Fear is an Anchor.

“I’m jealous of the people who get to hold some one’s hands in slow concerts. I always wanted to hold some one’s hand, look in their eyes and kiss them on your cheek while listening to slow music. I always wanted to do all those things with you but now i feel stupid for wishing those things because you not only ruined me, but you ruined all the slow concerts for me.”

“I thought I was the kind of girl who knew what she wanted. I thought I had it all figured out, that I could outsmart anyone and that I‘d never settle for less than I wanted and certainly not for less than I deserved. And here I am now, nothing more than a feeble flicker of what I used to feel simmering in the pit of my stomach. I‘m a fleeting kiss on the cheek and the girl who meets you frequently - but never the one who stays, only the one that comes and goes. The one with her car standing in your driveway, gone the next morning. Always leaving, always running. I‘m both heartfelt conversations at midnight and a whispered hello and a court nod in the streets. I’m unanswered texts and silent understandings. I’m left on read, tangled limbs, skin on skin and crying on the bathroom floor. I’m an hourglass running out of sand to spill. I’m shy smiles and empty gazes all at once and my confusion borders on madness. I don’t know who I am around you anymore and I forgot who I used to be when I was on my own. Once, I think, I wanted to be more than this. I wanted us to be more. I wanted to be the one you thought of with a smile and the girl who woke up next to you. I wanted to be the one you called at night, the one you told your mother about and the one to pick up the pieces for you whenever you were too broken to do it by yourself. I wish I could say I knew what I want now. But you made me lose sight of it. There‘s only one thing I know for sure: I‘m the girl I swore I‘d never become. Turning into a stranger in front of her own eyes for somebody who can’t make up his mind.”

Do not punish the behaviour you want to see

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