your local sober vodka aunt

cats have a long history of freaking out at invisible objects so this is normal

It's incredible how all of the censorship on the modern internet doesn't actually seem to be making society kinder or more wholesome hmm maybe there's a lesson in this

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

Because it's also evil

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

You meet god

Whole, in one gulp.

Father of the Muffin Boy

Car's haunted

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

into the sky, where it turns into stars

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

....Ah

a roasted brussel sprout can change your life if you let it. open your heart. take my hand. its good, try it. i love a brusseled sprout I love you

I like in avatar when they sneak into omashu and Aang is like "I'm mr Pippinpaddleopsicopolis" and the king thinks "this is obviously Aang, my old friend, who is still 12 for some weird reason" and then turns around and goes "of course, mr Pippinpaddleopsicopolis"

just remembered shows used to have 20-25 eps per season

i think the thing about batman's no kill rule is that its essentially bruce saying "guilty people don't deserve to be murdered on the street either, actually." and he's not wrong.

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

#tapping the reblog button with utmost care because i’m handling a historical artifact (via @malarkiness)

Scrolling through the morning news, (Tumblr, the only news source I trust)

If I am going to read lies at least here they are farm-fresh artisanal lies, made by good, honest craftsmen, not that AI slop

These lies are organic, locally grown, in season, and hand picked by only the finest lie connoisseurs (my mutuals)

Scrolling through the morning news, (Tumblr, the only news source I trust)

If I am going to read lies at least here they are farm-fresh artisanal lies, made by good, honest craftsmen, not that AI slop

These lies are organic, locally grown, in season, and hand picked by only the finest lie connoisseurs (my mutuals)

I need him face today.

i hate the bone snake