and by the sword you die

This is an indie, private, 21+ roleplay blog for Geoffrey McCullum of the 2018 video game Vampyr

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hunted by moss (29; she/her) | blogroll: @walriding​ ;  @miswaken​ ; @brightpoet​​

Geoffrey's naturally incredibly high resistance to mesmerism is pretty much the only reason Eldritch offered him a place with Priwen. The Guard wasn't in the habit of picking up stray children, even those orphaned by leeches. If it was convenient they'd see them to safety with nearby family or friends, or would simply leave them to their own devices if they seemed capable enough. They weren't in the business of child minding, and Eldritch tended to view anyone younger than late-teens as more of a liability than they were worth.

But Geoffrey managed to resist a leech's thrall -- tricks of the mind put on by his own father -- for three days at only twelve years old. Eldritch sees potential in that, and the fact that Geoffrey takes to the hunt with single-minded determination only adds to the boy's value. While he never outright holds Priwen's "charity" against Geoffrey, Eldritch makes it clear that he won't be catered to or coddled just because of his age. There's never a direct threat that he'll be thrown out should he prove less than useful, but Geoffrey very much internalizes the idea that he needs to prove himself to these people. Earn his keep. He knows he's an exception to their general rules of operation and comes to believe that his only worth as a person are the skills -- both learned and innate -- that he brings to the hunt.

monsterfucking

gothic horror

body horror

hurt/comfort

immortality but it’s a horror concept

psychological horror

blasphemy kink

stop making love to me while I’m trying to fuck you

ominous foreshadowing

age/experience gap

tagged by: stole it from @emilesmuseassembly

CHARACTER HEADCANON GENERATOR

Rules: Mark if the HC is wrong or right.

Geoffrey doesn't own a single pair of matching socks.

"I own multiple pairs of matching socks, though I admit there are a few mismatched sets. I just don't see the point in throwing away a perfectly good sock just because something happened to the other one."

Geoffrey hates being alone.

"I can tolerate it well enough, but I'd always prefer to be around other people."

Geoffrey cries while watching disney movies.

"I don't go seeking them out, but sometimes there's nothing better showing at a theater. And I'm not heartless. We'll leave it at that."

It would not take much for Geoffrey to turn evil.

"There's probably a good number of people out there who'd tell you I'm evil already. If you asked me a century ago I'd tell you that I'm evil now for being what I am. It's all relative, isn't it? But there are certain lines, certain principles, I don't think I could ever cross."

Geoffrey likes to eat straight coffee beans.

"I've never even thought to try it."

Geoffrey has been to prison.

"Never, and I'd like to keep it that way."

Geoffrey is tumblr famous.

"I'm only on social media to keep up with news and see where it might be worth hunting. I'm too old for all that internet famous influencer nonsense."

Geoffrey has a diary that they write in with a glittery gel pen.

"I keep journals for professional and personal reasons, but none of them have been written with that particular ink."

Geoffrey has an incredible short-term memory but an awful long-term memory.

"Ah, I think both of them are holding up alright. I write most things down, just in case, but I've always had a mind made for holding on. The real long-term memories are starting to go, though. Anything before I turned is... degraded, you might say. Everything after is still sharp. Sometimes unbearably so."

Geoffrey is a great artist.

"I wouldn't go that far. I doodle, that's all."

〢𝐁𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐋𝐘. ⤿ italicize what makes them uncomfortable.

the dark ⋆ fire ⋆ open water ⋆ deep water ⋆ being alone ⋆ crowds ⋆ confined spaces ⋆ open spaces ⋆ war ⋆ failure ⋆ loss of control ⋆ powerlessness ⋆ prison ⋆ blood ⋆ drowning ⋆ suffocation ⋆ public speaking ⋆ forest ⋆ the supernatural ⋆ heights ⋆ loss ⋆ dying ⋆ death ⋆ love ⋆ intimacy ⋆ rejection ⋆ abandonment ⋆ the unknown ⋆ the future ⋆ not being good enough ⋆ scary stories ⋆ speaking to new people ⋆ poverty ⋆ loud noises ⋆ lack of noise ⋆ being touched ⋆ forgetting ⋆ insects ⋆ dogs ⋆ snakes ⋆ illness ⋆ doctors ⋆ thunder storms ⋆ being watched ⋆ eyes ⋆ being vulnerable ⋆ needles or pointed objects ⋆ clowns ⋆ mirrors ⋆ isolation ⋆ shouting ⋆ change / fear of change

I have talked about Geoffrey's identity as a bisexual man and how he feels about it before, but it was years ago, so to recap: internalized homophobia up to here (I'm holding my hand up very high because he's very tall)

But it's also... not exactly internalized homophobia. Like with literally everything else about this man's psyche it's complicated. He had inklings when he was a kid that he liked boys, but it was something he more or less just ignored until he got a little older and feelings started turning into desire. And in the hypermasculine Priwen environment it became very clear to him that there was a sexual component to his interest, that it went beyond just really liking some of his friends. To make it clear he never engaged in any kind of relations or relationships with other Guards, there was nothing untoward going on -- everyone either viewed him as the kid they found on the side of the road or the scary untouchable leader, and he was careful to maintain boundaries from his side as he came into leadership especially . But he was around men all the time, and saw and experienced things that made the proverbial lightbulb go off. So yes, he's always been aware that he's attracted to women and men.

The problem comes with internalizing that attraction, let alone acting on it. On the one hand, Priwen wasn't particularly concerned with sex or sexuality. People that fell in with the Guard tended to be those who had lost friends or family, people who didn't really have a lot of personal attachments and weren't very pressed about relationships by extension. They had Chaplains in their ranks, there's a component of faith and religious weaponry in vampire hunting, but it's not as though the Guard was a religious order. But Geoffrey got it into his head early that he couldn't have anything outside of the hunt. So in that regard gender didn't matter, any relationship, any level of want was a distraction and a no-go. Bottle those feelings all the way up, if it's not hunting it doesn't matter. But also it was the early 20th century, which wasn't exactly an open and accepting time. Yes he grew up and lived in a homophobic society, and that did impact him. What other people were doing wasn't his business -- again, if it's not vampires it's not his problem -- but he did internalize ideas about being less of a man for wanting to be with other men. But that roadblock is less significant than his mindset of not being allowed anything outside of Priwen, so it's not exactly standard internalized homophobia. Just a lot of repression in a lot of ways.

Didn't always stop him from acting on his desires, though. Pre-game he's been with a few men (and women) sexually. All fleeting encounters with people he expects never to see again, in very 'it's not gay if you're on top / not the one sucking dick' ways. Beyond that I'll keep things vague because I don't like canonizing ships for rp purposes, but whether it's acted on or not I do think he had feelings for both Edgar and Jonathan (and for tragic purposes I'm inclined to say he didn't act on his feelings in either case until much later, if at all). Regardless, chastity has not been one of his virtues.

She isn't wrong, but she isn't entirely right, either. Any show of fear is enough to draw a predator's attention -- running is just one of the more obvious ways. But for a leech, a simple change in breath or pulse can be enough to pique their interest. And once they've honed in, no amount of placid behavior is likely to dissuade them.

That isn't what Geoffrey is worried about at the moment, though.

"I wasn't running from the damned thing." Quite the opposite, actually. But somehow in the chase things had gotten turned around. The leech got the drop on him, tried to take a chunk out of the hunter's shoulder, but he was faster with a stake than the thing was with its own monstrous teeth. It fled before he could track its path, and with the smell of rain in the air, he knows the likelihood of being able to pick up the trail is dwindling.

It probably won't get far with a stake between its ribs, but he'd prefer to see the job done all the way. The half-finished ones have a tendency to come back and bite you later, often literally.

He frowns around a clenched jaw. Sloppiness on the hunt is hardly becoming of a Guardsman, let alone their leader. There's too much to risk by working so shoddily, but there's too much at play to keep his mind fixed on any one task, too. Like now -- something about her words is already turning his thoughts away from pursuit.