” she smiled at Lady Aemma. “You are so lucky, my dear. I am so happy for you.”

“Thank you, my Lady,” Aemma bowed her head. “Does Lady (Y/N) wish to hold the babe?” She glanced at you.

“I am not sure,” you admitted, putting the cup of tea down with a forced smile. “I lack experience with babies.”

“Nonsense, it comes naturally,” Lady Aemma insisted as she put the boy into your arms.

You held him awkwardly. He was staring at you with big eyes and you began to rock him softly as you imagined it should be done.

“See? A natural,” Lady Aemma smiled at you.

“If it was natural for me, I’d be blessed with a babe by now,” you muttered.

“Hm?” Lady Aemma asked but you were not looking at her anymore, focused on Steffon. So she laid her eyes on Lady Jena.

Your mother-in-law sighed and took Aemma by her elbow to walk her to the corner of the room.

“Lady (Y/N) and Prince Valarr struggle to conceive,” she whispered but you still could hear. You gritted your teeth but said nothing, pretending that you were too busy with the babe that you were not aware of the conversation taking place.

“Really? I thought they simply wanted to enjoy their marriage and wait,” Lady Aemma confessed.

“No,” Jena shook her head. “They have been trying since their wedding night.”

Long silence occurred.

“Oh!” Lady Aemma exclaimed and turned around to look at you. “But what can possibly be so difficult about conceiving a babe?”

Lady Jena’s eyes widened. She extended her hands as if she begged her former lady-in-waiting to drop the subject but Aemma was already approaching you.

You were looking at her with a terrified expression. You were surprised at her insolence but also the way she seemed to be so confident was quite intimidating.

“I am already expecting my second,” she caressed her small bump that was now visible under her hand. You blinked a few times in disbelief.

“Congratulations,” you whispered, handing Steffon to Lady Jena who sat next to you.

Lady Aemma took a seat in the armchair in front of the sofa you and your mother-in-law were occupying.

“I am an expert now, I guess,” Aemma chuckled. “I can give… tips,” she laid her eyes on Lady Jena as if she was waiting for her approval.

Lady Jena sighed and nodded. She knew her son and you were desperate and she hadn’t been bold enough to speak so openly with you herself. Nothing Lady Aemma would say could possibly make your situation worse anyway.

“My Lady?” Lady Aemma looked at you now and you nodded, hesitantly. You fidgeted your fingers with the hem of your sleeve nervously.

“How often do you lay with your husband, may I ask?” Lady Aemma asked. “Frequency is important with these things.”

Lady Jena blushed and you could feel your cheeks burning, too.

“N-nearly every night,” you answered.

“Good, that’s good,” Lady Aemma smiled warmly. “Well, now, many people fail to realise that what helps women to conceive is … the pinnacle.”

Lady Jena looked away immediately and you furrowed your brows.

“Pinnacle?” You asked.

“Do you experience it?” Lady Aemma asked, excitedly waiting for your answer.

“I do not know that that is,” you admitted, openly.

“It is a feeling of… Of intense pleasure,” Aemma explained patiently. “When you lay with your husband, that is.”

“Oh!” Your eyes sparkled as you nodded. “Oh, yes, I do. It feels very nice to lay with Valarr.”

Lady Aemma smiled politely.

“Hm, I’m not sure if we understand each other correctly. It is no ordinary pleasure…” She scratched the back of her head and your smile dropped. You were lost again. “A woman’s pleasure is somewhat more subtle than a man’s…” Lady Aemma was trying to look for the right words.

You were so confused. Each time you were talked to about those things, people seemed to struggle. Your mother, your septa, Lady Jena, the maester and now even Lady Aemma. You had a feeling this whole baby-making thing had to be extremely difficult after all. Perhaps that was why you were failing constantly.

“You see…” Lady Aemma took a deep breath in. “When he… inserts himself…”

“Inserts himself?” You interrupted her. “Insters himself where?”

Lady Aemma did not finish her sentence nor answer but her mouth stayed open slightly. She looked at Lady Jena and your mother-in-law looked back at her with equal astonishment. Meanwhile, you couldn’t understand those reactions and still wondered what the insertion was supposed to be about.

“My darling… When you lay with my son… What do you do, exactly?” Lady Jena asked.

“Oh!” Your cheeks burnt as you looked down to avoid her gaze. “We… We kiss a lot! We kiss like we couldn’t kiss when we were only betrothed. And we… We touch… We touch each other and it feels so nice,” you couldn’t help a loving smile even though you were embarrassed. “I enjoy being close to him. That’s more than I could ever ask for.”

Lady Jena smiled sweetly. Even though she found the situation both shocking and funny, she did not laugh. She handed the fussy babe to Lady Aemma and moved closer to you as she put her arm around your shy form to hold you closer. You looked up at her with a scared gaze and she kept on smiling.

“It warms my heart to witness how much you love my son. Truly,” she assured you and fixed your hair gently. “But darling… It is no wonder any longer why you cannot conceive a child.”

“What do you mean?” You asked, swallowing thickly. You laid your eyes on her, then on Lady Aemma.

“To conceive a babe you have to… become one,” Lady Jena explained. “The act of consummation requires Valarr to… insert himself inside of you and spill his seed,” she added, her face red as tomato now. 

“H-his what?” You asked.

Goodness, that was all so odd and scary.

Lady Jena cracked a smile and put her hand on your abdomen to rub it gently.

“When a man spills himself inside of a woman, the babe grows in her womb from the seed he planted there,” she explained.

“But what does he insert and where?” You shook your head, still confused.

“The intimate parts,” Lady Aemma answered quickly. “His… you-know-what must go into your… you-know-what.”

You winced at the thought, which made the women laugh.

“It is painful for a woman but only at first,” Lady Aemma added. “Do not get discouraged. After that, you will find pleasure you never thought would be possible to experience.”

“Speaking of,” Lady Jena furrowed her brows as she laid her eyes on your face. “What was the blood on your bedsheets after the wedding night?”

“We thought it was a tradition to cut the bride… Valarr cut his arm instead… I guess we thought wrong?” You bit your lower lips and the women chuckled once more.

“What a gentleman our Prince is,” Lady Aemma commented.

“Oh, darling, no… No one cuts brides on their wedding nights. The blood should come out of your… you-know-what,” Jena used Aemma’s phrasing, “after the first… insertion. That is why it’s so important. It is proof that the marriage was consummated.”

You blinked slowly a few times. You finally understood as it clicked inside your brain.

Your marriage remained unconsummated even though you had been married for over a year now.

Now you had to figure out how to announce it to your husband.

“Wh-what?” Valarr asked, his pretty mismatched eyes widening and his hands sweating already.

“Our marriage is not consummated properly,” you repeated quietly and looked down. He was sitting by his desk after answering the letters and you were standing above him, nervously playing with the sleeves of your dress between your fingers. “That is why we can’t conceive.”

“Who told you that?” He asked, swallowing the lump forming in his throat.

“Lady Aemma and your mother agreed with her after she learnt that there was no… insertion,” you whispered.

“Insertion?” Valarr raised his brow at you.

He felt extremely stupid. As your husband, he should have been the one to show and teach you. If he had failed at that… It meant he was a pathetic excuse of a Lord Husband. Perhaps staying pure and never visiting brothels before his marriage hadn’t been that good of an idea.

Just like your septa had told you once to just lay down and take it, his father had only told him that he would know what to do. Obviously, both of you remained oblivious.

“They mentioned seed. That it must be spilled inside a woman for the child to grow,” you looked into his eyes nervously and his mouth opened slightly.

“A-ha…” He gasped. “I… I think I might know what that part means.”

“I was thinking of that, too. Is it that wet thing that…?”

“Yes,” Valarr interrupted you as he nodded, his face becoming red in an instant. 

“Apparently this… fluid should go inside of me,” you sighed.

“How? Through that… insertion?” Valarr looked up and you nodded.

“You should put your… Into my…”

“I think I know now,” Valarr shushed you as he stood up, wiping his sweaty hands into his breeches. After that, he put his hands on your arms and looked deep into your eyes. “Do you want to try it?”

“I mean… We have to… to have a baby,” you explained. “But… But I am scared. They mentioned it will hurt me at first. And the blood… There will be blood,” you bit on your lower lip.

Valarr hesitated.

“How am I supposed to be doing this when I made an oath to protect you from harm? How can I be the one to bring you pain?” He wondered out loud.

“I do not know!” You nearly sobbed. It was all so scary and confusing but you also felt like a complete idiot that you two had failed at something that seemed to be simple for others.

“There must be a way around it… There must…!” Valarr leaned in to peck you on the lips as he took a step back. “I shall speak to my father. He will tell me everything. And we will try tonight. Only if you wish to,” he added, looking carefully at your facial expression and looking for any sign of disapproval.

“No, no, please do. We must,” you insisted, lifting your chin up. “We must,” you repeated.

One moon later your monthly blood did not come. Another moon later you fainted while walking up the stairs, which caused the maester to confirm the happy news.

Three moons after finding out about the insertion, your abdomen was already slightly swollen with the growing babe.

Valarr was exceptionally proud, his hand constantly rubbing your bump, his face beaming with joy and pride. You were equally happy but you felt awkward each time Lady Jena and Prince Baelor were smirking at the sight of the growing life inside your womb.

The fact that you were finally expecting and the rumours had stopped meant more than anything, though.

You were sitting in the garden and embroidering by Lady Jena’s side. You were making a blanket for the babe and she was making a tiny hat for her first grandchild.

“Can I ask something?” You inquired after biting on your bottom lip for quite a while now, waiting for the right moment.

“Darling, always. Please, always inquire. No matter what the question is about,” Lady Jena looked at you intensely.

“I was thinking… How long after the babe is born do we have to wait until we can… lay together again?” You asked, less shyly than before because over the past few weeks you had learnt how educational such conversations could be.

Lady Jena chuckled.

“Usually the maesters ask for at least six weeks of abstinence after the labour. That is if everything goes well. Why?” She answered.

“Oh… So six moons and six weeks more?” You looked displeased. “Goodness, it is a torture.”

“Wait… You… You have stopped now?” Lady Jena raised her eyebrow.

“Well, of course! We do not want to harm the babe!” You gasped, looking at her funny.

“But the maester said the babe is alright and the pregnancy is going well,” Lady Jena explained. “There is no need for abstinence,” she added.

“I see…” You hummed to yourself. “Well, I will tell Valarr to inquire from the maester about it. Just to make sure.”

“Very well then,” Lady Jena nodded with a chuckle.

“Lady Mother?” You went back to your embroidery so you weren’t looking at her anymore but you wanted to keep the conversation going.

“Yes, dear?”

“Lady Aemma was right. There is truly nothing difficult about conceiving a babe,” you admitted with a shrug of your arms.

Your mother-in-law laughed but it was a laughter filled with affection and joy.

“I’m glad, my dear. Hopefully it means I will become a grandmother to many children.”