memories never changed

i miss it how being home again. that there are no worries, no matter how simple, how plain, how stupid something you've done, he will come back to you, as soon as you need him. no, he never even left. he keeps on your side, and never really go. it was the most amazing feeling in this world. that really really precious, and too sweet to be forgotten. but the person, i need a new person. because since it happened, everythings never gonna be the same again. it all was changed. it was because of you. you hurt me so damn crazy. then i can't be the same, i have no feelings anymore. sometimes when you chat me, i miss it, i miss the moment when we were together, when i love you so much, when being with you was the happiest moment for me, but now? i can't be the same. my heart can't trust you anymore. and i am just too afraid to be fallen again, i need someone to make me brave, i am really tired, i need someone to protect me, to take care about me, to love me as what i am, to keep saying 'everything is gonna be fine', to remind me of not to do bad things, to remind me not to think negatively, to support me, to motivate me, to courage my plans, to give me smile, to make me laugh, to give me hugs, to kiss my forehead, to give his shoulder when i'm crying, to be my dreams every single night, to be in my mind every time i wake up in the morning, to be my inspiration, to be my passion of doing something, to bring me flower on my bad day, to read me a poem that was made by himself, to listen to my daily story, to be my prince, to be what i'm proud of having, to keep my secret, to erase my tears and never want to bring it back, to touch my cheeks or even pinch my cheeks, to play with my hair then smell my hair, to give me chocolate or candy or ice cream for put smile on my face, to joke around without care about the situation, to be my  superhero, to sing a song just to make me laugh, to play guitar at the night, to giggle with, to give his hand warming when it's cold, to understand my sensitive heart, to count the left day before my birthday, to draw a picture of me, to calm me down, to play with my finger, to help me solve my problems, to cover me, to play game with, to watch funny movie with, to laugh all night long with, to make me cry because of HAPPINESS, to make me laugh when i am crying, to bake cake for my birthday, to cook my favorite food, to stick around me, to be everything, to be all i want, to be mine :')

youuuuu! why u so exist in my sight, what happened to me huh?! i don't know why, but sometimes your words hurt me, what happened ?? it's when you smile, and your eyes look at mine, feel dugdugdug. i can't hide it that i like you. i know i just wanna have fun but you keep running in my head. mmh

fool! I felt the same way too, but I thought the same way too, and I agreed, we are different, you're too free to be trusted by me (it's only my opinion). thanks for being so kind to me. but don't make me close one more door, I don't wanna hurt anymore. but don't go away, just stay the same. we can be best friend, can't we? :)

your kindness, your touches, your funny face, your sweet words. I can't explain what I was feeling. I just can say, I am happy to be with you.. I know we are different, I've thought about it before. but you just made me close one more door. and I felt like it's too cute to be left. I tried to be brave, now I'm braver. but you are far, like you're going to leave and move to another place. I don't know why I am scared, you're just too hard to trust on. I don't know, I've not ready yet. or we might not meant to be. every time I remember your kindness, your touches, your funny face, your sweet words. I just wanna make my heart braver. but when I let my heart to be brave. you didn't come to fetch.. just go away, and leave me alone. you shouldn't be with me, choose her and don't turn back to me. but promise me, you won't forget our jokes, our laugh, our silly things, our smile, our memories, our 'friendship'... :')

hmm and about 'him', i can't trust him anymore. i think he's not deserve me. damn, i was so disappointed, but this is life. i have to be strong :) another butterfly ahead. maybe God hasn't found the best time to give the one. i will be patient :')