I am ......... just being here.

This is the Carrie Fisher post of body positivity reblog for a chocolate bar from her fridge

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon

Just saw my doctor type "FUCKED FOR LIFE" on my chart then he turned the screen away and stopped making eye contact with me

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

we have a new teacher this year who has never had kindergarten before & she rounded em all up & told em No Baby Knife and No Zombies and idk how to tell her that 1. all kindergarten recess games boil down to Give Birth And Kill Each Other and 2. the absurd vaguely inappropriate games they make up are usually better than when they try to play an Actual game like soccer

Baby Knife is straightforward. theres a baby knife. baby knife chases you. thats about it. when they try to play Real Sports every single child is playing by a different set of rules unbeknownst to the others and none of them are playing by the Actual rules. everybody is mad at everybody else and running up to tell on their colleagues for cheating every 3 minutes. this doesnt happen when they play Baby Knife

We were incredibly boring. We played "murder ball" which was just Capture the Flag over the whole school grounds (outdoors only) and violence was permitted using the ball.

we had British Bulldogs which was where one line of kids had to get past another line of kids (and vice versa) and violence was expected, much like we imagine dodgeball to be

We had Tackle Frisbee, which was "throw the frisbee, and then tackle someone". Didn't even have to be the person who got the frisbee.

If these games were happening on my school playground I didn’t notice because I was too busy playing Warrior Cats which despite the name mostly consisted of building a fort out of sticks/the snow depending on season and rolling around on the ground

prayer to whichever dead catholic person is most appropriate: may I not have to run a whole week of surprise camps on crutches. in a knee brace.

Im agnostic raised liberal protestant, but absolutely the catholics got saints right. Sometimes your problem is so fucking specific you need Some Guy. If you're listening, Guy of Workers Who Have Strain Injuries,

what the dog doin

you can just take it from their cart. its not their possession if they haven't bought it yet

if i were thrift shopping and you put your hands into my cart to take a unique handpicked item i was intending to purchase i would break your legs

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

if you use potholders how will you ever build up the calluses necessary to pick up scalding hot metal without burning yourself so severely? it’s like you’re not even trying to get better

I mean, my mother uses potholders, but she’s in her 70s. You’re just… too YOUNG to be resorting to potholders at your age.

If you start using potholders, your inability to hold hot metal will only get worse.

As a professional cook I was, and still am, able to pick most stuff up out of an oven without a pot holder. I might get blisters and maybe it will hurt, but usually it won’t

And what if I never needed their souls to be 'intertwined by fate'? What if all that I needed is for them to love each other because they have known and understood and shaped each other for so long? And what if I never cared about them ‘finding each other in every universe?’ What if all that I wanted is for them, in this universe where the odds were so stacked against them, to choose each other?

the spirit is unwilling and the flesh it feels not so good also