Knight of the Woeful Countenance

Among many other Talents, my family is good at insults.  Please enjoy:

”We promise to return Cousin Scott in as many pieces as we receive him.” “…Pieces, Plural?” “Scott, his artifical leg, and the wee peanut rattling around his skull that he uses for a brain.”

“You’re going to make some some future paleontologist very famous when they discover your solid-bone skull.”

“Professor Ingram has left for the University of Lousiana’s Psych department, thereby raising the average IQ of both departments.”

“Can you believe someone started a rumor that I slept my way to the top?” “No way.  You’re nowhere near to the top.”

“You are my sister and I love you but I’m pretty sure if I were to shout directly into your ear canal you’d echo.”

“Some things ferment and improve with age- Wine and Cheese for instance. You’ve just decomposed.”

“Dense doesn’t begin to cover it.  People who get close to him get trapped in his Event Horizon.”

“Some people have a devil on thier shoulder that whispers temptations to them.  Yours is bellowing that that was over the line.”

“I won’t deny that you have hidden depths, but they’re less like the potentially levithan-filled ocean and more like the secret compartment in the dryer where the socks get lost.”

“I can’t come to your birthday Nina.  I’ve scheduled a root canal that day specifically so I wouldn’t have to.”

“She describes her ancestry and it sounds like a fancy cheese platter but in person she’s velveeta.”