51 Candles

So I’m sitting here drinking coffee getting ready to start my day with a pilates class that will kick my butt but I’ve got time to kill before heading out at 815am so I’m watching TV, having started with the morning news- BBC Breakfast, NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt for yesterday’s news, and now Watch What Happens Live on YouTube. And this is when I start asking myself, when am I going to grow up??! When I get sucked into the reality show vortex, 

Lately I’ve been thinking about a more productive way to spend my time and I have lots of ideas- and a lot that I actually need to get done around the house and in general- but I’m always dragging my heels. I do a lot of research online with little follow-through in real life and I can’t believe that this person who existed in their 20′s still exists today; big ideas, a bit of follow-through, but mostly big ideas!

My oldest is headed to a prestigious university next year to study Engineering (I attended the same university way back when) so a friend from said university mentioned a mutual friend whose son would also be attending our alma mater. The woman whose son will be attending next year is the CEO and President of a large, well-known American company (one that nearly all Americans have purchased something from) and my friend is herself the Vice President of Global Markets at a big bank. And then there I am, someone who’s always teetering on the brink of something but with little follow-through. I started becoming embarrassed for my son.

Here’s the thing I tell myself when I’m feeling particularly down about my lack of recognizable success; success comes in so many different versions depending on who you are. Kristen Bell used an expression once that I’ll never forget- she was talking about the pitfalls of thinking that all that glitters is gold when pursuing Instagram and how that can cause a ‘comparison hangover’, when you’ve spent too much time in a day comparing yourself to others. 

So here’s a small piece of advice that I’ve come up with, one that I often tell myself in an effort to get myself out of my self-imposed slump; take stock of all the little things you’ve done and continue do on a daily basis and soon you’ll see that what you thought was a mole hill is actually a mountain. 

My doors are closed for business when it comes to having more kids! I have four wonderful (most of the time!) teenagers and although I did want five kids at one point in my life, that was a looooooong time ago! Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. And horrified. Because in my dream I was my age, 51! 

This is what a dream about pregnancy can mean; Pregnancy dreams symbolize an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. Being pregnant in your dream may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal. For those who are actually pregnant, then the dreams are more about anxieties of the pregnancy.

Wow! I do actually have a new project in my head- this blog obviously- but also one that involves an app I developed a while ago that had been sitting stagnant in the Apple App Store and apparently buggy, so I have an idea for an app that draws on my idea but improves it. The reality is though that I need to do a lot of research before going back to a new developer to work on this app.

What I wanted to put out there were some true words of wisdom I was told during a conversation with Mike from Appy Monkey in London. In a nutshell he said he’d be happy to remove the bugs from my current app and update it. I could pour more money into an app with no legs or I could take some time and give a long hard think about my new idea. Create a survey for friends and family to question whether my new idea was useful. He felt very strongly though, and this is what I wanted to mention, that the best way to work with him and his team is if I had real passion because passion is infectious and they as developers could also get excited about the idea. He could simply take my money or we could create something together that could actually make a dent in the app market. The choice is mine.

So this is what I wanted you to take away from today’s post; there’s everything right with episodic creative brainstorms. I have them all the time. When they happen to you, write them down. Do your research. Talk to friends. Never be ashamed if you don’t follow through but don’t give up. This is my problem- I brainstorm but once the endorphins have settled, I tend to move past my idea too quickly.

I’m not going to tell you to not allow life to pass you by- we all know that- but what I can tell you is that it’s really important to have a passion in your life, whether it lasts or not, it’s empowering. You have the freedom to decide what really floats your boat and if you can turn that passion into something that excites you every day, more power to you! Everyone deserves a pregnancy dream- hopefully you too will have yours soon! x

I started an Instagram account a few months ago called @fiftyonecandles, an account that features me, a 51 year old being 51! I quickly realized though that there are a vast amount of beautiful half-centurions flaunting their best selves on social media- and for good reason (!)- so I decided to change tack and treat the account like a diary, taking photos and writing about things I find might be helpful as I navigate this next chapter in my life.

I’m the kind of person who’s perpetually on the hunt for a better version of me whether as a mother, a wife, a friend, body-wise, looks-wise, health-wise, blah blah blah. It’s not as boring as it sounds! 

Hopefully I can offer you words of wisdom from a wise mid-lifer! Thanks so much for following me here and please check out my Instagram account! x