what the fuck.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Like I said before, I have no relationship with my parents. My answer to this should be “who?” or somethin...

What are you craving right now?

Food. Somethin spicy. Why does it always have to be somethin spicy? Or maybe fries with some hot sauce... Yeah, it’d be fine too.

What’s irritating you right now?

Oh fuck, in this office alone, or...? Nosy people, people who don’t know where/when to stop or don’t respect their coworkers' privacy. Even that cam crew knows their boundaries.

Do you have trust issues?

If by this you mean that I don’t assume that everyone’s my friend and am careful with what to tell other people, then yeah. I do have trust issues. It’s better not to say too much, always.

Is this year the best year of your life?

Yeah, though I’m still waitin for our little Baby Bane.

Do you miss anyone from your past? 

Yeah, my grandparents. They were the most interestin’ people I’ve ever met and I wish Penny could meet them too. They’d love her.

What are you craving right now?

Right now? Popcorn. No idea why.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 

It’s perfect, thank you. Perfectly nonexistent. 

Who did you last say “I love you” to? 

Miss Penny Hart.

Do you regret anything? 

Nah, never. Life isn’t perfect, mistakes happen and regrettin’ shit is not my style. They’re always a good lesson anyway.

Are you insecure?

Oh fuck, hell no. 

What is your relationship status?

In a relationship with Penny Hart, my best friend’s daughter. Yeah, it still sounds strange, lol. 

How do you want to die? 

So now you’re fuckin’ threatenin’ me? Wow.

What did you last eat? 

Oh yes, as always – somethin’ from Charlie... but I’m hungry again. Was it pasta? Pretty sure it was pasta. 

Played any sports? 

Not really but I like my mornin’ runs and watchin’ basketball, so I hope it counts.

Do you bite your nails? 

Not really, do you?

When was your last physical fight?

Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Yeah, as a teenager but it’s not my favorite memory. I mean, if you knew me back then you’d know.

Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

I fuckin’ should have. I still have time, don’t I? Let me pick my victim...

Who do you text the most?

My baby, Riley, and David. Pretty sure I’ll be textin’ Lilah every two hours when Baby Bane’s here. 

What was the last movie you saw?

Some movie Penny picked but I always fall asleep. Can’t help it. Sorry, babe.

What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

This one’s gotta be my favorite question. Me? She doesn’t have an ex to go back to? Our baby? Our relationship? Pick one. 

How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

Thank god for that ‘friend’ suffix so I can be romantic and tell ya that Penny’s my first girlfriend.  

Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Unless she’s lyin’ ‘bout her age, yeah.

Do you curse around your parents?

If they wanted to beep my curse words ‘round them I’d sound like Elon Musk’s newest invention. 

Are you happy with where you live?

I’m happy around Penny, that’s all that matters. I mean, New York versus Scranton? 

Picture of yourself?

Ok, how about my better half 

Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

“Oh my goodness, could you imagine. I mean that would be a fun way, though. Definitely make it extra memorable.” Laughing brightly as she gave Skyler’s hand a squeeze as it came into her own. “I’m surprised that you’re not having more fun with this. I know you and Sol are all about that prank life.” 

The idea of being a part of any family but her own was amazing, but being a part of David’s and being the link that tied David and Skyler together as more than just best friends, was like a dream come true. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my whole life. It’s like… everything is suddenly so perfect all at once and suddenly… I’m not scared about anything at all anymore. Except labour. That’s super scary.” 

.

“Hey, hey!” David wagged his finger at Penny, grinning despite how serious his tone of voice was. “He is just a student, I am the master, which is precisely why he does not understand how amusing this is. He thinks that hiding someone’s stapler can beat this. No, it can not, Bane.”

Skyler just shrugged his shoulders, biting his lower lip thoughtfully. “Well, I’m not sayin’ no, I just think it’s funny ‘cause it’s all true.” Nad was going to be just fine, she would never freak out as long as it was good news only. “Yeah, it’s kinda too perfect, makes you wonder what and when could possibly go wrong, like it’s just the matter of time,” he muttered, but the realization that he shouldn’t have said that came rather quickly. “I mean, I’m sorry, you’re right, baby. Everythin’s gonna be ok. That scary part especially, it’s all gonna be fine. In general.”

Seeing Skyler lighten up at the prospect of her getting to meet her sister, Penny brightened along with them, nodding her head with enthusiasm at the idea of getting to do a video call with her. “That would be amazing, I bet we’d break the whole internet.” Smirking over at them each in turn, she nodded once more. 

“I’d do it right this minute if I could. Skyper and start with. “Hi! I’m Penny and I’m your sister!”

“Sounds like an easy way to cause a heart attack and not have w sister anymore,” he joked and David laughed this time. They both knew that if they were to find a person whose reaction to “hi, I’m your sister” would be surprisingly normal, it’d be Nadejda. “Don’t forget to mention the baby.”

“You will get extra points for telling who the father is.” David laughed again, shaking his head. It felt so good to laugh about this situation and forget about ‘what ifs’. “Though this part might actually scare her... Any other things to test Nadia with? Bane, pomogite mne pozhaluysta.”

Skyler laughed and moved closer to Penny’s seat, taking her hand into his. “He’s surprisingly happy tryin’ to prank his daughter with the truth, isn’t he? You’re sure you wanna be a part of that family?”