the fategist

ASOS CURVE - Scoop Back Maxi Dress in Crinkle - $48

For eating breakfast under the pergola of the house you rented via AirBNB because it looks just like the villa from Call Me By Your Name.

And Comfort - The Apron Dress - $140

UGH. I love this dress. I finally took the plunge and ordered it and it should be waiting for me when I get to the office tomorrow. I am so looking forward to wearing by itself for summertime activities like walking up the block to get ice cream, or wading into the fountain in Lincoln Square before going to drink beer on the roof of Gene’s Sausage Shop or going in to work on a quiet Friday before leaving early to catch a matinee.

Loft Plus - Sleeveless Wrap Dress - $79.50

Any boat you step on while wearing this, whether it be an oversized yacht ferrying a few hundred office workers about to embark on a booze cruise or a trim motor boat on the Grand Canal in Venice, will no longer be a mere boat but a mighty ship that was made solely to take you to wherever your heart desires.

Or something.

Onion Cut and Sewn - Grecian Lace Halter - $275

Maybe it was because I just returned a bunch of things that I felt just lukewarm about, that I bought in a frenzy because they were inexpensive. But then they arrived and I tried them on and they fit but I wasn’t feeling it.

One dress was a wrap dress that looked super cute but the print was meh. Another was a shift dress with flared sleeves that had in incredible huge graphic pattern but it did not make me happy. A white eyelet blouse with a yoke that was super boxy when I wore it. And so on and so forth. I was happy to have had all these options but that’s what they were. Options. Choices I didn’t have to make. Clothing I did not have to wear just because they happened to fit me.

So I guess I was in a shopping state of mind (when am I not, though) when I found And Comfort, and happened to fall for The Apron Dress (https://www.andcomfort.com/collections/all/products/the-apron-dress-black). 

Organic cotton, clean lines (MINIMAL FTW), can be worn alone (SUNDRESS SUNTIMES FUNTIMES) or layered (over a turtleneck and with some clogs to serve up pottery teacher realness).

AND IT HAS POCKETS.

Even Hiddles is impressed!

This cost almost as much as much all the stuff I returned. But it’s minimal and versatile. It goes with pretty much everything I already own, and looks comfortable AF. There are no distracting buckles or ornamentation so it should be easy to accessorize however I like.

And while it is made of cotton, I think it can go beyond spring and summer into fall if layered with tights and a sweater. Which is important when you live in the frozen north (read: Chicago) as I do.

I could see this becoming a uniform of sorts, with many many variations and ways of wearing it. So when you do the math $140 for a single garment doesn’t seem like a such a bad price after all. Right?!

But I never forgot about Vanessa and her freezer bags. It was so in character for the organized, utterly prepared Miss Kensington. And also because it’s such a great idea. Everything is easy to see and find, and can be left in their bags until they are needed. You can press the air out of bags to compress the contents, and thus you can fit more stuff into your bag.

It took me a while to adopt this method, because I am a messy beast and a procrastinator. And there was something sort of glamorously messy in running off to the airport, as though I were always on the road, and on the run.

This was a terrible method. I’d leave behind items I wanted to bring, and what stuff I did bring would look terrible, be inappropriate for the occasion, or be not as clean as I’d thought. But what choice did I have?

I guess I could have shopped at my destination but if you’re not wearing straight sizes it might still be a crapshoot depending on where you go. Even if you did find a place that could sell you clothes that fit and, even better, you liked and could afford, that’s still time you’ll have to spend buying clothes when you could be, I don’t know, drinking vinho verde at a bar located on top of a multi-story parking garage in Lisbon.

A few times I tried rolling my clothes, which is supposed to make them less wrinkly and afford you more room in your bag. That only works for skinny people, I am convinced. A pair of XXS yoga pants will roll into something not much bigger than a falafel wrap. My XXL cargo pants from Old Navy will not get any smaller than, say, a steak burrito. And shoving underpants into a pair of Toms doesn’t say packing technique or hack so much as utter desperation when your knickers are typically bigger than a tortilla.

Freezer bags, that’s my number one piece of advice. Treat yourself to the kind that zip, as they are just a few cents more than the kind that don’t. Fold or even roll your clothes up. Insert into bag, compress to get the air out, then zip shut. They’re also handy for packing liquids -- dressing, foundation makeup, and lube which, should they spill, should be pretty well contained.

Make a list of what you intend to bring, and cross each thing off as you pack it away. The internet abounds with packing list generators. I don’t have a specific recommendation, but the ones that ask you where you go and when you are going tend to be decent because they can give you the weather forecast and perhaps even recommend places to eat lunch.

We can have a long discussion about carry-on luggage and maybe one day we will, but for now let me say: whatever you pack make sure it fits in the overhead bin. If it doesn’t, check it like a good girl and vow to do better next time.

But if you’re like me and do only carry-on luggage, do not pack any more than you yourself can carry. If you have mobility or health issues that prevent you from doing so, remember to thank whoever ends up managing your bags for you, at your direction. I’m trying to find a way to express this without sounding like an ableist shithead so weigh in if you had advice on that point.

I think when it comes to figuring out what to wear, I say this: wear whatever you want.* Layers are key, that’s what everybody says, but those layers need to breathe no matter where you are.And check the weather before you go. I didn’t before a nine day trip to England when it always seemed to be on the verge of raining without actually providing the relief of precipitation so I felt like the entirey city of London was sweating upon me, all while wearing jeans with long sleeved cotton t-shirts, and I was miserable. But worse than that I was too stubborn to just go to the Evans in Oxford Street or the Selfridges, also in Oxford Street, and buy myself something.

*The one thing I will do, in following the advice of travel professionals and those travel bloggers who post shit like text posts that say “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” without any kind of irony, is keep my travel wardrobe in the same color family. Pick three colors, neutral or not, and just go for it. When I went to Lisbon in 2016, this is what I packed: https://www.instagram.com/p/BDfeHemRuUk/.

I once spent nine days in Ireland with no trousers/pants except these fancy hiking pants I got at Columbia. I hiked exactly twice during that trip, and the rest of the time I walked around Dublin and Galway and Dingle and Killarney looking, and sounding, like a sentient windsock. I got stuck on the hiking part instead of focusing on the fact that I’d spend most of my time walking around cities, drinking and eating and occasionally sitting before eating and drinking again. I could have used a pair of jeans, a warm sweater, and ankle boots. I solved part of my problem by buying myself a beautiful Irish wool cardigan at the Aran Sweater Market in Killarney. I love that thing.

Last spring I went to England for nine days (what is it with me and nine day trips to the UK?) and did more hiking but instead of bringing proper hiking boots I brought LL Bean boots. They were okay for tromping in mud. Not so much for going up steep hills as I am passed by surly French teenagers wearing Adidas.

I think the moral of the story here is I should give up on hiking as an activity. That, and I need to be more honest with myself about what I can and am willing to do when I got on vacation.

But for, say, three days in New York over Easter weekend? This was my last trip, and I packed:

light coat or jacket

scarf to layer with coat -- make it big enough to use as a blanket on the plane, or shawl for modesty

handbag or purse -- crossbody or GTFO

special outfit or dress -- I went to Le Bernardin with my brother for lunch on my birthday, and I wore this Target x Victoria Beckham collared shift. There were rabbits embroidered on the collar tabs. It was the best.

two shirts -- both were long-sleeved

black Old Navy pixie pants -- no pockets but comfortable, and more elegant than jeans

sneakers -- Converse seems to be the default for everybody ever, and I am not special so of course I have owned many pairs though I am down to one pair at the present -- mine are Comme des Garcons because while I am not special I am for sure quite extra

flip-flops for wearing around your hotel room/AirBNB/friend’s guestroom

black leather ankle boots -- sturdy sole, a heel if you care for one

underthings (bra, underpants, garters, slips, socks, hosiery)

jewelry -- just a few things that you might be able to wear at once or put away in an Altoids tin. I wear a watch, stud earrings, sometimes a silver button or a brass heart from In God We Trust that says “bitch please”.

makeup/toiletries

My next trip is London (yes again shut up I love it) and Venice (baby’s first trip to Italy) in September. I have no idea what I’m going to wear. Maybe a trench coat, Hunter boots, and not much else.