Maybe if we Ran away with Carly Rae Jepsen in 2015 none of this would have happened

Not that there's anything wrong with having something wrong with you

I have so many people blocked. I have blocked men and women and children with wild abandon. I have blocked so many people that the borders between days have ceased to have meaning. my connection to my own humanity buckles and crumbles under the crushing weight of my infinite blocklist. I will never be forgiven, and my only hope is that, at the pearly gates, I will stand before st peter long enough to block him, too.

hey man everyone loved how convenient and easily forgettable you were on earth. u were the least inconvenient person out there. my buddy told me you were super helpful and nice and didn't take up any space and just slid away from their mind as soon as they stopped looking at you. it was really impressive how little of an impression you made on anyone. sucks that it didn't save you man.

youre in her dms im on wikipedia looking at bronze age tombs

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

#tapping the reblog button with utmost care because i’m handling a historical artifact (via @malarkiness)

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

Why did 12 people reblog this today??? IT IS ONLY AUGUST!!!

I see it is once again August 😮‍💨

Confession: I have a friend who likes to text me at like 4am when he’s had nightmares or he can’t sleep or he just needs a friend. He thinks I’m always awake at 4am but really I go to bed around 12am and I change his text-tone to the loudest one I have just so it wakes me up when he needs me.

you’re the kind of friend everyone needs

I think that since its been a year since I made this post its time for an update. In the past year I’ve watched this post grow and grow, people I work with have told me about it as “this post I saw the other day” and they have no idea it’s my post. The person I wrote this about has even reblogged it. He is no longer texting me at 4am. Not because we no longer speak but because the nightmares have stopped. He and I both are in a much better place. Most often the only times he’s waking me up at 4am is when he’s pulling me closer to him while we sleep. He’s more than a friend now and I’m forever thankful to have him. Everyone messaged me saying he was lucky to have me but I think I was just as lucky to have him and I would do it all over.

the absolute best dynamic to read/write about is between 1 person who is so good at performing and wearing masks that they don’t know who they really are and 1 person who cannot be anyone but their most excruciatingly authentic self at all times and sees right through them; the mirrorball and the one who is not like the regulars, so to speak

every time you SIN you gain ONE SINPOINT. i SIN frequently and gain SINPOINTS often because i am not gentle or kind. i buy perfume that smells like wolves

one of the most challenging skills i've had to learn as an adult is the art of figuring out whether i'm proportionally annoyed with someone or just tired and overstimulated and looking for reasons to be pissed off

congratulations to the only post i've ever had breach 100k notes without any real discourse or fighting, just a lot of people wearily going, oh, god, same