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M O V E D -> @paradisusamissam

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𓂃 ₊ ❝ ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜᴀʀᴘɴᴇꜱꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴꜱᴘᴏᴋᴇɴ ʙᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴜꜱ. ʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴀ ʙᴀʀʀɪꜱᴛᴇʀ ɪ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴋᴇᴅ ᴀʟᴏɴɢꜱɪᴅᴇ. & ɴᴏᴡ, ʜᴇ ᴍᴜꜱᴛ ᴏʙᴇʏ ᴍᴇ. ꜱᴏ, ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴛᴏɴᴇ ᴏꜰ ʜɪꜱ, ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴘᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ / ᴍᴏʀᴇ-ꜱʟᴏᴡʟʏ-ᴛʜᴀɴ-ɴᴇᴄᴇꜱꜱᴀʀʏ / - ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴀ ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ: ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴀ 'ꜰᴜᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜ!' ⚖︎
She decided to just tell her the truth about what had gotten her in trouble. Was it wise to tell an actual judge this? Maybe not. But she was already free and had gotten rid of the charges, so what was the worst that could happen? And she might be a little smug about it. "I got caught while taking a watch without paying. If I intended to pay or not, well, I told your colleague, Mr Orwell, that I did, and he believed me. Let's just leave it at that." Sadie said this in an easy tone, like it was no big deal, while winking at her.
"Jessica. You do look like a Jessica. It suits you." She bumped into her playfully while they walked to the karaoke bar. "I would love it if you could show me some of the beautiful parts of the city. I was actually born here, but my mom and I moved to Glasgow when I was fifteen. After Lauren, my ex, broke my heart, I needed a new start, somewhere else. So, London was the obvious choice - a place to reconnect with my childhood, while also starting fresh."
She looked at Jessica, taking her in. "What has you needing a few drinks and a distraction? If you want to talk about it, of course. No pressure. I can see that your wedding ring hasn't been off your finger for long. The indent is still there." Sadie might look like she was just being playful, but she does pay attention to details, which is what made her such a good thief. It was what enabled her to know how to manipulate people when needed. It had been the reason she had her fair share of jobs she wouldn't have gotten otherwise. It was what had gotten her the one she had now as a realtor.
there didn’t seem to be any hesitation before words flowed easily between them. it impressed her how freely the other woman spoke, unbothered by jessica’s own profession — & it was oddly relieving. in the end, it's been for years on end so : no clear line drawn between the courtroom, court cases, & her family or private life. even her own son, her dear harry, sometimes treated her more like a judge than a mother. & oh, wasn't he the very one who made her spiral into the gray area of law loopholes & the legal versus moral responsibility. still, jessica’s brow arched, dare she say, impressed. ❝ it wasn’t the first time, was it? ❞ she asked, voice softer, bright eyes fixed on the other woman. in many ways, court cases weren’t far from theatre — fates handed to a small group tasked with weighing every shard of evidence & objection of roles played before them. & sadie seemed very much the performer — poised enough to navigate it, even if jessica sensed no lie in anything she’d shared. both of them might well be questioned for their choices tonight — an easy thought to dismiss as sadie’s shoulder brushed hers, sparking an unexpected sense of familiarity. ❝ oh, i imagine it’s nothing like you remember. but nonetheless : welcome home. &—— oh, well… ❞ it still felt strange to find herself at a loss for words — but broken relationships hardly seemed the right thing to bond over.
nonetheless, the subject pushed itself to the surface, & she instinctively rubbed onto her ring finger, ornamented by a golden ring no longer. something between a quiet breath & a small smile escaped her before she spoke. ❝ yes, i’ve just gone through a break-up as well… it feels as though a lot of old structures have been collapsing lately... ❞ birds of a feather flock together — there was something oddly fitting about the saying in that moment. grief had a strange way of recognising its own. both their lives had been turned clean on their heads ; perhaps that alone was reason enough to seek a moment of ease & something resembling familiarity, something that would help take one's mind off the weighting matters. ❝ my ex-husband is a barrister — as i used to be. for a long time i did everything to keep our marriage steady where our careers could get in the way. but when our son got into some—— trouble... everything proved as fragile as a house of cards. ❞ saying it aloud felt like reopening a wound she hand't yet even got used to covering. ❝ so i’m sorry you’ve had to go through having your heart bruised like that too. & i know saying you’re still young & beautiful won’t necessarily help, ❞ a winder smile etched back into jessica's lips, ❝ but there’s comfort in knowing there are paths yet to discover. would be a pity to lose the opportunity over shoplifting, though. ❞ the words were meant to tease ; her very tone lifted, just enough to soften the heaviness & playful glint lighting her blue-green eyes as she guided sadie down another alleyway, leading them towards soho, where she was sure the karaoke bar wouldn't even be half filled at this early hour.
lyrics from five songs that remind you of your muse.
one. labour : Who tends the orchards? Who fixes up the gables Emotional torture from the head of your high table Who fetches the water from the rocky mountain spring? And walk back down again to feel your words And their sharp sting And I'm getting fucking tired Apologies from my tongue, and never yours Busy lapping from flowing cup and stabbing with your fork I know you're a smart man (I know you're a smart man) And weaponise The false incompetence, it's dominance under a guise If we had a daughter, I'd watch and could not save her The emotional torture from the head of your high table She'd do what you taught her She'd meet the same cruel fate So now I've gotta run, so I can undo this mistake At least I've gotta try
two. my soul i : My soul I am broken by you One morning I'll wake up renewed Don't go love I need you to stay My soul I am broken today And I will work out what it meant And I will mend you in the end 'Cause I'll do anything to love you Love you I'll do anything to love you Love you It may not be easy to see But I'm ready I need to believe
three. music by men : You have a bigger ego than you think you do Slide down in my seat so as not to threaten you Let it be us, let it be home Falling asleep and not looking at our phone Then comes the work, the resentments, and the hurt Looking at your haircut and that stupid band T-shirt I always thought I was nice, I thought I was kind 'Til I tried to do something that was almost real life It's not like what I've seen in TV shows It's not like what I've read in books It's so much harder than it looks And there isn't much applause
four. running up that hill : And if I only could I'd make a deal with God And I'd get Him to swap our places Be runnin' up that road Be runnin' up that hill Be runnin' up that building Say, if I only could You don't wanna hurt me But see how deep the bullet lies Unaware I'm tearin' you asunder Oh, there is thunder in our hearts Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Oh, tell me, we both matter, don't we?
five. the best : I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire You come to me, come to me wild and wild When you come to me Give me everything I need Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams [...] You're simply the best Better than all the rest Better than anyone Anyone I've ever met / / / man! i feel like a woman! : I'm goin' out tonight, I'm feelin' alright Gonna let it all hang out Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice Yeah, I wanna scream and shout, uh No inhibitions, make no conditions Get a little outta line I ain't gonna act politically correct I only wanna have a good time Man, I feel like a woman
six. [ *bonus for sadie/@magicallwomen ] so what : I guess i just lost my husband I don't know where he went So I'm gonna drink my money I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope) I got a brand new attitude And i'm gonna wear it tonight I wanna get in trouble I wanna start a fight So so what? I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves And i don't need you And guess what I'm having more fun And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight I'm alright, I'm just fine
TAGGED BY: @magicallwomen
TAGGING: whoever else wants to do it <3
Success, her smile grew wider at the others' words. She presented her arm to the other to take. "I don't mind at all. Lead the way, Miss Judge." Sadie said, not knowing the woman's name just yet. She did wonder for a moment what made her say yes so easily, but in the end, it didn't matter much, because she could tell the other needed to just let go, and Sadie wouldn't mind being the one helping her do that at all. Since Lauren had broken up with her, she moved from Glasgow to London. She didn't know if they had pressed any charges against her there, but she wasn't going back to find out anyway.
"I don't know that many people here, just moved to London." She said easily, as a way to start a conversation. She didn't mention she had been in court for a shoplifting demaenor, which she had actually done, but talked herself out of. So she had to lie low for a while, it seemed. Luckily, she would start a new job on Monday. "My name is Sadie, by the way." Sadie looked at her again with her bright blue eyes.
'miss judge' — the words made jessica smile softly. for once, her title carried no weight, but lightness. it wasn’t laced with the disdain of envious men, nor the wary distrust of women who’d read too much into her son’s case once it had reached the public eye. & even if being addressed as miss still didn’t sit quite right with her. her lips pressed together at the thought of it all, & of harry’s face, but she looped her arm gently through the other woman’s, willing herself out of mournful thoughts, allowed yet another thread of thought tugged at her ; the absurdity of it all. perhaps that, in itself, was enough to kindle a spark of intrigue about how this late afternoon might unfold.
jessica’s brow arched faintly. ❝ what brought you into crown court so soon, if i may ask? ❞ she asked lightly, her tone anything but prying. nothing too serious — that much was certain. even now, jessica was always watching... walking down the court corridor that other day, when the other woman had first thrown her that bold remark about her looks & judge robes, jessica, too, had noticed a familiar barrister, & the glint of victory unmistakable in her eyes. quick case & won, she deduced. ❝ well, i’d be happy to show you around, sadie. my schedule isn’t all that full these days, apart from the long hours in court. & i’m jessica. ❞ ‘parks’ remained unspoken. she doubted her troubles had travelled far enough to reach sadie’s ears, not if she’d only just arrived in the capital. she wouldn’t tempt fate, though ; the desire to set it all aside burned quietly beneath the surface. ❝ what brought you to london, though? ❞ jessica looked back at her with genuine curiosity, deftly weaving through the evening crowds that spilled from every pub & alley at this hour, this day of the week.

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there was no doubt about that — stumbling upon this intriguing young woman had felt like a sudden jolt, one that, for a fleeting moment, tore her free from a string of what seemed like dreadful nightmares. even on days like this, when she tried in vain to retrace the careful steps of what once resembled her old life, the weight of it all pressed upon her shoulders, heavy enough to draw tears the moment she stepped into an e m p t y house. & work? though it offered distraction, it brought no ease. cases were as dire as ever — only now shadowed by the scrutiny of the uk press, & the growing distance among old friends & colleagues.
jessica couldn’t help a quiet snort at the other’s remark, her gaze never faltering as it met the woman’s — & it was steady, assessing, almost devouring. well, she wasn’t wrong… jessica could barely recall the last time she had truly let herself unwind. ah, perhaps that party—— before she’d returned home & her family’s world had fallen into shambles. it had been months now. nearly a year.
jessica tilted her head, studying the other woman — the glint in her eyes unmistakable, a spark that promised trouble. & yet, the weight of grief & worry yielded to curiosity. still, for a fleeting second, she almost felt lighter at the very thought. ❝ i believe a drink or two wouldn’t hurt, ❞ she said with a nod, for once, genuinely relieved it was friday, too. ❝ i know a lovely place. that is, if you don’t mind a karaoke stage in the background. ❞
@magicallwomen | | cont .
i know i am barely here (or anywhere else for that matter) & yet i keep coming to add muses. & here goes yet another one cause i'm incapable of stopping thinking about her, & won't for a long time. i tell myself i want to be here more, even if just for shorter threads cause life is just so busy.
but for now : here she is! & lemmie know of maybe you'd like to start something with our dear judge 🥰
petition
𝙒𝙀 𝙁𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏 , 𝙒𝙀 𝙁 𝘼 𝙇 𝙇 - 𝘿𝙐𝙏𝙔 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙎, 𝙄𝙏 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙎 | 𝙎𝘼𝙔 𝙒𝙀 𝘾 𝙃 𝙊 𝙊 𝙎 𝙀 𝘽𝙐𝙏 𝙄𝙏'𝙎 𝙉 𝙊 𝘾𝙃𝙊𝙄𝘾𝙀 𝘼𝙏 𝘼𝙇𝙇 | 𝙈𝙀𝙍𝘾𝙔, 𝙋𝙀𝘼𝘾𝙀 & 𝙅𝙐𝙎𝙏𝙄𝘾𝙀 𝘾𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙃 & 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙏𝙀𝘾𝙏 𝙐𝙎 | 𝘽𝘼𝙏𝙏𝙇𝙀 𝘽𝙊𝙍𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙔 𝙎𝙀𝙉𝘿 𝙐𝙎 , 𝘾𝙊𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝙄𝙉 𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙉𝙊𝘽𝙇𝙀 𝘽 𝙇 𝙊 𝙊 𝘿 .
@ourcbcros ; 𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝 , 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚜-𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 , 𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 & 𝚘𝚌 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚒-𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐 . 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚍. 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛. 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜. 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 , 𝚏𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚞𝚡𝚡
To be so close, to smell the familiar scent that made a school of fish go crazy in the pit of her stomach. Siuan had come to learn restrain in her years in the tower. Had learned to mask her feelings in a way that they threaten to pull her under water. It was the only time she had come to be afraid of drowning. The inability to express herself truthfully for the sake of the mission. Fingers twitch, eyes scanned the brunette's beautiful features where she notes the exhaustion. The primal need of tucking themselves into a small corner and watch Moiraine rest had clawed at her heart but she knows better than to allow herself that luxury, not yet.
Features remained unreadable as she waited for the other to begin speaking, only for Siuan to fail on keeping herself neutral at the mention of Amadicia. Frown etched itself onto her features, and she unwillingly takes a step towards Moiraine. Noting the movement the amyrlin seat shook her dome, coming back into her facade as the leader of this tower. "How did you end up in such dangerous place?"
People in Amadicia weren't exactly fond of the Aes sedia, /especially/ the children of the light. The fact that her journey had taken Moiraine into the den of Piranhas was something to be worried about; but then again, she'll always worry for the blue ajah, it is tattooed in her very soul. "What are you suggesting?" She questioned, eyes narrowing briefly before sighing. Siuan wouldn't have qualms on lending her help to the cause. To leave the tower for some adventuring of her own had been a desire she'd held onto all this time but alas, circumstances had prevented the Amyrlin to leave these hollowed walls.
moiraine made no real attempt to still the way her heart stuttered as the other woman stepped forward, nor the way it clenched when she paused a mere heartbeat later. her hand curled into a fist, as though that alone could keep her from reaching out. she ought not... but flesh remembered longing even when the mind forbade it. it was forbidden — by tower politics & custom alike. any personal entanglement with the amyrlin invited whispers of conflict, & perhaps especially so if their duty concerning the dragon reborn was to go astray. there was so much at stake, & the light knew how many nights moiraine had spent, wondering if that was the wheel’s way of making its final cut — severing all they were, & all they had ever longed to be, since the news had reached her. whatever calm she had mustered on the surface did little to quiet the storm beneath her carefully kept mask.
still, her lips curled faintly, as if a ghost of warmth playing on her mouth alone might ease siuan's worry. ❝ there was only so long i could ignore the possibility the babe had ended up there, of all places, ❞ she said plainly. ❝ the girl too— she’s eleven, ❞ moiraine added, her voice weighted with the barest hope she might have found the right child. ❝ but she was born weeks after the war ended. ❞ but that did not mean she could blind herself to what might happen if the whitecloaks discovered the spark within her had finally stirred. nor the fact the tower walls seemed all the emptier on each of her visits. ❝ i did not come to ask the amyrlin... i came to ask you, siuan. ❞ now it was moiraine who dared to challenge the distance that remained between them. all the walls immediately threatened to shatter. they always did when with siuan — leaving her bare, vulnerable — & somehow, in all of that, safe. always safe. ❝ there is no other sister i can turn to. if they begin asking too many questions—— ❞ no sane channeller would go within miles of amadicia’s borders, let alone its capital. & for all they knew, the black ajah might still hide within the tower’s walls, able to see through any twisted truth moiraine could conjure. but with the right diversion & a careful plan, there was still a chance to escape it alive — whether from darkfriends or whitecloaks.

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Lanfear would ensure that when the time came to get rid of Moiraine, she would do so without using her power. She wanted to end her life violently. For now, she still had use for the other and wanted to work together with her. So now the forsaken would have fun with the brunette. Would rile her up, play with her, before pouncing when it was least expected.
She let a hand go up towards Moiraine's face, a finger tracing her jaw while she looked into those blue eyes. "And why do you challenge me? Hmm?" She questioned rhetorically, while she looked at how she would react. "Eventually, we will be on different sides, but it doesn't mean we can't have some fun while we are still civil." Well, somewhat, at least.
the aes sedai of the age of legends would scarcely comprehend the oaths hawkwing had bound upon those living today, yet lanfear wielded words with equal precision — an artform honed to steer discourse, twist truth, sidestep inquiry. moiraine lifted her chin as lanfear’s cool fingers traced the line of her jaw. a subtle motion, while she considered the most prudent move ; her thoughts moved like chess pieces, each option weighted in silence. it was near folly to think she stood a chance against the forsaken — & yet, she had outwitted her once before. & she would do so again.
❝ because i know i can, ❞ moiraine said, the first oath permitting the words to pass her lips — & they did, edged with certainty, even if her next breath came thinner, edged with unease, her lungs tightened, with a blend of fear & anticipation. moiraine reached, fingers closing around lanfear’s wrist tightly as those touches were still perilously tender, still threatening to draw her in. she balanced on a razor’s edge — one wrong move & she would plummet into the abyss. but she had sworn — if she was to fall, then lanfear would follow her down. still, the aes sedai leaned closer, narrowing the space until lanfear’s breath warmed her skin, & her perfume wrapped around moiraine’s senses. ❝ now, what might that be? ❞
@nightdaughtcr
RATE YOUR MUSE'S TRAITS 0-10 ! repost and rate your muse’s traits, then tag your followers
compassion : 8/10 | bitterness : 4/10 | happiness : 3/10 | politeness : 6/10 | chivalry : 6/10 | pride : 9/10 | honesty : 5/10 | bravery : 10/10 | recklessness : 5/10 | ambition : 9/10 | loyalty : 10/10 | love : 7/10 | sense of family : 3/10 | attractiveness : 9/10 | agility : 4/10 | sex drive : 4/10
tagged by: @nightdaughtcr ♡ ( i call you out to do rune & leonoor) tagging: please, all of you & do tag me!
@xnostos said: “ saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing i’ll ever have to do. ”
a thousand times, they had ridden straight into death — unyielding, unhesitant. more time than he had ever wished he had found himself rushing down the endless road in desperate search for a sister of the aes sedai, each hoofbeat a prayer, because he had failed to keep her safe. too many times had he feared it might have been too late. the thought gnawed at him — silent, merciless — yet duty had ever hung too heavily for either to dwell long on such feelings. they had never felt the need to give such feelings voice. fear, resolve, relief — flowed between them like a clear mountain stream. yet no matter how perilous the path, he knew neither had ever truly considered a thought of not seeing through having that mission accomplished. never had it crossed their minds that the wheel might have not intended for them to see it.
❝ don't say goodbye then, ❞ lan said simply in return. his voice remained its usual calm. his stillness fractured only by the shimmer of unshed grief. tension set in his jaw ; defiance against everything her words dared imply. at last, lan turned from the jagged line of the horizon & met his aes sedai’s eyes. turned her way to fully face her. reached out & took her delicate hand in both of his. his thumb brushed gently over her knuckles, then over the great serpent ring upon her finger. ❝ what you saw — it may not be meant for tonight, nor tomorrow. & i’ll keep doing all i can to protect you. or die trying. ❞ he might have sworn to draw as she say 'draw' & sheathe as she say 'sheathe'... to come as she say 'come' & go as she say 'go', but he would not allow her to pull him from her side for yet another time. to face the shadow all by herself.
Moiraine vs Lanfear showdown in "The Wheel of Time" S3 finale trailer

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Lanfear tilted her head and looked at Moiraine. She took everything about her in, adding everything to her memory, a memory to be used the next time they met. Knowing someone's baseline was helpful so she could sense whenever something was off with the other immediately. She had a gift for noticing how someone felt. Or was it just that she saw the person she was with? All of them, the light and the dark parts.
"No one and nothing ever gives you what you want Moiraine." She leaned forward, getting into the other's personal space more. Her gaze returned the stare, waiting for the other to break it first. "If you want something, you have to take it." She had learned that the hard way. She had never gotten what she wanted, not the recognition she deserved, or the person she loved above all. She wasn't even the dark one's favorite, even though she had been the one to release him (even though it had been by accident).
The forsaken leaned back, examining how the other reacted to what she had said. Yes, Moiraine was Aes Sedai, and they were more challenging to read, but those eyes, those eyes said everything she needed to know. She didn't react to Moiraine talking about impersonating. "You don't know anything about me. You seem to have your opinions ready; you are so certain about your ways, even though you know nothing." Her brow furrowed; that was something she found so strange. Moiraine had someone here, in front of her, from the age of legends, and even though they were on opposite ends, why not take the opportunity to learn?
her breath caught in her throat the moment lanfear leaned in, as though the very air between them thickened into something that refused to be drawn. it was all the worse for not being the first time the forsaken had invaded her space — yet it never dulled her reaction. the other's words, no less than her nearness, threatened to shatter moiraine’s defences — to unravel her composure beneath that relentless gaze. still, moiraine did not so much as blink. if anything, a flicker of curiosity lit her gaze. it was easy for most to believe the world painted in black & white. small-minded folk, rarely seeing past the tips of their own noses, casting judgement on myths & legends that may have held little to no truth. ❝ is that what you did? ❞ moiraine found herself asking. it was difficult to tell what made her head swim — the oppressive heat within the sweat tent, or the ghost of breath brushing her skin, as moiraine refused to flinch. ❝ did it bring you all that you truly desire? ❞ she pressed, daring further. nearly all her life, she had submitted to the path the wheel laid before her. there were things she had run from, had managed to escape — but some truths lived in the bones, & some paths were simply not meant for you... & what was it that lanfear truly desired? a question that lingered in her mind far more than it ought...
the corners of moiraine’s lips curled — just barely. perhaps she was not quite the open book the other woman believed, however keenly those blue eyes seemed to peel away her masks, one by one. or perhaps it came with the faintest glimmer of satisfaction — seeing lanfear, for once, on the back foot. a rare pleasure, watching the ever-poised falter. she had not been wrong... it was a sore subject, even if provoking a forsaken in such a way might well have been suicidal. & even if it had not been her true intent. ❝ i’m merely asking you to drop the act. or, better still, leave the girl be. she’s haunted enough without your meddling, ❞ moiraine said, matter-of-fact. she had idly watched those bruises bloom & fade on egwene’s neck for long enough. ❝ unless, of course, you wish rand to know the whole of it. ❞ surely neither of the kids would ever trust her again, were they to learn of her involvement in this little scheme ; & yes, she had long suspected it had been lanfear’s design from the beginning.
˜”*°•. His eyes locked on hers momentarily . His mind overwhelmed by the need to feel the One Power again . It was terrifying . How dependent he felt on it , how addicted even . How its mere absence was enough to ignite panic within his head . And yet, it was her next words that distracted him, that got a scoff to escape his lips. ❝ Is there really anything I can afford ? ❞ His life was already decided ; choices looked down on , any attempt at following a different path, severely judged . Prophecies upon prophecies with his name written on them ; every step was already determined . But no , apparently even anger was excluded from his rights as well as everything else really .
❝ I am fine . ❞ Words he didn’t know whether were meant for Moiraine or himself . He’d crossed the line , he knew that well . Just like he knew he’d been recently losing control more and more frequently. It was dangerous . One wrong outburst and innocents could lose their lives . He was trying, though ; he was trying to simmer down the anger with how unjust everything was, he was trying to fight off the fear for his fate, he was trying. And yet, somehow, this feeling of inadequateness was still haunting him like a shadow . ❝ It won’t happen again . ❞ A promise he didn’t know if he could really keep .
It was then that the restraints began to ebb away into nothingness . It was then that the feeling of completeness began to rush through his veins again . This emptiness, this hopelessness, this loss of meaning, suddenly succumbing to the presence of saidin , disappearing into the thin air . ❝ Or they could be worse . ❞ Was the mere response to be given to her . None was to say that his next life would be any different ; that it’d be peaceful or happy . But it wasn’t some future life that he cared for . It was this and whatever time he got left . If he lost the war, he’d die , and if he won it , he’d be destroyed by the corruption. ❝ I want to do it for the people I care for . But I also want to have a saying in whatever life I got left . I know you think it’s the corruption talking , but I am still fine . I don’t know why you’ve stopped trusting me . ❞
it felt as though dark clouds gathered overhead. a sheer hopelessness one felt when swept left & right by a merciless tide. moiraine made no attempt to hide the sadness that stirred in her gaze as she looked at rand. such weight ought never to have rested on shoulders so young. neither of them could truly see what the future held, & what little they did know bore no optimism. those threads they glimpsed truly shimmered with grim possibilities rather than hope. at times, it was easy to forget she had been no older when the prophecy had upended her own life — & that she, too, had known precious little of the road ahead when first she set foot upon it. ❝ no, ❞ it fell like a stone in still water, rippling through the space between them. for such a short, simple word to weigh like a thousand burdens... ❝ neither of us have, ❞ she reminded him quietly. he was the dragon, but his friends, too, held roles no less vital in the last battle. a single careless step could cast everything into jeopardy.
the aes sedai wished she could take his promise at face value. wished she could trust that he was strong enough to withstand & master the raw force within him — power meant to grow in ways they might never comprehend until it happens... & even as the weaves faded, saidar lingered around her a moment more — the rush of it a balm against the strain of shielding rand. it wrapped her in warmth, sweet & fleeting, like a final embrace before parting. she understood ; the yearning to hold onto it, to have one's senses heightened, the world sharper, more alive, more beautiful. to forget the darkness, if only for a moment...
moiraine stepped closer & lowered herself to her knees, hands folded in her lap. she no longer wished to stand above rand like this. ❝ only if you——— we fail, ❞ she said, voice softened, eyes holding his. ❝ & only if there's still going to be a world left to be reborn in. ❞ though their fates felt long written, there was comfort in knowing they still held sway over what was yet to come. comforting as much as it was terrifying. they were threads themselves, shaping the final design of the pattern. ❝ & then you’ll fail, ❞ moiraine murmured, gaze dropping for a moment. it was not something she wished to tell him. but again & again had she & lan faced the same dilemmas . it would have been easy to collapse beneath the weight of consequences her choices might unleash — the crossfire that could claim the ones she loved, their lives thrown away in vain. ❝ i... i constantly fear what might happen to lan if i fail. i’ve tried to protect him, too. ❞ moiriane shared after a prolonged moment. ❝ but he chose to fight — even knowing i would give my life for the cause. for you. ❞