𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕒𝕪𝕟𝕖𝕤

      the truth was, if not for their affair, samuel would still appreciate holland for always jumping in when he needed it. he loved his kids, but they were a handful, and if not for holland, he was sure he wouldn’t have been able to cope. the man gave him a grateful smile, trying not to dwell on what he’d said beforehand, while they moved on to grab some decoration for the tree.

      he grunted in agreement, but was more pleased with holland’s following words. sam nodded his head, “ well, that’s a relief, s’gonna be real hard for me to get everything in — could use the extra help. ” his lips curved up into a smile, the temptation to slip an arm around holland was surprising, though he managed to fight it. “ and the view is appreciated, ” he added quietly, flashing a wink at the other, as he wrestled with elio and nova to get a lid on their drinks, “ you ain’t makin’ this easy on me, huh? ”

      he leaned down to hug and kiss his children, beaming back at holland and nodding his head. they made their way over to the hot chocolate station, somewhat unimpressed by the mess that had already been made of it, though the kids quickly found enjoyment in building their own whipped cream and marshmallow mountains. sam was definitely going to pay for this sugar rush later. he leaned into holland ever so slightly, “ you never said if you were spending christmas with us or not. ”

         holland watched with amusement as elio and nova made it their mission to pile on whipped cream and marshmallows. ‘ i think that’s more whipped cream than hot chocolate, ‘ holland hummed before turning his attention towards samuel. ‘ who else am i going to spend christmas with? ‘ holland had no real intentions of going home for the holidays. there was nothing really there for him other than a few friends but going back meant there was too much of a risk. 

      he’d came straight from work, and it had been a hell of a long day. in fact, samuel really wasn’t in much of a mood to go decorate a damn tree, but upon making his way into the square, and finding holland and the kids, his children who seemed all too excited with the festivities, sam warmed to the idea. he smiled as he made his way over, “ I wouldn’t say no to a hot chocolate. ”

       holland looked up when he heard sam’s voice, the kids letting go of his hand in order to great their father.. he wasn’t all that surprised that sam was the one who showed up. it wasn’t as if holland was exactly expecting his wife to come along. ‘ seems like you arrived just in time then. ‘

he narrowed his eyes, glancing back at the other and smiling. a lesser man, in holland’s position, may have jumped on the opportunity to encourage sam into a quick decision, but he didn’t, and sam could appreciate that. he closed their distance, placing his hands on the counter top either side of holland’s frame, “ not a chance, you’re all mine.”

he nodded his head, though he knew that this was simply the final straw with mia. he didn’t care to mention things that had happened before, he didn’t care to mention his feelings disappearing because holland had already seen it all, just in subtle ways. what happily married man turned to cheating? sam knew he was no saint, he knew he wasn’t a great father, but he tried to be here when he could, he loved his kids, and wanted to be around them as often as he could. but naturally, holland offered a more level headed approach, and sam would take it seriously. he gave him a small smile and nodded, after all, they may have been seeing one another, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t an au pair, their employee, someone far from appropriate to be discussing his marriage woes with.

“ she gave birth to them, ” sam agreed, though the mom title had certainly not been a title she supported these past few months. he shrugged his shoulders, “ she lives a good life. you have to understand when I met mia —- she didn’t want children, ever. we never planned for kids, obviously, we had them fairly late but… when we had elio, she was a good mom, less so when nova followed.” he paced slowly, “ we brought you in because she wanted to go back to work, understandable, but she still has an —- allowance from me, if you can call it that. she doesn’t have to work, she chooses to, which I can understand, but she works nine to five, and she doesn’t walk in those doors till —- eight sometimes. ” sam rolled his eyes, and stopped, offering holland an apologetic smile, “ sorry. this isn’t for you to be hearing.”

his head tilted to the side ever so slightly, he should have expected holland to have the same questions as him, but he couldn’t quite find the answer. a gentle sigh left his lips as he shook his head and shrugged, “ I’m not sure. I like you —- perhaps more so than the others, but I don’t know exactly. it didn’t seem like something to think about, but I actively tested you… without a second thought. ” sam rubbed his lips over one another and gave him a small smile, “ maybe I wanted to know I could trust you. ”

he smiled in return, dropping his hand and nodding at the question, “ they called me because —- when asked about where his mother was, elio said he didn’t know, he doesn’t see her much. they were wondering if something had happened, did they need to change the contact details they had for the kids. ” it was obvious that sam was a little amused, but he knew that he needed to have a conversation with his children, perhaps his wife too. his smile didn’t stay for long, and sam shook his head as he pushed himself from his leaning position on the counter, and wiped a hand down his face, “ she used to be great with them, now she’s not around as much. I don’t see the point in having her here. ”

sam smirked at the reaction, holding up a hand in reassurance, “ don’t worry —- it’s an understandable thing, when I explained who you were to them, they got it. you pretty much raise my kids, holland, it’s not so crazy that they’d think you were another parent. ” he paused, tilting his head to the side as he took another sip, and lowered his glass to the counter, “ although, it’s not like they have a mother. ” sam moved towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “ I’ll talk to him, I just thought you should know, ” it was obvious the older man found amusement in it, but he didn’t want to scare holland off.

“ I want to, ” he murmured, “ and you should know —- you arent the first affair I’ve had, even though I’m sure you know that by now… but it’s never been like this. not even my wife knows what kind of things I do at work, she gets paid, she doesn’t ask questions. nobody else did either, but I showed you. ” sam was speaking out loud, but it was simply his own thoughts, running through them as if they were silent, why had he invited holland to work? why had he shot a man in front of his eyes and waited for a reaction? it was strange to think he’d been so reckless, so willing to test boundaries. he bowed their heads together, “ I’m sorry. ”

he nodded his head, still his fingers worked their patterns over his back, knowing how to comfort, though it had been a long time since he’d offered it. they laid there for a short while, a comfortable silence lingering between them, before sam spoke again, “ what I did a couple days ago —- testing you like that, it wasn’t fair. I’m sorry. ” and it hadn’t been, he’d never revealed that side of him to anybody who he hadn’t worked with before, and he had no idea why he’d chosen holland as the first, but his manner in doing so, even if it had no affect, had been cruel. he leaned back ever so slightly, looking in the others eyes, “ really.”

and with that, they head home. they baked cookies with the children, or they did most of the work and the children ran off to play as they always did, elio sporting his new dress. samuel was just emptying the dish washer when he recalled the phone call he’d received while shopping for the dress. “ so apparently, ” he murmured, bringing his glass of wine to his lips, “ elio is telling people at school that he has two dads.”

sam’s expression softened as he pulled holland into an embrace, not something they’d done before, despite their multiple tangles, he’d never simply held the other, till now. “ I won’t let anything happen to you,” sam murmured, “ —- do you feel safe with me? ”

      he nodded his head, “ mad? ” samuel repeated, almost in confusion, but it was right of holland to ask, wasn’t it? the older man let out a gentle sigh and shook his head this time, “ not mad. concerned. you may not want him dead, but if he were to come looking, you are with my children almost every day, almost all day. ” samuel let his hand fall back to holland’s back, stroking his finger tips up and down his back, “ you need to tell me, darlin’… be honest from now on. I care about you, and you’re livin’ in my house, so I need to be able to keep my kids safe, need to be able to keep you safe, understand? ”