Finn Lewis

Maybe one day in the not so distant future Ade would find himself asleep at this time of night, not sat keeping the people who actually wanted to sleep awake. He was on his third cup of coffee, knowing it wasn’t going to help in the slightest, when it occurred to him the bag he had with him was wrapped around one of the chairs that belonged to the table next to his and was probably going to end up trampled on at any moment as several people filed through the doors. Leaning forwards with the intention of disentangling it, his arm brushed his drink, and next thing he knew, the coffee coffee had toppled from the table, all over him, the floor, his bag… — anything within close proximity really. “Fuck…” he muttered. “Could this night get any better?”

It was one of the nights where Finn had too much to do and he knew that staying in his apartment would mean that he would find twenty things to do before actually sitting down and finish his work. It was the middle of the night, he had even lost track of time, and even though he had a cup of tea on the table, next to him he had a can of Redbull (his second of the night). He was almost done with his research, so he decided to take a break from his computer screen and look up just in time to see the events unfolding. Having one full stock of napkins on his own table, Finn stood up and reached them out for the other. “You need some of these,” he said, not as a question but a statement.

Jack didn’t sleep at all that night. Couldn’t sleep. His mind too focused on the possibility that something was going to go wrong, that they would come back and hurt them. That that was what they had wanted to do in the first place. He clung to him and listened to his breathing, trying to focus his own breathing. Trying to make it match up to his as his mind wandered through the rest of the night. But still, in the chaos of everything happening in his brain, he found peace in the little bubble they had made for themselves. Gigi slept curled up to Finn, periodically stretching out his front paws to touch Finn’s arm, and Jack held Finn so tightly he was sure he would wake up from it. But he was a heavy sleeper, hardly anything woke him up. He finally closed his eyes and drifted off about an hour before Finn’s alarm went off. Although he didn’t hear it, Gigi did, and he felt Gigi pounce on his stomach before he felt Finn do the same. He jumped awake and couldn’t help but let out a giggle. Sleepily kissing the top of Finn’s head. “You gotta get up,” his voice was quiet and groggy, his eyes not opening, too heavy to do so. “Or you’ll miss your riveting classes about…about…” he drifted off back to sleep mid sentence, not even realizing that he had. 

RAFE: So dramatic

RAFE: Why you randomly going on about being 'deported' then?

Finn: Gotta keep myself entertained.

Finn: Got all my papers stolen. Passport, Visa, school documents, etc.

He hummed at the Finn’s lips leaving pecks all over different areas of his face, shutting his eyes if only to try to feel a little more than he was feeling now. As soon as Finn rested his head on his shoulder, he leaned his cheek on the top of it, another laugh escaping him as he laced his fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. “Nope. I happen to like my one in a million guy quite a bit.” He let Finn stay there for a minute, let them both feel like they had each other. After the way they had reacted individually and apart, it felt good to Jack to be able to come together in the way they were. He nudged Finn up after a minute, kissing him one more time, making this one deep and filled with thanks for everything he had done. For not hurting him. For dealing with him in a way that was gentle, and calm, and not getting upset with him in a way so many others had done before. He pulled away and looked up at him, bringing his fingers up to his lips one more time to trace them, then the corner of his jaw. “Let’s just…clean up the rest of the glass and go to bed. It’s way past your bed time,” he teased.

         “I figured,” she said, forcing a smile. His accent was hard not to ignore after all. It reminded her of one of her friends from LA, a singer/songwriter from the UK still trying to break through over here. She missed him she realised, but ignored it. “English is still interesting enough, especially in a place this small…” She shrugged lightly, tugging at her sleeves to curl them over her knuckles and around her fingers, a unwitting habit. “Paris? Uh yeah, I’ve been.. twice.” Technically three times, but she couldn’t remember the last time. It had been a foolish impulsive trip involving a lot of drugs and a private jet. “It’s a nice place— definitely good for shopping.”

“I think it’s just foreign, but if you think it’s interesting, then who am I to make you change your mind?” Finn said with a little shrug and a cocky smirk, slipping his hands inside his pockets again. “I’ve been there... more than a few times,” he chuckled, “shopping is good indeed, expensive, but you get some interesting things here and there. I honestly just go there and spend all my money in patisseries.”

         “Well, okay, I won’t force you,” she said and chuckled just a bit, her shoulders rising in a lazy shrug. “And I guess it makes sense. At the end of the day though, you never know with New York weather— it’s as unpredictable as a moody teenager,” she said and sighed, having been one of those herself before she had kids. “Yes,” she laughed slightly, “It certainly is a move to consider. Would I have to buy one of the coats a size bigger though? The outer one, I mean?” When he handed over his phone, she smiled sincerely and nodded in gratitude, “Thank you.” She quickly dialled the number for her office and instructed her secretary to call her assistant and tell him to return to Lanford with her things immediately. She hung up again and handed the phone over with a smile, “Thank you. Now, I can’t technically buy you anything, because I don’t have my wallet but, uh…” She looked around, noticing a familiar cafe. “The guy who works in there, he owes me one, so if you’d like to get a cup of coffee, I’m offering.”

“Probably,” Finn responded after a couple seconds of consideration. “I usually buy big clothes anyway. I’m too tall and too skinny to find the right size, so it just works I guess,” Finn explained, maybe giving off more information than he was asked for, a habit of his he couldn’t decide if it was a good or a bad one. “You’re very welcome,” Finn nodded, slipping his hands on his pockets and turning around to give the woman as much privacy as he could in the small space available. He could hear her giving instructions to someone about what to do and when, smiling at how much it sounded like his mother. “Oh it’s no problem!” He said with a grin, taking back his phone and putting it away. “You don’t have to– Well, I’ll take some tea, if you don’t mind the change.”

RAFE: Why would you get deported you're British

RAFE: I'm not even sure man I don't think so lol

Finn: Precisely.....? I'm... British? You know. United Kingdom? Across the sea? A different country?

Finn: I swear to God, I have no idea how we're friends sometimes.

Finn: Are we even friends?

He laughed, suddenly glad that this was who he was with if he had to experience it with anyone, and it was in that laugh that he realized how much he cared for and appreciated Finn. He moved closer to him, having to move his arms down to his waist if he didn’t want to stand on the balls of his feet. He looked up at him, always liking their height difference. “Yeah, I did.” Bringing his hand up to Finn’s face and tracing the outline of his lips again, like he had done earlier, then down the bridge of his nose, before dropping his hand to cling to his shirt. “But for you?” He teased, “You got the American girl of your dreams standing right here. I’d say that’s a pretty well accomplished Valentine’s Day. Just with…an unexpected twist that one would only come to expect from mashing both of our luck together.” 

Jack laughed a sheepish laugh at the joke, unsure of how anything regarding immigration worked. He decided he would research it more, figuring that he would eventually have to worry about it. Especially if they were together officially now. And Jack, knowing himself, knew that this would last as long as he could drag it, as long as Finn would want him there, he would stay. His heart broke a million times at the tone of his voice, the way he said please. He leaned the broom against the wall and walked over to him, slowly, in case he changed his mind, in case his anger showed in other ways like it sometimes did with Peter. He looked down at his body, to check if it had changed, tensed at all, then back up into his eyes, one last check-in, before reaching out and moving a strand of hair behind his ear. One of the first things he had done to show Finn he was interested what felt like ages ago now, but realized had only been over a month. He rested his forearms on his shoulders, an invitation for Finn to collapse into him if he needed. “I won’t leave,” he said, referencing one of the first things he had said when they met. It had already felt like a promise then, and felt even more like a promise now. He looked down at his lips as he twirled Finn’s hair between his fingers, then looked back up at his eyes, a small laugh escaping him. “Really? This hasn’t been the most romantic night of your life? I love a good Valentine’s Day surprise.”

Jack began cleaning up the pieces of glass first, figuring with Gigi walking around the place it was probably not the safest. He was worried for Finn, for the way he held things down, never let him see what he was really feeling. Jack looked up from cleaning when he started speaking, his eyes widening. He didn’t know how much that alone would cost to replace, but he knew it couldn’t be inexpensive. Also probably somewhat dangerous considering all of the information they had about him now. “Okay,” he said, his voice remaining calm if only to keep Finn calm. “Okay. We can make calls in the morning, yeah? See what there is to be done.” He looked Finn up and down, noticing how tense he was, and how he probably hadn’t helped with the way he freaked out earlier. And while his brain was still foggy, and his heart was still overwhelmed, he couldn’t help but want to reach out. But he also knew that reaching out might not be the best thing. “Do you need to be alone for a second? I can go for a walk with Gigi- fresh air might do me good. Or…” He exhaled, “how can I be there for you right now? What do you need?” Jack figured it would be best to ask, that it was better to know directly if Finn knew what he needed than it was to have everything explode at once if he did the wrong thing. 

“Nah, it was too dark… I did sock him real good in the eye though, so if you see someone with a massive shiner, I’d consider him suspect numero uno…” 

“It was dark...” Finn nodded. “I assume you hit him with a part of your body, which can be, you know, regularly a fist, since it’s too close from that cut– why are there no bruises?”

Jack felt a little ridiculous being brought to Finn’s bed, although he knew that there was nothing he could do to make him stop, and fighting it would make Finn even more worried. But there was something about being treated like a child, like a broken thing, that made him uncomfortable. It got even worse with the way Finn was talking to him, as though he were his parent. He furrowed his brow and looked up at him, but did not respond. Just sat down on the bed and stayed there while he watched him clean up. To be fair, Finn didn’t have a lot of experience seeing Jack like this. Other than the one time he had had a very minor freak out the week before, he had never even truly seen Jack cry. Not from anxiety. Peter knew him, Peter knew that irritability and pride was soon what would replace his feelings of anxiety if someone wasn’t harsh with him. Finn didn’t know. Finn was too nice, and he didn’t know why his emotions were rebelling against it right then. In that moment specifically. He hated himself for it, but as he watched Finn clean up, he felt small and useless. 

“You said to say if I needed you to do anything for me,” he said, his voice painted with an emotion Finn was probably not used to. He got up off the bed and walked over to him, grabbing the broom. His eyes were still foggy, not truly his. “I need you to let me help. We’re a team, okay?” His voice was firm and strong, something that he was sure Finn wasn’t used to in him, but it masked something deeper, something he buried down. Memories he didn’t want to think about. “Let me sweep up, you look around at what’s missing. Place things in order the way you like them.” This was a response he had whenever things got to be overwhelming, it was like a switch. Like he could see everything laid out in steps, logic and reason clouding over his emotions. 

                                    “Really? Not even if it were, like… a friend for Lilah?” She asked, genuinely surprised that someone could turn down a free puppy. Of course she would have to force herself to because she couldn’t afford it in the long run, but still. “You are being smooth, don’t worry,” she promised with a large smile. “Wow. Oxford… that’s a pretty place, right? Like, with a lot of nice nature? Or is that just something I think?”

“What?” Finn feigned surprise, even offence by making his voice sound one entire octave higher than usual. “I have to be Lilah’s only friend, alright? I’m a territorial guy, that’s all I can say,” he said and shrugged it off, breaking into a grin right after. “Well, there are many things in Oxford. I do happen to live outside of things, in the middle of nowhere, almost, so yeah. There’s a lot of nature. It really is a pretty place,” he smiled with pride. “Are you from Lanford?”

“I’ll need to bring a toothbrush here. That’s big.” He looked at Gigi, who had sprawled out across his lap some time within the past few minutes. “Gigi is toilet trained,” He looked up, “He doesn’t need a litter box or anything.” His mind was still spiraling, going through everything he would need to do in order to make his staying in Lanford a possibility. He didn’t have more than $2,000 saved up since his move. That wouldn’t be anywhere close to enough to do anything but buy a new laptop. He smiled at Finn calling himself his boyfriend, wanting to reach out to him to touch him, but not quite feeling like he had enough control over his body to do that yet. This was usually the point where he was feeling some kind of physical pain, something that would allow him the opportunity to remind him he had a body in the first place. Jack looked around at his next question, taking in Finn’s ransacked apartment. He didn’t answer him, instead looked down at himself as he continued to feel stupid for believing that something good would have come from those roses. For ignoring his anxiety. He regretted putting Gigi in harm’s way, for not being able to save Finn’s plants. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, although it wasn’t in regard to himself or his freak out, but in regard to everything. He looked over at his arm, at the scars there, at the memories of a time before Finn, then looked back up at his eyes as though he was asking why he hadn’t hurt him. As though he didn’t know there was another way to bring him back. He didn’t feel like he was back, but his breathing was fluctuating between normal and waves of spiraling thoughts. “I’m not inside of myself.”

“I have an extra–” He stopped, remembering he hadn’t checked the bathroom just yet, just assumed since the door had been closed. Still, he didn’t think someone would’ve taken the extra toothbrushes he left in his apartment. “I may have an extra toothbrush for you tonight, and Gigi can just– I don’t mind,” he smiled from one corner of his mouth, moving the back of his fingers down their cheek as if to keep them grounded in the present instead of letting their mind fo places. Truth was, when it came to cats, he wasn’t sure about how to even be around one but he didn’t mind animals of any kind and so far hadn’t resulted allergic to any of them, and if he did, then he would figure it out somehow. He just didn’t want Jack to worry about a thing more in that moment. 

“Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. Gigi is okay, and the plants... Monica told me that when plants die if you’re taking good care of them is because they’re absorbing the curses of your enemies. I mean, they... kind of were forced to die, but maybe they just died protecting me. It was a good death,” he said, not allowing himself to get sentimental about things for one of them had to keep a cold head. He knew he was internalising his own reactions in that moment, and it would end in a week’s long exhaustion, but he would be okay. Finn wasn’t sure what Jack’s confusion was, but his eyes traveled with theirs to the scars in his arms, matching many more he’d seen on him before but never really had the nerve to ask, just to accept. His own hand moved gently over them, trying to distract their eyes and bring them back to his. “That’s good. That’s something,” he nodded. 

“Oh, yeah… this,” Tommy sighed, looking down at the rather nasty looking scratch on his forearm. “I got this fighting off one of the burglars… Yeah, I mean, you should see the other guy. I got him real good…” 

Finn quirked an eyebrow with disbelief. “Did you at least get a look of what the other guy looked like?”

He didn’t look away when Finn motioned to his bed, instead kept his gaze on him. “Sleeping in someone’s bed because you want to, and sleeping there because it’s your only place to sleep. Those are very different things,” he said, searching his eyes for some kind of reaction when he felt his lips touch his. He wasn’t fully in his body yet, couldn’t completely understand what a kiss was and how it connected to him, but he would be lying if he said it didn’t help him focus his mind. He nodded at the question, then laughed a small, breathy laugh at the statement that followed. It wasn’t a yes, but he thought it was better. A more mutual agreement that they had both wanted the same thing. Of course Jack would be the one to ruin whatever moment Finn had crafted in his head, his words hardly ever disconnected from his thoughts. Especially around Finn. “Okay. You can ask when you want to. We can forget I asked.”