feelings jam

CG: IT’S JUST A BROKEN ANKLE IN THE PHYSICAL SENSE! JUST A DUMBASS PHYSICAL HURT THAT’LL GO AWAY AS THE SWEEPS GO BY. WORSE SHIT HAS HAPPENED, RIGHT?

CG: AS FOR THE FUCKASSES YOU’LL HEAR WHO DID FUCKING AMAZING THINGS OVER THE SUMMER, LIKE SKYDIVING INTO A VOLCANO OR SOME SIMILAR SHIT, FUCK THEM HARD UP THE NOOK!

CG: I’D BET MY RIGHT HAND IT WASN’T AS FUN AS THEY CLAIM. BESIDES THAT, YOU’VE GOT SWEEPS OF SUMMERS AHEAD OF YOU TO SKYDIVE INTO VOLCANOES OR BACKPACK THROUGH SOMEWHERE EARTH EXCITING. LOSING ONE ISN’T GOING TO BE A BIG FUCKING DEAL IN THE LONG RUN. BESIDES, YOU’RE PHYSICALLY OKAY AND THAT’S WHAT FUCKING *MATTERS.* YOU’RE NOT HORRIBLY PHYSICALLY MUTILATED OR SOMETHING. BESIDES THAT IT’S PERFECTLY FINE TO STAY INSIDE ALL HUMAN SUMMER IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT.

CG: IN THIS CASE IT KINDA FUCKING WASN’T, BUT BEAR WITH ME. YOU CAN USE YOUR FREE TIME TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT! EXCEPT KILLING BECAUSE I THINK THAT’S NOT LEGAL ON EARTH. BUT OTHER THAN BREAKING YOUR STUPID EARTH LAWS, NO ONE HAS ANY SHITTING SAY IN HOW YOU SPEND YOUR TIME.

EB: hey, i know you're feeling terrible. i get it.

EB: i've been sick too, and i mean REALLY sick.

EB: sure, it sucks. but you know what? you're not going to be sick forever.

EB: and if you're feeling horrible now, keep strong by thinking about the morning you wake up and you're not sick anymore!

EB: and sure, you need your bedrest. but that doesn't mean bedrest can't be awesome.

EB: i mean, for one thing, you don't have to go to school, and even if you like school, it sucks having to ALWAYS go EVERY weekday.

EB: for another? you get the house to yourself during the day, and that's always fun.

EB: last time i was sick, i decided to blast con air at full volume through our home entertainment system.

EB: the resulting strains of how do i live echoed for days. seriously.

CA: listen here, landdwweller, because i dont alwways givve these sorts of speeches to evveryone. you havve lots of anxiety i hear. and the fear of people combined wwith it im sure doesnt help wwith makin any chums. but wwhat I havve to say to you is important, so take a second to collect your thoughts together and just listen.

CA: the wworld and its people are fuckin cruel. life can be vviscious and changin its ferocity all the time. so it's much like the ocean in a wway. sometimes, it may have a strong current, and swweep you away when you believed you could handle it. and this makes you nervvous not knowwin wwhen these changes wwill occur.

CA: there are people wwho understand howw to swwim, and people wwho dont. youre just one of those people wwho aren’t familiar wwith it or doesn't havve the experience to knoww the wway to swwim. you feel like youre goin to drowwn in that sea of responsibilities, friendships, or evveryday life situations. and that's fine and dandy, but you can't keep yourself in a bubble your entire life.

CA: dip your feet in. take your time to ease yourself into things. people wwill try to rush you. but don't let them push you in until YOURE good and ready. youre in charge of how you feel. not them.

CA: you might feel the ovverpowwerin feeling of fear swweepin you awway, or somethin might surprise you before you're ready. but itll be fine. evvery time it happens, youll gain experience and knowwledge of how to handle it. youll see that things will turn out alright in the end. so don't let this stop you from tryin again and learnin more! be brave. theres always a calm moment to be found in chaos.

CA: and no matter howw cruel people seem, there are alwways people there wwho aren't. people wwho are genuine. and sometimes, you need to see that for yourself. the wworld isnt out to get you, and some people wwant to help or knoww you. don't shovve yourself into friendships wwith people wwho make you uncomfortable just so you can say you havve a moirail, or friends. you dont deservve scum. you deservve treasure, as corny as that sounds. it may take awwhile, as it did wwith me, but you'll find someone wwho listens to you and is truly good. hell, i only had fef and kar for the longest time. still do. and if someone like me managed to get a moirail once, im certain you can find a friend. havvin lots of friends doesn't determine your vvalue, and neither does not havvin them. it may be difficult and take awwhile, but havve faith in yourself and be patient. you’ll find them.

CA: so evvery time you feel anxious, and like the currents of the wworld and life are going to swweep you awway: just stop for a moment. take a feww sloww breaths, and look at the sky. youre alive. youre here for a reason. you're strong. and soon, youll be stronger than that current that spawns during your life. but wwhen it does, take small steps into it for noww. evventually you can gain trust in people and form friendships. And these people wwill continue helpin you until you can divve in with confidence.

TT: Take a deep breath. Then let it out.

TT: You will never have that breath again. There will be many breaths like it, of course, but that particular breath will never grace your lungs again.

TT: Take another deep breath. Savor it this time. Then let it out.

TT: That breath, regardless of how pleasant or unpleasant it may have been, will never return to you.

TT: When people say "all good things must come to an end," they're correct.

TT: But the same is true of that which is bad.

TT: The things that are contributing to this period of stress you're enduring - though they might seem insurmountable at this point in time, rest assured, in the future they will merely be challenges long since overcome.

TT: Problems with school, problems at work, problems with family - All of these are important and need to be dealt with.

TT: But never forget that everything is, in it's nature, ephemeral.

TT: Loss is... considerably more difficult to work through. The loss of material goods will undoubtedly make life severely more difficult for you. The loss of childhood is something we all must deal with as we're expelled from one world and forced to traverse another.

TT: The loss of a loved one is the most difficult of all.

TT: If that is the sort of loss you've been forced to cope with, I would like to deliver my deepest condolences. The only advice I can give is to live well. Live as best you can. Live in a manner that would make the person you've lost proud.

TT: Take another breath. Let it in. Then out.

TT: Another moment has passed. It was here. Now it's passed into the ethereal void, never to return.

TT: There are many moments to come. Love them as much as you can. Live them as well as you can. Let no one else sully your moments.

TT: One more breath. Let it in. With it, gather up all of your stresses and troubles and worries.

TT: Let it out. Expel them. They are gone, along with the moments they existed in and the breath with which you cast them away. You are free. Go on and live as well as you can.

:33 < when... you like someone and they dont like you

:33 < its hard

:33 < you just want them to s33 how much you care about them!

:33 < and you want them to care about you too...

:33 < but

:33 < as hard as it is you just have to accept that they are their own purrson and not liking you, as much as it sucks, is part of who they are

:33 < you may like this person with all your heart but if life does not bring you together, then maybe its just not meant to be

:33 < but that doesnt mean youre not desirable!! not at all

:33 < please dont think that the person you like right now is the judge of how lofurly you are

:33 < beclaws there will definitely be someone who likes you for all your qualities, big and small and serious and silly

:33 < and you are a beautyifful person!

:33 < sometimes our hearts just lead us in a direction that doesnt work out before showing us the right way!

:33 < youll s33! X33

AT: rIGHT, oKAY, sO,

AT: bEING LEFT ALONE IS, sORT OF NOT FUN AT ALL, sOMETIMES,

AT: bUT,

AT: i THINK IT CAN ALSO SORT OF BE, rEALLY REALLY NICE, i GUESS,

AT: aLL THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS SORT OF THINK OF IT DIFFERENTLY,

AT: iNSTEAD OF SAYING, hEYYY, iM ALONE, aND IT SUCKS, a LOT, yOU CAN SAY SOMETHING LIKE,,,

AT: hEY, i'M FINALLY ALONE, i CAN TAKE SOME TIME TO MYSELF, aND HAVE FUN DOING THINGS i CAN ONLY DO ALONE,

AT: lIKE READING A REALLY GREAT BOOK, oR GOING ON A NICE QUIET WALK, oR TAKING A NAP, oR PLAYING A VIDEO GAME, }:)

AT: jUST REMEMBER THAT, jUST BECAUSE YOUR MOIRAIL WENT TO DO SOME OTHER THINGS, dOESNT MEAN YOU AREN'T SPECIAL TO THEM,

AT: pEOPLE GET CAUGHT UP DOING THINGS AND BEING BUSY, aND THAT CAN SORT OF HURT SOMETIMES, bUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU AREN'T SPECIAL, oR IMPORTANT, oR ANY OF THOSE GREAT THINGS THAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE,