young sees old's sweaty throat

i ripped a lot of hair out of my mother's head and it makes me hate her even more because it is yet another thing that is wrong with this place

i will be studying early christianity next year as one of my subjects

the atla fanfiction with the most kudos has the same level of text complexity as mine, and yet im still petty about the fact that ellipsus marked my text as simple. im vain

everything i do is terrible and i should stop trying

made an account on ellipsus

after suffering from severe acne in my teens i never stopped believing that my skin looks disgusting and that i get red, oily, and filthy throughout the day. no matter what i do i feel unclean. i only have a dry forehead now and big pores, but i feel like my skin is abnormally repulsive. i hate when people look at my face. im a complete loser

my ontology teacher deserves a good sex life

everything that is wrong with me is the result of my experience when i was twelve and roleplaying as a male character in a het ship. i found real happiness in being a man for a woman and i cant go back

my ethics teacher is a woman and during one of our classes some child started crying outside. before closing the window she said something like "oh poor thing" and i got secondhand embarrassment. like she can speak about philosophy all she wants but in the end this is what she really is. nothing more than a woman and in the most obvious and pathetic way. why do i have to be female and be associated with women and their trivialities. i should be male. i dont even like lesbian sex because it is so boring. i want to be male and penetrate what i find beautiful. that is why my ideal sex is just kissing while mutually masturbating. only that way can i escape being a woman to someone. but my actual sexual satisfaction could only come from taking a male role. being female is completely flavorless when it comes to both sexual matters and being a person. males are people and females are always just women

i came into peace with the fact that my knowledge of history is entirely reduced to the history of human thought and i cant name a single wwii battle. i cant make myself care about any real person who has lived in the past unless they are a philosopher who is one with their philosophy. im only interested in people when they represent something. and mahabharata for example is rich in meaning while real events simply happen. there is nothing profound in them unless the feelings they evoke are translated into a story. all the things that ever happen to people are nothing unless they are organized into some narrative oneness which does not belong to actual experience but to the territory of storytelling