eternal flame.

“oh, my sentimental friend, you’d be surprised just how far a fancy cake might go with some of some of the more prickly individuals here.” he elects to let axel figure out on his own just who those individuals are. chiefly, he can think of one person in particular. but that’s for them to figure out on their own terms. “there’s a few pancakes left in the dining hall, if you don’t change your mind before you go.” 

his arms cross tentatively under axel’s flattery. “great,” he says, not particularly dry and not particularly sincere. “i expect no less. my end of the deal isn’t going anywhere.” that’s rich, coming from a spy, but khalid supposes he understands. anyone after those who slither in the dark must have their reasons. “i’d rather you not burn any unnecessary bridges. the less numbers we cut down, the better.” that said, they can’t afford every possible loss that every mercy will cost. “but it is a choice. if you’re caught, and someone runs off to tell the entirety of the empire, use your best judgement. if things are looking grim, i don’t need to tell you how to handle it. i’m sure your instincts will do the trick.” 

     “i’ve noticed.” axel plays it off well — but he’s seen the way one woman, in particular, eyes the desserts in the dining hall. however, unfortunately for him, it was nothing as serendipitous as a random observation. her hair caught his attention; that tell-tale, familiar white that makes his stomach churn. “that’s my job, ain’t it? noticing things.” it wouldn’t be good to bring her up with claude. there’s nothing to gain from that. everything to lose. “and, also, eating pancakes. after this, i’m gonna eat whatever’s left.”  

     still, he’s not the type to get swooped away by some fantasy, especially when the fantasy’s way too good to be true. whispers drift back-and-forth behind closed doors. a lot of what slips through the cracks is bullshit. but some of it? some of it isn’t. axel knows how to parse through it all - though he’s not exactly sure what he’s looking for. something interesting, he supposes. something useful. 

     and he thinks he may have found those somethings in this woman. “y’know, i couldn’t help but notice... you don’t have the stench of the empire on you,” axel drawls, finally moving from his spot in the shadows. “you’re not from around here, are ya?” 

“they must’ve missed it, somewhere along the discovery of your truly benevolent nature.” khalid’s voice takes on its typical lilt, when he’s not exactly being earnest. “you’ll have to forgive them. there’s a lot to observe and reconsider, right now.” 

so he’d rather do this mission on his own. it only makes sense. he couldn’t wait to tell khalid about how much he couldn’t stand the man they’ve left dead. “i’m the only person who can offer you half of what i’ve offered you in this war. if you settle for less, that’s your loss.” he speaks with a splitting certainty. “of course i’m giving you a choice. it’s a job, not a fealty mission. you’ll always have a choice here.” there’s also the fact that he would have had the trail tracked, but that goes without saying. “besides, you’ll be lucky to find someone with similarly roguish good looks.” 

     “maybe i should get ‘em all a bunch of those fancy little cakes. then we can all sit together in a circle and talk about our feelings. that’ll show ‘em how much my heart bleeds for 'em.” that does it - axel’s little charade finally comes to an end. he snorts, shaking his head. “...all that shit aside, i wanna eat something sweet now.” go figure.

     there’s a possibility, axel muses, that claude is joking. considering the ways in which they talk to each other – test each other – the possibility is more like an extremely high probability, skirting back around to an undeniable fact. he’s joking. there’s no way he’s serious. this is the part where you chime back: you’d like that, wouldn’t you, claudie? laugh. put on that lecherous grin. wink.

     the problem is that it’s not enough. teasing. playing around. it’s not enough when there’s that hunger, festering away in axel’s core. burning away his insides; filling up his head with smoke. muddling his senses. and axel wonders, how can the absence of something result in a feeling? isn’t it more logical to feel nothing if you have nothing? wanting is not fair. yearning is not fair. claude can have anyone. axel is no one.

     but it’s just a fucking kiss.  

     axel lunges at claude. the motion is oddly familiar: precise, yet tempered with a distinct fervor – as if he’s moving in to kill. a comfortable reflex. muscle memory’s trying to make this possible; trying to push axel towards what he wants ( this time, you’ll take what you want ). there’s no time to say anything. no time to joke. no time to laugh or grin or wink. only time to act.

     the kiss is full of teeth.

     sharp teeth. desperation. the taste of metal. a challenge met with another challenge.

     everything has led up to this moment. all of the blood. all of the pain. all of the scars that crisscross axel’s body. a flash of clarity courses through his veins, striking his chest and leaving lightning-fire in its wake.  

     axel can’t tell if it lasts for seconds or minutes. doesn’t care, really. they break apart and are somehow back together once more. and there’s this sense of — singularity. this feeling that nothing else in the world exists. and if anything did exist, it wouldn’t matter. nothing else matters.

     you’ve done it now, axel.

     claude takes axel’s breath away; leaves him gasping.

     you crossed a line.

     and it’s all shattered, now, hasn’t it?

     he’ll never forgive you.

     his hands slide past axel’s rib-cage. fingers press against the point that his spine meets his skull.

     and his lips are on axel’s once more.

     it’s maddening, really, what claude does to axel. axel doesn’t know how he hasn’t snapped, yet. gone completely out of his mind. but that wet-heat in his mouth has him realizing — he already has.

so. hi, bree! taurus king!

khalid thinks to the fire that burned axel’s partner from before –– wonders just what element he brings to the table, if axel is fire. the wind, perhaps, that fans or dilutes the flames. 

“mistrust you? now, i wonder how that could be?” although most people are eyeing axel warily, as he’d suggested they do, some have little trouble including him with lunch meals or laughs. coldness doesn’t come easily to people like raphael or hilda. “i’m sure they’ll come around, once you’ve been here long enough. we all go way back.” but this is hardly about them. “as for those feelings of yours… where are they, regarding our next mission? sneaking through the pass up ahead isn’t going to be easy. would you rather i sent you with backup, or are you happier to work alone?”  

     “i know, right? can’t they see i’m a real paragon of virtue?” joking around about it feels wrong in the most satisfying way. axel’s fully aware that he sticks out among the core forces of the alliance — a glaring imperfection within a shining gem. it makes things interesting, he reasons, which is all fine and dandy until someone gets fed up of the flaw and lets it shatter on the floor.

“i can’t say i’m surprised, but you didn’t look very out of your element in there.” he’s been careful about discussing next moves with axel –– early stages with new recruits means any one of a great terrible things could happen.

sabotage, subterfuge, sacrifice. he was sure to keep this one vague: it’s a test. “indulge me for a sec, would you? how’s the new job treating you?”

@firestarter​ i try to write you a love song but it comes out a lament.

     “that’s because i’m never out of my element, claudie.” axel’s lying through his teeth but bats his lashes nonetheless. truth is, he’s impressed by how stuff is managed around here. information flows, but not too much information... and morale’s high. or so it seems. 

     and yet — this is where it gets complicated. despite her repulsive alliance, edelgard’s goals don’t align with everything he hates about the empire. rather, her words seem to... challenge everything. it’d be convenient, tossing a lifetime’s worth of hate on her. but axel can’t. he just can’t. and it’s infuriating. how the hell is she working with those monsters? he’d ask, he really would — if he only wasn’t wearing the mask of one of those monsters.

     “oi, emperor.” he grins towards her, all teeth. “took care of that guy. shouldn’t be givin’ you problems anymore.” just another mark; at least his job’s still simple. “was there anythin’ else you needed? you know the drill — the ever-loyal axel’s at your beck and call.” each word is overly compliant; overly sweet. he makes no effort to hide that.

     at any rate - it really seems like byleth’s popularity knows no limits. she’s always in high demand. it’s a wonder how axel’s even able to catch her alone like this. he supposes the hour helps. most people’re asleep by now. and yet, for all it has taken from him, axel still finds a certain solace in the darkness. “just seein’ how they all crowd around you exhausts me. it’s like they’re all fighting for your attention constantly. all the time.” he can’t say he’s jealous. but he is curious.  

     “what’s keepin’ you here? it’s gotta be somethin’ good.”