Pull the lever Kronk!!

اللهم إليك أشكو ضعف قوتي، وقلة حيلتي، وهواني على الناس 

These are my favorite prayers that I repeat many times every day:

1. O God, increase me in knowledge and guide me to a better state of maturity.

اللهم زدني علما واهدني لأقرب من هذا رشدا

Allāhumma zidnī ʿilman wahdinī li-aqraba min hādha rushdā

2. O God, ease my task for me and place Your blessings in my works and my moments.

اللهم يسر لي أمري وبارك في أعمالي وأوقاتي

Allāhumma yassir lī amrī wa-bārik fī aʿmālī wa-awqātī

3. O God, You are the Most Forgiving, and You love forgiveness, so forgive me.

اللهم انك عفو تحب العفو فاعف عنّي

Allāhumma innāka ʿafūwwun tuḥibbul ʿafwa fa-ʿfu ʿannī

4. O God, give me Your support, and You are the best of supporters.

اللهم انصرني وأنت خير الناصرين

Allāhumma-nṣurnī wa-anta khayrun-nāṣirīn

5. Our Lord, grant us good in this world, and good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire.

ربنا آتنا في الدنيا حسنة وفي الآخرة حسنة وقنا عذاب النار

Rabbanā ātinā fīd-dunyā ḥasanatan wa-fīl-ākhirati ḥasanatan wa-qinā ʿadhāban-nār

6. Our Lord, grant us mercy from Yourself, and bless our affair with guidance.

ربنا آتنا من لدنك رحمة وهيّئ لنا من أمرنا رشدا

Rabbanā ātinā mil-ladunka raḥmatan wa-hayyiʾ la-nā min amrīna rashadā

7. My Lord, forgive and have mercy, and You are the best of those who show mercy.

رب اغفر وارحم وانت خير الراحمين

every week there's another news item that immediately tops the list of real life events that sound like an overwrought politics SNL sketch and every week all i can do is laugh because otherwise i'd be resorting to arson

They really just went and DID THAT