Fiji Island Mermaid Press

Oyster Crackers Demonstrate Our Horrible Fate.

I was looking for oyster crackers in the grocery store the other day. They are a bit hard to find, because it turns out they are the only crackers in the cracker aisle that live in bags instead of boxes. Now, maybe it’s obvious to you why that is the case, but it wasn’t to me. I just thought it was weird.

Pondering this, I wandered towards the chips. It turns out that chips come in bags. You don’t get a box of chips, you grab a bag of chips. So, why bags for chips and boxes for crackers? If you break a chip in two, you have two smaller chips, both perfectly edible. But if you break a cracker, you have a ruined hors-d’oeuvre delivery system, and something which would look just terrible in a little arrangement on a plate. So, a nice sturdy box for crackers.

But why make oyster crackers so difficult to find, as the only bagged cracker in the cracker aisle? Well, if you look at the other cracker boxes, it turns out they all have bags inside. The bag is really the essential cracker container, just as it is with chips. The bags are airtight and keep the crackers or chips fresh. I guess since oyster crackers just float around in soup and are pretty sturdy little things, the bag is all you really need. Why pay twice as much to package the product, using both a bag and a box, if you don’t have to, thinks the oyster cracker maker?

The other day the Pope released a statement pointing out that we are rapidly converting our beautiful planet into an “immense pile of filth”. Most scientists agree with him. He suggested that we would all have to sacrifice and struggle and evaluate our lives and values and things we hold dear, and just generally give a crap, if we want to turn things around and keep this place habitable for future generations.

But here’s my question. Do you think that we, proud Americans that we are, would tolerate buying our crackers in bags, and eating a couple of broken ones now and then, if it meant half as much packaging went into the landfill? Honestly? Big Cracker doesn’t think so, or they would be doing it already, as it would cost them half as much in packaging costs to get their product on the shelves. And if we won't sacrifice the integrity of our crackers, what’s the chance that we will make the kinds of changes that would really make a difference?

"Toxic", 3.5" x 5", 2015