Should I be flattered? Do these words have power and influence over my self-perception? Should I be grateful for this attention? Do I like this attention? Do I want more of it? If not, what are these presumed insecurities of mine that I am projecting? Is this harmful or harmless to my long-term self-esteem? What is trying to be achieved? Am I supposed to return the compliment? Are things supposed to escalate? Is my outer appearance a good measure of my own worth? Is it how I want to be valued?
If someone puts extra effort into their outfits, makeup or hair, it’s nice to be noticed. A compliment here or there is harmless…but many people have trouble deciphering when these words get toxic–when men believe their words have power and influence over the self-esteem of others, and use it as a tactic for sexual dominance, or to lure in the insecure and vulnerable into bed, or when the insecure become addicted and rely on this attention to fill a forever void that can’t be filled.
Just remember, complimenting someone’s outer appearance is EASY. It takes zero effort to look at someone and make a comment based on observation.
Whether you’re giving or receiving the attention, whether you have an agenda or simply want to make someone’s day, dig a little deeper.
Taking the effort and care to get to know someone, and finding value in what you learned about their existence, sense of humor, wit, intelligence, emotional intelligence, contributions, skills, accomplishments, potential, character traits, etc. is flattering and promotes people to be their overall best selves. Focusing on the outer just promotes people to live at the gym or in front mirrors. But also, practice how to source this confidence from within and be forever self-sustained.
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