The Lolball's Corner

[Image ID: A digital illustration Taako and Kravitz from The Adventure Zone. Kravitz is a humanoid man with dark skin, slightly pointed ears, red eyes and hair in dark brown twists. He is holding his scythe, which has a sprig of mistletoe tied to the end above his head. Taako is an elf with brown skin, long pointed ears and along blonde braid that fades to pink. Both of them are dressed in winter clothing and embracing beneath the mistletoe as they gaze at each other tenderly. Behind them, snow falls in the night sky. End ID]

Watch Aviva, bisexual kitchen superstar and royal mistress, and Isaac, the palace wizard, try to invent the perfect gluten-free challah in this comic written by me and drawn by theloserfish on commission.

This is a background moment from the fluffy lgbtq fantasy book A Harvest of Ripe Figs. If you were wondering what kinds of work it took to create that gluten-free challah Aviva brings to Shabbat in the middle of the book, read on!

Transcript: Queen Shulamit gets sick if she eats gluten, so on Friday nights when everyone else is eating challah bread, she has to go without. Luckily, her partner Aviva is also her personal palace chef! Aviva has figured out how to make dough from wheatless flours, like chick pea and sorghum, but she can’t make them pull into long strands like wheat dough does. Modern chefs use xanthan gum to make gluten-free dough pull, but Aviva’s in a fairy-tale setting so she’ll have to get magical help. Can Isaac, the palace wizard, save the day?

Panel 1: Dough has expanded into tentacles, attacking Isaac. Aviva’s giggling.

Panel 2: Isaac is on the floor, covering his head. The dough is splatted onto Aviva now.

Panel 3: The dough turned into butterflies. Isaac says “so that’s what that spell does…”

Panel 4: The dough is mirroring Isaac’s hands. Aviva says “That’s just creepy!”

Turtle enjoying a nice morning stretch 

Moses commanded the red sea in the name of God, “Move, I’m gay.”

And the Lord spoke to his disciples, “Take, cronch. This is my body, given for you.” Then, lifting the wine, Jesus cracked open a cold one with the boys.

The blind man was made to see by Jesus’ hand, and he looked up in awe. “I’d like to thank not only God but also Jesus.”

The Pharaoh of Egypt would not relent, for he was the sand guardian, guardian of the sand, and the Israelites quivered before him.

Tied up and helpless, Samson’s wig was snatched.

On the third day, Jesus rose again. “I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me.”

“PSA: here are the new Commandments, thank you for coming to my TED talk.”

“Um OP literally created the world and everything in it but go off I guess”

Witnessing Jesus walking on water, the disciples were in awe: “Oh, my God — He on x-games mode”

Jesus, bound to the cross, spoke thusly:

Jonathan: Bro it’s just a dream

David: Gay, I wouldn’t fuck you

Jonathan: You wouldn’t?

tommy: ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦ

timmy: i must confess, i still believe