firstborn unicorn

Wow…,,,,,, you don’t like pop music??..,. Wow,… That really..,,,,,,.,, makes you so so very intelligent….. You are the elite individuals in our generation.,,,.,, you truly are unique.,,,,,

i wanna slap dr phil’s bald fuckin head so hard that he deflates like a balloon

why?

poor impulse control

mickey mouse old as fuck someone put that rat in a nursing home

This is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

lately there have been too many days like in a row

last summer I saw a giant moth who had fallen into a water trough, and I gently lifted her out so she could dry her wings and fly away. This was an act of great foresight on my part, as I know that one day, when I am in grave danger and all hope is fading…she will appear, and remember me from long ago, and lift me out of the water trough that I have fallen into. I’m telling you, this moth was huge

I’M FUCKING SCREAMING AND CRYING, OH MY GOD

One time I was so high that I got into bed and tried to put on my seatbelt