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I'm still feeling down. I wonder sometimes what it would be like if I wasn't here anymore. Who would care? What would they say? Idk. What would they regret?  Would anything change?   Sometimes I just sit in silence. I spend a lot of time in the shower under the water. I wish I could just tell people what I thought.  I want things to get better but no one seems to listen. I feel like I'm sinking in deeper.  But at the same time I can't just go away so I'll keep my happy face on. Sometimes its hard. People are separatiseparating themselves from me and I can't stop it. I miss a lot of people.

I have the opportunity to come back in about a month for a short time while we wait on the paperwork from my new job. He's trying to make it so that I don't have to go back... But I want to so badly just so I can have some more time with you guys and of course my mom. My poor mom... She's having a hard time.

I love J to death, but we have our issues and I wish I could talk about them without feeling silly... I guess we'll see how it works out.

This is the first post. Yay so exciting.