stanley uris.

private f2f {steddie}

I…I know. I know that. Please don’t think I’ve forgotten. I couldn’t, just to be clear, but especially not when it involves time spent with you. I just…I mean, it’s…The elephant in the room. You’re my best friend, we’ve known each other for all these years, done all these things and been through so much together. But we both know there are…Expectations. Standards. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know which way is up anymore. Do I call you Sir, or are you still Stanley? I know we’ve been…Winging it, so-to-speak. I know this must be weird for you sometimes, too. I just don’t…I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m really trying to say, I guess. Can it be both? Should it be? Are we a different couple in public and private? Can we be?

Eddie... Come here, let’s talk about this. Let me hold you. I could never see you as lesser, I hope you know that. I’m aware of what society expects of us, I’m aware of the hierarchy, but honestly I think it’s bullshit. You know how we were treated growing up, before we got our marks. Being bullied as a kid has made it really difficult for me to accept the doctrine of the day. Maybe I’m just not meant for structured societal norms, because I’ve never been very good at keeping up with my dad’s standards with religion either. If it was up to me, we wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t feel this way. We’d be happy and we wouldn’t have to worry about anything. We don’t have to let anyone else touch our alone time. It doesn’t have to be different, and if it is different in any way, it can be our choice. I don’t want you to feel forced to do anything with me.

private f2f {steddie}

In that case, Sir, I would love to go, yes. I’ve been trying to catch glimpses of the light show from here. I’m sorry I didn’t ask. I just don’t want to…Overstep. Or assume. 

Eddie, we’ve known each other far too long for you to think you’re overstepping with me. We’ve been best friends since we were kids. You’ve seen bullies toss my yarmulke out of the bus window. We jumped into the barrens in our underwear. None of the seven of us could ever overstep on each other. Ever. You can definitely ask me a question. Especially when it comes to school-wide events. 

private f2f {steddie}

I do, Sir, but I didn’t want to ask if you weren’t up for going. I know it isn’t your thing. 

I think it might be my thing, actually. It’s non denominational, and it should be relatively quiet. I think it sounds like a nice date night. For the two of us.

Do you want to go see the light show, dove?

Is anyone else on campus celebrating Hanukkah this year, or doing any Hanukkah related activities? If so, I would really love the chance to join. Or, if anyone wants to get something like that started, or planned for, I’d be open to talking through some suggestions!

Do you go to usually go to synagogue? I’m Stanley Uris. I wasn’t sure if I’d do anything this year, but... I’ll do something in my suite, if you want to come. If you can get permission, from whoever has you for this mock claim. 

I wouldn’t change anything about him, he’s perfect. 

private f2f {steddie}

Good, I’d be heartbroken if you did. You aren’t? You really aren’t? Stanley! Sir, I…Please. You have no idea how badly I want that. Want you. It would be the highlight of my life, being yours. Officially. 

I know better, dove. I want you to, Eddie. Let me dry those tears, then we can file the request together. Then we just have to wait.

private f2f {steddie}

Sir…I know you will. I don’t want you to think for one second that I question that. You…But that’s…You want…Me? Claim- you said claim me? Stan, I hope you aren’t joking. Are you joking? I can laugh, if you are. Ha ha. But if you aren’t…Please tell me now because otherwise I’ll feel like a fool, being in your lap over a joke. 

I don’t doubt you in any way Eddie. Don’t worry. While I do have a different sense of humor than most, no, I’m not joking. Feel free to come sit in my lap, you’ll never look like a fool there. I want to claim you, Eddie. 

private f2f {steddie}

I feel okay, Sir. Better than last night, I know that much. Thank you for coming to get me, Stan. You know how much that means to me. 

I will always come for you, Eddie. And at this point, after everything, I just... want to claim you. Then you’ll always be here. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I hope you believe me, I promised. You’re safe, my dove. 

How are you feeling, dove?

Hearing Stanley’s voice brought with it a good amount of relief, though still not enough to completely calm Eddie. Everything in him warred, torn between his own spiraling panic and wanting more than anything to give himself over to his Dominant. Tears fell from his eyes as he was shifted into Stanley’s lap. His body relaxed a bit, however he still remained as folded in on himself as possible. Open, shaking palms covered his eyes, as if shielding them would somehow make the situation less real. While some may have considered his reaction disproportionate, anyone who knew his and Stanley’s history with Patrick Hockstetter and Reginald Huggins would know that it wasn’t. The torment the two, along with Henry Bowers and Victor Criss, had put them and their friends through was unmatched in any childhood bullying story he’d ever heard. The members of the Bowers Gang were cruel, vile, and ruthless, and more times than not, Eddie had found himself asking if they even had souls. Henry Bowers, who poisoned and killed one of their best friends’ dogs. Victor Criss, his loyal second-in-command. Patrick Hockstetter, who collected dead flies, and had a penchant for hurting people without empathy, care, or remorse, starting with pulling the pigtails of girls in his Kindergarten class. Reginald Huggins, who’d earned his nickname Belch, the co-signer on every vile action, the driver of the getaway car, and the puller of rank and status any time anyone dared breathe wrong in their space. Hearing Stanley’s voice brought Eddie back from his thoughts. At the Dominant’s words, he shifted to rest his ear directly over Stan’s heart before wrapping both arms around Stan’s waist. Closing his eyes Eddie did his best to steady his breathing, focusing only on Stanley’s. After several moments, he nodded. “I-I think I’m okay to walk. I love you, Stanley. Thank you. Thank you. I want to go, I want to get out of here. At least your door at Dalton has a lock.” Pushing himself up and using the edge of his bed as a guide, Eddie stood, swaying for a moment but managing to steady himself before collapse. “I’m okay. I’m good. I just need to get my medicine, and my inhaler, and then we can go.” Tears still fell from his eyes as he attempted to move around his room. 

For a while, everything seemed to calm down. Stanley held Eddie in his ams and he could feel the other man beginning to relax. It wasn’t perfect, but it was working, and he felt like he was helping. But it wasn’t enough to break through the fear, and when Eddie broke free and rose it was immediately clear that he wasn’t ready to be trying to pack things up. His submissive was still upset and he felt his fists clench at his sides as an anger rose inside of him that he had never felt before. The sight of tears in Eddie’s eyes brought them to his as well and he rose too, following Eddie. Gently, he took his boy’s hands and shhed him, bringing those knuckles up to his lips so that he could kiss each one of them in time. “Eddie, sweetheart. We can go, but first I need you to know that I mean it when I saw that I won’t allow them to hurt you. Please, talk to me. Let me help you calm down before we start packing up.”

When the ask had come through, Eddie immediately felt his heart stop. His chest tightened, restricting his breathing instantly. Groping for his inhaler, he took two large breaths, doing his best to calm himself and allow the ‘medication’ to work. Even that didn’t help, though. His eyes bounced frantically to the other side of the room, now standing empty and ill-lit. His breathing soon became quicker, his breaths shorter, and he found himself sliding off the side of his bed and onto the ground, making himself as small as possible as he brought his knees to his chest. Eddie’s eyes remained focused on his door, and although Stanley had assured he was on his way, Eddie didn’t feel safe, and the reality was, anyone could be coming through that door. He squeezed his eyes shut when the knob began to turn, placing his forehead against his knees as his stomach lurched. Bringing his arms up over his head, he prayed the voice he’d hear would be Stan’s. 

@feardenied​

The terror that ran through Eddie was felt by Stan as well. Not just because of their close bond, but because he knew what this could mean. There was no way that Eddie wasn’t absolutely in need, distressed beyond compare. It was possible that one or two of their worst childhood bullies might be on their way to torment Eddie in person. Stan nearly ran, finding himself nearly breathless when he opened Eddie’s door. He knew that his love was alone, his roommate having moved out for a claim, so he knew there would be nobody to be upset by his interruption. Seeing Eddie on the floor, he knelt down in front of him and scooped him up and pulled him against his chest. “I love you, my brave boy. I’m here, you’re not alone. I’ll take care of you. I need you to close your eyes for me and listen to my heart beating, okay? Breathe with me. Hold onto me.”

Eddie: It already has. You've reached the inbox of Eddie Kaspbrak's ghost. Leave a message, maybe I'll get it in the next two centuries. The faith you have in me is astounding, because I'm positive the walls are closing in as we speak.

Eddie: They would. They would and they did. Because it doesn't matter if I get tormented, Stanley. It doesn't matter because /I don't matter/.

Eddie: I know, I know. I think I'm going to vomit. I'll vomit and then pass out and then probably vomit while I'm passed out and I'll choke because I don't have a roommate anymore and then I'll die and I don't want to go out like that Stanley, not like that. /Please help me/.

Eddie: My Secret Santa. It's one of them.

Stan: That won't happen, I promise. I'm already inside McKinley. Just hold on for a minute more, for me. Be brave, my beautiful boy. I know you are.

Eddie: Nothing. Everything. I don't know. I can't breathe. I'm hyperventilating. I'm going to pass out.

Eddie: /It's one of them. I don't know which one, but it's one of them/.