Not here.

I feel like I’m waking up from an awful nightmare that’s lasted the entire week.

For the past eight months my reality has been better than my dreams. It seemed real and everything was finally falling into place. But now to abruptly realise it was mostly, if not all a farce feels like a slap in the face. 

While there are some things I need to settle and slowly sort through, life is really wonderful right now.

A year ago, I couldn’t imagine being where I am now. I couldn’t be happier about some areas of my life. Things are working out beyond how I’d ever imagined - and for that I am thankful.

I remember why I love/hate re-visiting this space. Alright, hate is too strong a word. But it feels like I’m getting sucked into another portal. A portal of past-me. A parallel universe before I made brilliant or silly decisions, before what led to present-me today.

All the memories flood back. As I skim through.

I love reminiscing. The nostalgia. I could survive on that alone for days.

But the pain of some of them. Yikes. 

There was a long period of time I was so disciplined about journalling. I treasured my quiet time to recollect my thoughts, recount my day, and plan for what was ahead. With many exciting life developments happening, you’d think I’d be more motivated to record it all... 

But these days I find myself out of step with routined acts I once found solace in. I wonder why I drifted so far. Some days just float by and I feel like a mere spectator watching from afar.

I hope this break will be a time of renewal. For me to find things that keep me grounded once more.