not dead

Goodbye, my childhood friend. July 20, 2017.

chester charles bennington ( march 20, 1976 – july 20, 2017 ) you were my hero, and you probably always will be my hero. i was in a sad and dark place as i got into linkin park, and the person i’ve looked up to from second one? it was you, it was always you. i used to call you “the light of my life” because your smile, your energy and your positivity lighted up my life, never did i knew that you’re actually one more light, and that light is now gone. you made me into the person i am today, and i’m in such a better place with linkin parks help. and i’m so sorry nobody has heard your pain, even though now that i look into one more light much more, i realize that you’ve been telling us all along and i’m so sorry, i love you so much. and i always will.

you saved millions of lives, but millions of lives couldnt save you. and even though i didnt know you in person, it always did feel like you were my friend, that your voice was there to comfort me whenever i was scared and sad. i dont know how a single person affect my life so much that i can barely function, but it feels like i’ve lost a part of myself, and now that every tear is out, i’m numb and i feel nothing.i already miss you so much. i’m feeling very hopeless right now, and if you do too, i’m here for you. 

I lost my hero today. I feel like I’ve lost a part of my soul.

I was 15 when I first found out about Linkin Park. They were the first band I fell in love with that weren’t from my country yet made me feel like I needed to go through all their records. And so I did. Chester’s voice represented so much that I could not put in words. But I needed to understand his words too. Without the translations. This made me pay attention to my English classes. I owe my first attempts of learning how to speak English to him and his band.

I have turned to Linkin Park’s music for every emotion I have ever felt. Their music has touched me. Chester’s powerful voice has guided me through hard times and it was with me when I was feeling on top of the world too.

Chester was my first music idol. I literally grew up listening to Linkin Park.

It’s devastating how one can save millions but millions can not save the one. You’re always going to be my legend. You’ve had an impact on millions, Ches. You will live on in your music. May your voice and Linkin Park never leave our hearts 🥀

Okay, so this one hit real hard.

I have been a fan since “One step closer”. That was a voice, a style of music I had never heard before, and I was hooked. Especially by their lyrics.

I have had “Hybrid Theory” in my car for like a decade. I have all their albums. I sweat it out at the gym to their songs. I cried to “Valentines Day” and found strength in “Points of Authority”. I blasted every song on “Collision Course”, an amazing new musical thing for me. I rocked out to “Live in Texas” like there was no tomorrow. I stood in awe at their live gigs, going from “fuck yeah” to “goosebump-moment”. Fuck, I think I even had a little crush on him way back (”Chester is the only man who is allowed to yell at me!” - oh the fun we had).

Simply said: I made memories to this music. A LOT.

I am really devastated. I did not even know him, but he was a part of my everyday life through his music. He was so powerful on stage. Every single time. I was always blown away when I got the chance to see them live.

But he apparently was so broken inside.

Let’s use this tragedy for one thing - let’s get people talking about mental health. Mental health issues are REAL - I don’t want to see anyone anymore telling a person going through such an issue to “snap out of it”. Or “lighten up”. Or whatever. We need to start taking this more serious.

If you feel like there is no other way, if you feel you have nothing left, PLEASE REACH OUT TO SOMEONE. PLEASE. You got nothing to lose if you try to talk to someone.

Stay safe everyone, be kind and loving.

JJ