FlawedCloth

Fill up this handsome flask with the strongest booze you can find and dump it all down your hatch to celebrate that the holidays are finally over. Until next year.

This tray with a tiny man carrying a spiked olive club being followed by a hedgehog covered in parasitic olive tumors makes no goddamn sense which is why the whimsical woman will be using it to serve her guests throughout the new year! I can’t even imagine the inane conversations that will be started over this overpriced garbage platter.

Have too “mushroom” on your tree this year? For less than $10 this whimsical pepperoni-pizza-with-a-leg can help fill out the bare spots on the tree. From the raggedy-ass seams to the unevenly cut fabric and stuffing job, this festive ornament screams "pinterest fail."

Happy New Year's Eve! This ankle-length sequin mermaid tail will help you drop some balls yourself. Paired with a spaghetti strap tank top, platform sandals, and two messy buns held together with chopsticks, you can head into 2015 clinging to 1997. The waistline is at the lumpiest parts of your body, but it creates some fun folds that resemble a creature from the Labyrinth. The sequins all look like they're falling off but they're totally not. 

Want to stand apart from the crowd on New Years Eve? Well look no further than this golden bejeweled cat ear headband to fulfill your desperate need to get noticed! Paired with leopard print or a simple black v-neck, this headband is sure to pique the interests of both men AND women. What's that? You're not gay? Well, attention is attention, right? $14.99

We're almost at the end of the year! Tackle the rest of 2014 in these darling greco-roman wrestling flats! Lots going on here; the pointless lace-up detail on the back hearkens back to gladiator times, and the ankle cuff helps seal that sexy slave deal. The front and top of the flat are boring and plain, which is exactly how we like to keep our slave warriors. $34.99. 

For the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: an unflattering Girl Scout uniform sewn together by your 8 year old niece! This frock takes simplicity to a new level; three colors, three seams, and no room for boobs. The black bow hangs lifelessly from your neck, loudly announcing to everyone that it refuses to be ironed or hang correctly. Be sure to pair with some sexy tights or lingerie...ANYTHING to bring this 1950s boat disaster to life. 

Looking for that perfect something for the secret love of your life? Your uncle/tee-ball coach will love the sentiment behind this luxurious blanket! The knitted cotton is ultra-soft and thick enough to cover any shameful secret. Snuggle under it with your sweetie and promise you’ll never tell who your secret Santa is!

Butt wait, there's more! This set of six magnets showing off the grossest part of a cat’s anatomy is the perfect gift for the cat hoarder in your life. With beautifully painted details, you can practically smell cat butthole and the litter clumps that get tangled up in a cat’s hairpants. Perfect for the fridge where you will immediately lose your appetite -- and hopefully some of those holiday pounds!

Good heavens! This totally twee straw cloche is a perfect gift for that Downton Abbey fan who fancies herself akin to Lady Mary Crawley. The green velvet bow will bring out her coquettish eyes as she meekly yet fervently hunts for a husband at all of high society’s exclusive parties. Faux uppity British accent sold separately.

Need something for the tea nut in your life? You came to the right place, squirrelfriend! This adorable orange tea leaf infuser resembles a rascally rodent soaking its pathogen-covered tail while it takes a dump right into your hot bev. Adorbs!

We actually really like this notecard set. It's cute. $14.99.

Lucky number 13 on the Flawliday list is the perfect gift for the pal who's relentlessly unlucky in love! This brassy neckpiece proudly boasts that your bookworm ladyfriend knows she's undeserving of affection. Her intelligence is undervalued in society, but she has a good sense of humor about it -- that is, when she takes a second to look up from one of those fugly books she's always reading! Lol she's so clumsy. $12.99. 

Number 14 in the countdown is the perfect gift for that one friend who won't shut the fuck up about Dr. Who!  Her incessant babbling about daleks and tardises and sonicblahblahs will come to a screeching halt when she cracks open these 4.5 inch figurines. $12.99 is the perfect price for the time you'll save listening to endless nerdgasms. 

What do you get when you cross a penny-farthing, a cheap bronze watch, and the city of Paris? Answer: the cutest accessory for the zaniest gal at the holiday party! The hideous yellow-faced clock says "steampunk is a trend I know about," the old-timey bicycle shouts "my boyfriend is a barista with an ironic moustache," and the Eiffel Tower graphic tells everyone "I have very little imagination and my dream is to someday travel to Paris but not the rest of France or anywhere else in Europe." Joyeux Noël, dumdum!

Calling all crafting cuties crazy about cats! Face it: you stave off life's loneliness by collecting more and more kitties, but what to do with all that itchy, dander-coated cat hair? This quirky craft book will teach you all the ins and outs of turning all of those clumps of hairballs covered in fishy smelling slobber into darling handicrafts. Put this book on your list for Santa right meow! 

Forget giving this as a gift, you need this vintage inspired slave chain for yourself! The gold-plated hair comb cascades gently down the back of your head and clasps firmly to your ear, letting everyone know you're the kind of woman that refuses to just wear a fucking necklace. For $14.99, this is also the perfect gift for your boyfriend; who now instead of yelling at you to GET IN THE CAB, SARAH can grab you by your reins when it's time to leave a party.