lactose & no tolerance for you

my kids: dad what’s for supper? me: ooh hunny i am serving looks tonight kids: we haven’t eaten in 3 days

a cat: *touches me with its small hand* me: *eyes tearing up* thank you

who fucking litters. why do i ever see litter. who thinks that’s okay. who. who NEEDS to throw their fast food bag out the fucking window instead of waiting until they get somewhere with a trashcan. what kinda clown behavior. get fucked.

look: the right people will get it. the right people will see you and appreciate you for the person that you are. the right people won’t require you to dilute, censor, or edit yourself in order to be worthy of their time and affection. you don’t need to waste your time on people who are committed to misunderstanding you 

Am I the only one distressed that he included toothbrushes on this list?

i didn’t reblog this before, but this got better.

you fool…..this is anish kapoor’s Vantablack™ cow

@imperfectkreis

what did this bird do

I wish i had context on this 

I don’t think the contexts helps in this case.

I have this book, and it is one of the funniest things in my life.

i hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami

tbh i read this as “i hate it when (children of) immigrants refer to their grandparents in their native language”

yup

if you want to know how bad marriage is hitler killed himself after less then 40 hours of being married 

I feel like there might’ve been some other things going on in his life too, but there’s really no way to be sure