Fix Yourself For Good

I know, this is long overdue. Adulting is hard guys…

Anyways, this update is probably going to encourage a lot of anon hate but eh…who cares.

Alright…now…about my weight.

In June 2016, I had lost 12 kgs (26 lbs). I was 68 kg, a number I hadn’t seen for 7 years. I was incredibly happy! I was finally out of the fucking 70s. All I needed to do was get out of the 60s and I’d be so close to my goal weight (53 kg).

Notice how I am talking in the past tense?

6 months later, my weight was 83 kg (182 lbs).

Yup.

So when I became homeless, I was 83 kg and my life had officially fallen apart.

I actually didn’t know I was going to be homeless until about 3 weeks before I moved out. I just looked at my parents and said…’We can’t do this…we can’t pay rent…it’s not working out’. 

But in those 6 months, I was working my ASS OFF. I slept very little, worked all day without moving until I got aches and pains but I was so confident that I could turn our business around. And how did I deal with the stress? I ate. And ate. And ate. Rinse and repeat.

I knew what I was doing. I would eat so much that I’d feel sick by the end of the day. But if I didn’t eat, I’d worry. And if I got worried, I’d lose control. I just told myself…’Oh just this month…I just need to get through this..I’ll get back to eating normally and working out after this month’. But that ‘just one’ month became 6 months and I was fucked by the end of it. 

So obviously, eating a lot and not keeping up with exercise makes you gain weight. It doesn’t happen magically. My body didn’t go back to it’s set weight or some shit. I just stuffed my fucking face until I felt like throwing up.

Once I found a place to live and got over the initial shock of everything…I stopped stuffing my face. I don’t have the emotional strength to do a full cardio or weight session. Listen, things are really hard and I just can’t….right now. 

But I couldn’t look at my fat fucking body anymore so I decided to not eat like I am deranged and go on daily walks at the nearby park. I’ve been doing this since Nov 1. I wake up at 6 in the morning, I take 15 minutes to gather my stuff and I am on my way. I walk for an hour or so…until I hit 10,000 steps. On my walks, I listened to the Hamilton soundtrack like 5 times, a couple of audiobooks and now, Marc Maron’s WTF podcast. It is relaxing, it is nice to be surrounded by nature and I don’t feel like shit while I am doing it. The park is built on a hill and there are a lot of steep slopes so I do break a sweat. By doing this, I average about 15,000 steps per day. Some days I go as high as 23,000 steps..usually when I have to run errands. I have lost 5 kgs since. So now my weight is 78 kg (171 lbs). 

Hello everyone! I missed ALL OF YOU so damn much!

Now that I am back, I feel like I should get you all up to speed on what is happening in my life. 

I am homeless (technically)

Yup. Never expected this to happen to me in a million years. I think I’ve written posts about how my life is in real turmoil and how I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. Well, a lot of bad things happened. There was a brief period where I thought I was doing all the right things and making strides but clearly, it wasn’t enough and soon I was really struggling to stay afloat. 

We were homeowners our whole lives. Since the day my parents got married, they were homeowners. We were even landlords at one point. Never had to worry about a roof over our heads. EVER. Looking back, I had it pretty good growing up. Travelled a lot, studied abroad, cars, cool electronics…all of it. And then shit hit the fan and we became renters. And now, homeless. 

This is the 2nd time we lost everything. Well, the first time we lost everything except the house and now, that’s gone too. There are a lot of reasons why we are where we are but I don’t want to get into it. I just want to focus on getting things back on track. 

No, I am not out on the streets. I am staying with incredible kind people who have given me refuge. If it weren’t for them (they are not even family btw), I would literally be on the streets with my family. I am also estranged from my entire extended family, which feels strange because just 2 years ago, we celebrated the holidays together and had many family dinners, like we’ve had all my life. Well, you know what they say; ‘When you laugh, the world laughs with you. When you weep, you weep alone.’

Well they are referring to all the bullshit pills, shakes, meal replacements and detox things that claim to help people lose weight. The thing about all these things is that once you are off them, you will gain all the weight back when you resume eating normally.