SAVE. LOAD. RESET.

 When I first started working on an UT blog I had hit a depression low. I was in a university I hated, forced to study something that I wanted nothing to do with by my parents and completely miserable. Undertale was a breath for me and I found relief in the story and in my blog. So I made my first blog ‘flowey-and-frisk’ that was set in an Underfell universe. I started to draw again after 2-3 years and my first art was crappy. But I kept trying because I was just so excited and desperate for an escape from my life that even the crappy art and probably horrible drabbles was something for me.

 But I had committed a crime without knowing it. I had aged up my Frisk to 14 (or16?) years of age, because I personally don’t enjoy roleplaying children. Little did I know the second I attempted to thread with a popular Sans blog I instantly got a hate-filled inbox calling me all sorts of things. Now, mind you, I had never attempted or suggested I was interested in shipping. The actual thread legitimately started with me allowing my muse to be attacked and openly expressing to the mun that I wouldn’t mind killing them off either.

 It was one week in the community and people were already telling me to go kill myself and that I’m a pedophile. Just try to put yourself in my shoes for a second there, you’re already depressed and suicidal in a really bad situation irl and people are harassing you online for something you didn’t do just because you dared talk to their favorite edgy sans blog that they worship, like “don’t you even think you can talk to my husbando”.

 I didn’t leave right then. I just distanced myself from the blog for a while and then went back to try and make a chara blog. It was an ‘ic’ blog because those were trending. All the blogs I followed though had really complex and a lot of times ooc sans and papyrus duplicates and my attempts to interact would be ignored. So I went back to Frisk and Flowey for another attempt, only to be met with more snobbery and people sending me hateful stuff about my art. You know what’s weird? A lot of this hate would be received when I was trying to send asks to more popular sans blogs.

 About 2--3 months after I joined tumblr my blog was still developing and I met some people who I thought cared about my characters. This particular part of the story I really don’t want to elaborate on. It left me feeling extremely hurt and bitter. I had met some good people though like im-sans-ational (who then became my best friend to this day), side-chara-cter, toddling-pacifist, kindnessneedsbravery/fatesfeated, existence-overwhelming, plasmaseine, resetkid, deadly-devotion. Those people made it worth staying on the blogs despite my fallout with my previous rp group. So I moved to this blog and continued my story.

 EDIT: I forgot to mention the time I went to this ‘summer’ event thing on discord. And me being new to the scene or w/e I was very shy and tried to get some rps going while putting a lot of effort to overcome my anxiety. You know how we include our url in the name in events like that, right? So, someone on that chat, despite seeing full well what my url was, instead of taking the 1 minute to check the blog or w/e legit typed out in the ooc brackets ((who tf are you?)) under my response. People told them to check the url to which they responded with ‘it wasn’t visible’ or w/e but it was full well visible. It just wasn’t popular.

 On this blog I was met with people who wanted free art from me and tried to get it by showing false interest in my muses. I was also met with people who were transphobic, homophobic, or misogynistic and most of all, fuckbois who wanted to force-ship with my muses. I know 70% of people who followed me did it when I was doing those ‘I’ll draw your muse’ memes. No one really gave a shit for my stories, except for my few friends. And to be honest I wasn’t that upset with that because I know my writing isn’t for everyone.

 What really bothers me, though, the reason I can’t stand this fandom anymore is how no one gave me a chance, because I was someone that didn’t want to conform and write the same old story all over again. I didn’t want the ‘classic’ UT, I didn’t even want the ‘classic’ UF. I wanted an expanded, complex world with the meta-game essence to it and to be honest I like my world. I love my characters. I’ve had them for 2+ years now. I don’t want to abandon the blog or my stories but at this point I’m just genuinely hurt.

 I’m hurt because I see people now drawing human!Flowey in the exact same style as me, when I’d done it first I’d got SHIT for it and people telling me “You’re better off going fandomless bc that’s not undertale” when I tried to interact with them. I’m hurt because my Frisk was always under-appreciated and frowned upon because they weren’t cute and 12. I’m hurt because I put all this thought and effort in creating my own headcanons for Chara but once again he’s not good enough because he’s not 12 and cute.

 NOT EVERYONE HAS TO BE 12 AND CUTE. DIVERSITY IN CHARACTER INTERPRETATION IS A THING.

 BTW I see all those call-out posts for people ‘fetishizing gay people’ etc etc. What are those sancest/m!preg fanatics doing then? Isn’t this fetishizing gay couples? 90% of them have  bdsm nsfw as well because that’s apparently a lot of muns’ sexual fantasies that they roleplay into their characters.

 All in all, I don’t care if you don’t like my blog. But it really ticks me off to see the same people that ignored me and my muses re-blogging ‘PSAS’ about how they care about character individuality and people’s OCs.

 Stop saying you want diversity in the RPC. You don’t want diversity. You want the same three characters over and over in a plethora of urls, you want simple rulle pages and about pages, you won’t read the drabbles unless it’s about your OTP or about a character you’re invested in.

 Stop saying you support beginner writers.

  Stop saying you’re interested in people’s OCs.