fight fire with lighters

I’m either about to lose the opportunity of a lifetime Or I’m getting played for chump. I might be in love I might be a fool. I know I am really fucking smart. But in the real world, real shit, it’s a little bit harder. Sifting through the flotsam and jetsam of ego and abuse. Desire and repulsion. Feeling too strongly. Being frightened And excited sexually in the same breath. Breathing so quick and lost completely lost in sensation. Missing you and the earth and myself but not missing anything. Not believing in gravity, riding high off your dick and cumming and cumming and cumming. Being lost with you and fully enveloped together in an cave of pleasure and bodily animal closeness. Blessed in my proximity to you. Lost in desire. I write about you but I am afraid to speak around you. Never want you to find me boring or nagging, annoying or drama. I think about you often but to be with you is much, much better. But often the men I think I know surprised me by being something else altogether. I don’t know what we are or could be but if you will try I will try just as hard.

. Or shut the fuck up.

Apologies for any inconvenience

five rocks. a glen in the wood with a rock for each child to sit upon. biggest sister had a rock shaped like an armchair. next sister had a ledge beneath which grew violets. I had a pointy bench. little brother had a smooth stone with a secret hiding hatch. little sister had the tiniest spit of a rock, smooth stone. was near enough the barn we could sneak a visit when we were sent to collect eggs. we had two rocks for peeing on, the boys room and the girls room. we had the coldest running water, hand pumped from the well. nearby our parents and their freidns built us a playhouse. one story with a loft. no electricity or water but a grand place to play house. and chess. read dfor hours there with lazy orange barncats.

the linen closet. silence of linens like hands folded in prayer.