Mandy

i installed a camera in your room

Author’s Note: Isn’t family wonderful? Tags: @etherealdemeter @darkfaethedestroyer @jason-todd-squad @angelgl16 @imjustnightwingingit

Dick, who’s holding a cereal box in one hand, a jug of milk in the other, while staring at his three bickering brothers: “I still wonder why I naively assume I’ll enjoy my breakfast without seeing the three of you in my apartment.”

Tim, who’s holding the coffee pot: “Do you not want us to come here?”

Dick: “I mean, you could try not coming here first?”

Jason: “Where’s the fun in that?”

Dick: “Well for starters, I get to eat my breakfast without having to break up a two-on-one fight.”

Damian, who’s looking smugly at Tim and Jason: “He put you two on the same team because he knew you would need help beating me.”

Jason: “You know what, you little shit? Tim, help me out.”

Tim: “On it.”

Dick, running to stop them: “No, NO!”

Jason: “Butt out Golden-Boy. This is between me, the replacement, and the little spawn.”

Damian: “More like the Blood-Son, the replacement, and the DISAPPOINTMENT!”

Jason: “Why I oughta!”

Damian: “If you could’ve, you would’ve!”

Dick, who has a foot to Jason’s chest and is trying to separate Tim and Damian: “OHANA MEANS FAMILY. AND FAMILY MEANS-”

Tim: “FAMILY MEANS JACK-SHIT WHEN OUR HONOR IS ON THE LINE.”

Dick: “ALRIGHT THAT’S IT! DISHONOR! DISHONOR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! DISHONOR ON YOU! DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!”

Damian: “HOW DARE YOU INSULT BATCOW IN SUCH A MANNER?!”

Jason: “He was quoting Mulan, two-bit!”

Damian: “I DON’T CARE WHAT HE WAS QUOTING! HE HAS OFFENDED BATCOW’S HONOR!”

Dick: “WHEN I ASKED BRUCE FOR A FAMILY, THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.”

Tim, who’s now in a headlock: “Hey, take us or leave us.”

Dick: “I’M SERIOUSLY CONTEMPLATING LEAVING YOU.”

Tim: “No, you aren’t.”

Dick channeling his inner John Cena: “ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?”

Tim, tipping his head side-to-side: “I’m like…ninety-nine percent sure. Though that might be the sleep deprivation talking.

Dick: “I thought we talked about the sleep deprivation Timmy.”

Tim: “Oh, we did. But I didn’t listen.”

Dick: “No shit Sherlock.”

Damian, who is fighting even though Dick has a hold of his collar: “I DEMAND RETRIBUTION FOR BATCOW’S HONOR!”

Jason: “Are you still going on about that?”

Damian: “I WILL AVENGE IT IN HER STEAD!”

Dick who’s close to tears at this point: “I JUST WANT TO EAT MY BREAKFAST IN PEACE!”

Tim: “We’re in Gotham City Dick. There’s no such thing as peace.”

Jason: “Facts right there kid.”

Dick who is probably in tears now: “I JUST WANT A NORMAL MORNING! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!”

Tim: “Do you want an answer? Or was that rhetorical?”

Jason: “I think it was rhetorical.”

Damian: “I applaud your ability to discern rhetorical from not.”

Jason: “Go fuck-”