helpless laughter oh god

This is the only criticism of millenials I will accept

sex is intimate and sacred. your body is a temple and you shouldn’t share it with anyone who doesn’t scream the lyrics to Mr Brightside 

you can literally lay in bed and eat a block of cheese like an apple and it’s not illegal

you jnow theres no proof that our teeth dont retract up into our gums every time we close our mouths

I can lick em

you dont know what those are

me: im gonna go to bed early and get a good nights sleep netflix: here’s a bunch of 45 minute documentaries on the wildlife inhabiting coastal islands me: hhhdbhnnnnnnnnnnddndkkj coconut crab

whenever i see a frog on a lily pad im like yeah man… thats exactly where youre supposed to be

that’s what god says when he sees me crying in a taco cabana bathroom

she knocked that smug look off my face but luckily i was wearing a second, smaller smug look underneath

why is that so fuckin funny