how’s about a bout of clinical depression before: i’m supposed to entertain people i don’t care to know, i’m supposed to move out of my house, i’m supposed to confront someone who is using the race card as a power play (i shit you not, it’s extremely manipulative and ignorant), my sisters birthday who i’m not really “allowed” to see, and all of this before i actually get insurance/mental health care that has been neglected to me since day 1. like really if the cops get called tomorrow i may be happier. i don’t want to do this anymore. not right now at least.
my mom told me she was in counseling because i’ve “abandoned” her when she won’t even call me. i’ve been neglected counseling because i “don’t really want to kill myself” or because “i’m sad about nothing” or because “i don’t let god into my life more” my whole life.
she’s hanging over my head that E has anxiety attacks because i’ve left. i’ve had anxiety attacks my whole life that have never been addressed.
she’s been talking shit about me to literally everyone she can get to listen and it all flows back to me.
i don’t know what to fucking do. like really everything is so gray right now. i have an awesome job and a few awesome friends that i can’t see clearly enough right now to appreciate. and the very fact that i acknowledge that is snowballing into more self-pity bullshit.
this is all stemming from not being on hormone therapy anymore. am i having withdrawals? who knows. i’m just really fucking sad.
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
