here's to winning.

permafrost Zayne from Love and Deepspace got me obsessed ;A;

Tara looked up from her desk, well her OLD desk. She wasn’t going to be a doctor here much longer. And this wasn’t going to be her office. Dark eyes pierced the other as if trying to peer into their soul, cogs turning within her mind, questioning how they even know about Gemma. This HAD to be one of that twisted bitch’s taunts… “What I do with Jax is my business. And if what I do with Gemma is your business. Then I suggest you ask HER.” Cold reply, voice unwavering and she turned back away. Still the question dug into her mind like a leucotome being pushed through her eye socket for a transorbital lobotomy. The truth was? Far too complicated to hash out with a random cunt bitch in her office at the hospital. And in deeper truth? She hadn’t entirely even hashed it out with her own CONSCIENCE & SUBCONSCIOUS.

She supposed she had something to prove. TO FIX. Like an obsessive compulsive dictatorship within her mind, telling her that the only scenario in which gets out of this as a GOOD PERSON would be if she was with Jax & the kids, and if she helped him escape the lifetime she’d previously ABANDONED HIM to suffer through all alone. She never should’ve left. Or maybe she never should’ve come back. Wasn’t it ironic, though? In coming back home and taking back Jax, she’d neglected to share her deepest secret. And, no, somehow she WASN’T talking about her abortion. No, no… The truth was? Tara had made the decision to leave after she’d cheated on Jax WITH GEMMA at the tender age of eighteen .She was lost and confused -- SCARED. Definitely scared. And she panicked and she believed the best thing she could do was leave this mess before it erupted right in her face.

In her mind that made HER the problem. HER the monster. She’d been the unfaithful one. And as Gemma repeatedly would tell her. She & Tara? Leaving Jax? Leaving Charming? Would RUIN HIM. So maybe Gemma only had herself to blame for Tara’s obsession with fixing what she’d broken. Oh, who was Tara kidding? That was her desperate need to appear INNOCENCE & BLAMELESS. Tara had made this mess. She knew she would. And still she left. She hadn’t even come back for Jax. She’d come back for the SAFETY he’d provide from Kohn -- The man she’d married and been impregnated by while Jax was falling apart. And once he’d killed Kohn for her? Well, how the fuck was she supposed to leave THEN? …Turned out Gemma wasn’t the only one living a tangled web of manipulative lies. Besides, perhaps they were right. After all, the truest words she’d ever spoken to Jax were that night she’d FORCED HIM to tell her he loved her. And he did. Before asking her if she loved him…

“If I could stop, I would…”

( this is basically just a very self indulgent list of various fluff, angst, and suggestive themed dialogue sentence starters. )

❛ i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me. ❜

❛ i’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still. ❜

❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜

❛ promise me you’ll still be here when i wake up. ❜

❛ you’re not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜

❛ i thought you’d like some company. ❜ 

❛ clean yourself up. you're getting blood all over the place. ❜

❛ here, give this a try and tell me what you think. ❜

❛ you can kiss me, you know. ❜

❛ come back to bed. ❜

❛ you look good like this. ❜

❛ working together again, it’s just like old times. ❜

❛ how is it you always know what i need, huh? ❜

❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜ 

❛ i can’t imagine losing someone like that. i’m sorry. ❜

❛ you know you can always talk to me. ❜

❛ the only one who gets to kill you, is me. ❜

❛ so, what do i owe this pleasure? ❜

❛ ah, so you aren’t heartless after all. ❜

❛ may i have this dance? ❜ 

❛ it’s okay, you can touch me. i won't break. ❜

❛ enemies make the best lovers, you know. ❜

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

❛ we can't keep doing this. ❜ 

❛ you look like you've got something to say. ❜

❛ just relax and let me take care of you. ❜

❛ thought you’d be lighter without all that blood. ❜

❛ i had it under control. you didn’t need to do that. ❜

❛ everything looks so beautiful from up here. ❜

❛ you treat all your ladies like this? ❜

❛ well? how do i look? ❜

❛ can’t sleep? ❜

❛ do you mind if i smoke? ❜

❛ i’m scared of ending up alone. ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ how long has it been since you've slept? ❜

❛ you are losing my interest, and that’s very dangerous. ❜

❛ i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight. ❜

❛ you look really pretty right now. ❜

❛ i’ve never cared for anyone the way i care for you. ❜

❛ i’m not wearing any underwear. thought you’d like to know. ❜

❛ just a few more stitches and you’ll be as good as new. ❜

❛ i’d say we make a pretty good team. ❜

❛ i want you to forget this ever happened. ❜

❛ i'm here for business — not pleasure. ❜

❛ if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were jealous. ❜

❛ you'd look better down on your knees. ❜

❛ fine, keep acting like you hate me. ❜

❛ kiss me again. ❜

❛ are you asking me out on a date? ❜

❛ just sit there and look pretty and let me handle this. ❜

❛ you okay? caught you staring off into space again. ❜

❛ well, i do feel better now that you're here. ❜

❛ i'm not drunk enough for this. ❜ 

❛ why is it whenever we see each other, you’re covered in blood? ❜

❛ i was wrong about you. ❜ 

❛ the first time i met you, i had no idea you'd mean this much. ❜

❛ you gonna be a good girl / boy for me? ❜

❛ i’m not afraid of you. ❜

❛ books mean more to me than people anyway. ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ how about a kiss goodnight? ❜

❛ i don’t have time for distractions right now. ❜

❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜