FgSidekick

"Of course it wasn't young mortal, Men rarely do mistakes, especially one as powerful and perfect as my self. You see, some time ago I saved a group of those things you call fags, from some Men mugging them, of course had i know what was their real nature i would have never interfeared with a Man rightly taking what he wanted from one of those inferiors, but alas in my ignorance i resque the fairies.

I figured out what they where immediately after, as they sarted talking with their ridicule annoying voices about nonsence like how where oppressed all while leaning on me, and trying to touch my muscles and one of them even had the gall to ask for a kiss on the cheeks and called me Daddy for some reason, i've never been so disespected in my hole exsistence.

I wanted to slowly destroy every single one of them for that affronts, but then as i was going to break every single bones in their scrawny bodies, i thoungt at all the Men they wouldn't be able to worship and serve, so for their sake I didn't, but those pesky fags needed a reminder of who is their better so i had to do something, so instead demolishing the entire building and exterminating those pests as I would have gladly done, in my infinite kindness, I decided to spare those wretched lives in hope that they see their unnatural ways and change.

In the end I've decided to fly into their little degenerated den, and destroy every single of their patethic flags and everything that seemed important for them. Of course this was my first and last warning for those cockroaches, if they continue to behave in such a manner toward me or any Man, they will feel the wrath of the Thunderer and this time there will be no mercy from me". He said smirking darkly, after that the mighty God saluted you and flew away with his legendary hammer to new adventures.

*stares in awe*

Your even bigger in person! C-could I maybe get an autograph?

He looks at you a bit annoyed for a second, then he takes your piece of paper and a pen and starts writing: "Sure you can kid, here you go; to my biggest fan, remember real Men are not pussies, real Men fuck one". He gives it to you while you look at him in awe: "Now excuse me. I just saw a couple of pansies that just begged me to be beaten up, so long kid, and remember to always bash those digusting faggots." He salutes you and starts walking toward a group of people in the distance with a stony expression.

"You are right to fear my farts mortal, their stink is as mighty as me and even the smallest ones usually cause great discomfort to the others Avengers. I tried multiple methods, but nothing really worked. The only thing that partially did so, was sitting on the head of one of my effeminate mortal servants and using it as a filter, but they are too weak and rarely survive my first release.

My brother Loki, who heard me talk about it, took one of those… fags, right? and transformed him into some kind of very resistant undergarment that completely absorbs the smell and muffles the sound of my farts, completely solving my problem.

But this is Loki we are talking about, so he added a little prank to it; the undergarment can still smell and taste everything, and even talk is given the command; and while his whining and pleading for mercy are very entertaining, I do not think I'm going to free them any time soon; they are too comfortable, and Loki told me that even with me wearing them every day and never washing them, they should last for at least a couple of decades, even against the godly farts of the thunderer himself." he says smiling at you

"Those… guys as you called them are getting what they need to in this moment, allow me to explain. When I saved those guys, I immediately noticed something was wrong; their voices were too high and annoying; they lacked muscle and were far too weak to be normal; when I asked them about it, they just said they were faggots and didn't want to exercise; probably they didn't want to break their fingernails or something hehe. Anyway i was getting pretty mad at how they just talked to me looking at my eyes like we were equal, they even tried to touch my mighty muscles!. But what really made me mad was that after all that, they had the gall to just walk away without bowing to ask my permission nor licking my boots clean as a thank you, such a disgrace. But worry not citizen as soon as those fairies started walking i grab them and took in a far place, where me and my other Super Friends will beat some sense in those degenerates, no matter how long does it takes". He flies away after a quick salute gesture and a kind smile.

After a long night of saving damsels-in-distress and fighting aliens and robots, Superman loves nothing more than kicking back with a hot cup of joe. But between all the heroics and badassery he’s really let his apartment go. Flip flops on the floor, bag on the counter,his boots are dirty and smudged and he hasn’t vacuumed in weeks.

Coming to ABC in 2019, the next great superhero television series, 

Agents of S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T! 

(abbreviation for Straight Tall Ripped Alphas Investigating Gay & Homosexual Terrorism).

Starring Brett Dalton as the ladies’ favourite agent, Grant Ward, this new series will see Master Ward leading a team of Alpha Straight Agents (all reclassified as Masters by SHIELD) including the likes of Master Hunter, Master Mack and this week’s special guest Absorbing Man as they travel the world to put a stop to any and all traces of public male homo-ness. 

As selected by @tinydickfaggotslave and @fag2servestr8men

A few months after the battle of New York, Thor made a thunderous return to Midgard. As usual he was quickly greeted by SHIELD agents who tracked Asgardian energy, including his good friend Phil Coulson.

“Son of Coul, I have returned to your world because I have grave concerns,”

“We’re always ready and willing to help Thor, what is it?”

“During my various excursions into your social spaces, I’ve noticed the most peculiar creatures. They appear to be physically male - not particularly strong or talented looking specimens, but male regardless - however they have ridiculous voices, dress in womanly clothing and most shockingly, express attraction to other men.”

“Ah, the fags. Yeah they’re annoying, but no one can really do anything about them.”

“What if I told you they were a threat to your global security?”

Agent Coulson raised his head at this. He pulled out his notepad and a pen, “Carry on.”

“I believe they are remnants of the Faerie race. Many aeons ago they walked among the Asgardians, contributing nothing of value,loudly protesting against the Kings and the Generals for nonsensical reasons and trying to trick our bravest army men into exposing themselves by disguising as members of the Valkyrie!”

“Eventually Odin had had enough, and ordered them all enslaved. Warriors of all breed and species came together for the Great Task. They were all shackled up and about to be deposited into the darkest, dankest cells when Laufey, the big lug, stumbled and dropped them into the aether and they vanished, presumably forever. Not the most graceful of Asgards missions, but if nothing else they were gone like we wanted. I think earth may be where they ended up. Faerie descendants live among you now, just as pathetic as before and I’d wager just as nefarious.”

Coulson was enthralled with the story. It made so much sense. “I think you’re right, but we’d need proof before Fury or the council let us do anything much about it.”

“Our Asgardian scientists still have all the information about the Faeries on file, we would just need to take one of your…fags, is it…back for testing,” the god of Thunder said, a grin forming on his handsome face.

Coulson returned the smile. “I’ve got an idea.”

A few minutes later the two men were wandering in the forest. “How long before the faggot arrives? What exactly did you describe in the advertisement? One of those whipped caffiene drinks they like? Or a party featuring some of that foolish “music” they flop around to?”

“Well…no…” Coulson replied, “I just said ‘Thor’s in the woods. And he’s got his guns out.’Should be one here any second now.” Thor gave him an annoyed glare.

Sure enough, a few minutes later a pink flannel clad homo came skipping into the woods. “Yoohoo, Hey Thor can I get a selfie with you? Do something hawt, like flex or…ooh you should dab! They’ll love that on my insta!”

Thor wasted no time letting Mjolnir fly. He chuckled as he stepped toward the faggot, who was now whining and groaning but couldn’t move as the hammer was sitting on his chest.

Thor snapped his fingers and there was a flash of lightning. The next thing the homo knew he was in a cage, steel bars all around him. And his clothes were gone.

Thor grabbed the handle on top of the cage and effortlessly hoisted it off the ground. “I will take this specimen back to our labs and get back to you as soon as we have results.”

“W-what? But my followers will notice I’m gone!”

“That’s funny,” Coulson said as he scrolled through his tablet, “It doesn’t seem there’s any trace of you online at all…”

Thor laughed deeply. lifting the cage up so he was eye level with the fruitcake. “Trust me faerie, there will be plenty of people looking to you for entertainment in your new home.” With that the Asgardian prince shook Agent Coulson’s hand, and in a flash they were gone.

Until next time, Mighty Thor!