ahh h.. .

no offense to the english but i just found out england has only ever won the world cup once.. wtf do you mean “it’s coming home” she doesn’t even know you omg

person (non-practicing)

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

Lets let friday get us pregnant and have a baby that lasts the whole weekend

I don't give an amazing digital fuck

I promise you haven't fucked up as badly as you think you have.

More cynical version of this: “Did you actually fuck it up or does someone have a vested interest in making it seem like you did?”

Why can't you wish someone a single congratulation

How come every message scrawled in blood on a wall is sans serif

ppl complain abt everyone being so boring/inauthentic/detached these days but the second u have interests they deem unusual theyll be like "waitttt thats giving neurodivergent..." like damn its so awesome that were pathologising giving a fuck about anything they dont sell at a tj maxx

reblogging a funny low note count textpost on your dash made by your mutual's mutual kinda feels like walking up to two strangers on the street and laughing loudly at their joke

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my humours have balanced. I have become mentally normal again