I feel despair a bit, honestly. I feel like everyone got tired of war and they don't want to hear about it anymore. And that it was just a trend for people I felt connection to for these years.
The thing is, it didn't end at all. And now I don't relate to any trends going on in the internet. The web has been a huge escapism method for me and I learned a lot from people here. I related to them, I empathized with them, I shared their stories all the time with my friends and family. But I feel left alone now.
I wonder if people from east of Ukraine felt like this in 2014. One of the things that the war has taught me is how awful everyone treats refugees. Not that "oh, everyone is so bad and heartless", it's just that people from safe lands get annoyed at refugees easily. The annoyance grows into disrespect and people stop empathizing with those who suffered. It's just sad, idk. I'm so tired and I want to sleep but I also wanted to write a little something here.
I remember I wanted to share this video about Paris being bombed. It was made to show how awful the war would be if we lost. And I love that this video exists because maybe it'll convince people to help our military and our country, but at the same time it sent me back to the first day of the war. I felt like this little shivering scared kitten, crying and weeping of fear. I'm not strong, my peers are much stronger than me. It's just that we were all forced into this war. Forced by putin and his silent majority. I hate them all. I will never be a silent majority. This is also something the war has taught me.
My birthday is on this Wednesday, March 16th, and I'm turning 18yo. Hooray. At least mom and pets came here yesterday.
Why am I still writing all this? Holy fuck do i suck at blogs lmao plus what the fuck is this paragraph. I cannot even blame it on sleepiness, it's just cringe. I'm counting on that noone would read this at this point.
Btw I'll make a post with that Paris video. You do need to see it. It's important. War doesn't come with your consent and you can't be emotionally prepared for it. Even if you're mostly safe, you're forced into agony and trauma. I should make a post about my experience with trauma from the first days in Kyiv.
Also it's Chornobyl, not Chernobyl.
Thanks for reading!
