imagine if you will: youāre 12 years old. youāre just about to hit puberty. you only moved to this town 2 years ago so you donāt have a lot of friends. your dad is dead so your mom is raising you on her own. your mom loves you but also kind of hates you because sheās a stressed out single mom and you have all the attitude of an almost teenage girl.
one day your mom takes in a lodger. heās handsome and looks just like your celebrity crush. he also lavishes you with all the positive attention your mom doesnāt give you, and he touches you in a way that your almost-teenage body likes.
mom carts you off to summer camp. you hear that the lodger is marrying your mom but youāre far more interested in this boy whoās touching you and youāre touching him and itās new and dangerous and exciting.
the lodger who is now your stepdad shows up at camp one day. you need to leave, because mom is ill. you had to leave that boy behind but you still have new teenage hormones rushing through your veins, and your stepdad is still handsome and heās still touching you, so you touch him back like you did with that bot.
turns out your mom is dead. stepdad takes you travelling across the country. youāre grieving for your mom and your stepdad wants you to touch him again and again and again so you do.
finally you settle down somewhere, but stepdad doesnāt allow you to have friends or date boys or do much of anything. you meet another man who lavishes you with attention and promises the freedom your stepdad denies you. you think you love him so you run away with him.
it turns out this man doesnāt love you, he wants to use you to make pornography. you refuse, and he kicks you out.
youāre lost, youāre homeless, feeling used by the two men in your life. you find a way to survive, and you meet a man closer to your age whoās good and decent and everything the other men werenāt. you marry him because you should and you get pregnant but heās just a handyman and youāre just a waitress and you donāt have much money. you call up the only family you have, your stepdad. he wants you to run away with him but you donāt love him and you never did. he gives you the money you need then kills the man you fell in love with when you were 14 years old. you give birth but the baby is dead, then so are you.
and in another universe, a man writes a book about your stepdad and your name becomes synonymous with a flirtatious, promiscuous young girl who seduces men but itās not your name, itās a name your stepdad gave you, and your real name is forgotten behind the image of the girl thatās not you with a name thatās not yours