there is no love in violence

He tried with his children, but none of them ever inhereted the immortal Light. A couple of them were born with other powers, but not the right one. Adam realized he needed to study why some people are born with Light and some aren't, in order to try and force it. So he founded the Light Research Association (LRA) in the late 1800s. This company began to hire the best scientists in order to study kids with Light.

The research was slow going without many breakthroughs, but Adam was determined to make someone immortal, even if it meant engaging in... unethical experiments.

Then, inexplicably, without any of Adam's intervention, in 1931 Adam's most recent fling had a child... one with a healing Light! The child's name was Isaac. Adam was ecstatic at first. Finally, a child with a healing Light like him! But Isaac was not like him. While Adam could heal himself, Isaac could only heal others. And unfortunately, Adam was already attached.

Adam tried for years to "evolve" Isaac's Light, to turn his healing inward so that he could be immortal too. But nothing worked. Isaac tragically died at 18 years old, leaving Adam completely and utterly in despair. That's when he fully lost it.

He threw himself into his research, cutting off the outside world and trying to figure out the secrets of the human genome. He tried cloning experiments, using Isaac's DNA as well as his own, implanted into embryos and incubated by various women, most of whom did not know that Adam was using them. (Evil, I know. Adam is a bad man.)

Most of these experiments failed, and Adam pretty much gave up. But little did he know, one of the women he impregnated actually did successfully give birth. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy that she named Asa. And Asa, unlike any child Adam had has before, actually inhereted the immortality Light.

But Adam didn't know this. He wouldn't find out that Asa was even born for another 13 years, when Asa finally gets caught by the LRA.

When Adam hears of the seemingly immortal boy that looks just like him, he can hardly believe it. He wants to introduce himself to Asa and finally be a father to someone that won't die, but he's hesitant. He doesn't actually know how immortal Asa really is. He doesn't want to get attached to someone who might die and leave him behind. So, Adam hired Dr. Jamie Hamlin to experiment on Asa and stress-test his Light, to determine if Asa truly is immortal. (This hurts Asa. A lot.)

When he's finally sure that Asa is immortal, Adam takes him from the LRA and tries to get him to see him as a father, but when Asa finds out that Adam was behind his suffering at the hands of Dr. Hamlin, Asa tries to run. Adam can't let Asa leave him. He's done being alone. So he imprisons Asa in his penthouse and gets to work on part 2 of his plan: "saving" humanity by bringing immortality to the rest of the world.

And as his first and only successful experiment, Asa's blood is the key.

---

———

The room is round and tall, finely decorated by a variety of pale sofas, all of good taste. They are spread around its shiny hardwood floor, which sparsely appears by the gaps of an extensive fluffy carpet. All the white is complemented by soft auburn pillows lounging over the seats, the warm morning sky being shown through a tall window—you had meant to make them comfortable, and by the kid's demeanor, it seems to have worked.

Evangeline wears a pink sleeveless sweater and shorts, fit for the weather, seeming comfortable. They'd asked to allow in some air. The faint breeze coming in sways her hair, and she isn't looking at you.

You flicker a pen and take out your clipboard, clearing your throat to draw her attention.

May I? You ask.

They don't look embarrassed in the slightest at having ignored you, but don't drag it out any longer at the question. The kid just stares back, prying her eyes away from the window and shrugging with a nod, settled on one of the round cushions spread around the room. It looks soft.

1. What emotion do they experience most often?

Ev seems to think for a while.

"I don't know," she concludes. "I don't exactly remember. It all…" she wanders off. "It all seems to blend together after a while."

"In the beginning, though, I think it was this heavy clawing feeling at my chest," they point out to it, mimicking the motion. "I don't know what to call it. It made it hard to breathe."

2. What do they dream about?

She averts her eyes from you, falling back in the sofa with a muffled huff. You try not to be offended. "Hm," she wets her lips. "A dream? I want a birthday party. A big one," she settles in, as if just deciding it. "But Eli has to be there. Since it's my birthday." They stare at the ceiling, not sounding that energetic about the idea in a way that makes you think they don't really believe it'll be real. "Though that won't happen. She doesn't always can."

3. How is their pain tolerance compared to the average person?

They hum, thinking it over, still laying down with their belly up. "Good, I guess. I'm used to it."

4. What’s their least favorite kind of pain?

You catch them tensing up in their spot. Evangeline rolls over on her side.

Her voice is low when she says, "fire." They don't move for a few moments. "I don't like fire."

5. Would they rather be hurt or humiliated?

She groans. "Neither. But I won't combust or anything, so it's whatever."

6. What could they be threatened with that would make them genuinely panic?

A little squeaking noise leaves their mouth, but it's low. "Don't tell her," she pleads, the sound starting to come out strangled. "I don't like the Chamber. I don't like it when she locks me there." You think you see the border of tears beginning to form on her eyes. "It's—I don't like it. I don't like it," she repeats. "I know I only—It's only when I deserve it, but I don't like it." Their voice breaks at the last words.

7. How do they feel about caretaker?

That makes the girl snap her eyes back at you. She sits up, rising her arm at her eyes to wipe them.

"She's the coolest person on Earth," she states, matter-of-factly. There's a glimmer of pride in there, despite how she sniffs. "My sister is smart, and she's very talented," they nod, smiling. "Did you know she rules NAIPE all by herself? And she raised me all alone," the grin on her face is fond. "I love her."

8. How do they feel about whumper as a person?

Evangeline seems confused. "But I just said that," she answers, legs crossed. "I love her."

9. Do they rationalize their pain at all? How do they cope with it?

They blink. "Do I what?"

You put down your clipboard and start explaining it to them. They make a face.

"It's nothing," she puts her elbow on her knee and supports a cheek on the hand. "I just get rid of it."

There's a pause.

"When she lets me."

10. If they could go back in time, what would they do differently?

Evangeline starts swinging back and forth, legs still crossed on the sofa. "Hm," they purse their lips. "I would be better." They look down. "I guess."

She doesn't give any further explanation. You aren't sure what she is talking about.

11. Would they trade places with whumper?

"No!" They answer, quickly. Then, looking a bit embarrassed, continue, "I could never be like her. Eli is strong, and smart. I'm not like that. B—besides," she looks down, playing with a lock of her bangs. "I'm the only one that can stay as is. If it wasn't me then—" their voice breaks again, and they take a while to recover it. "I can survive. I can bear it."

12. What do they think about while they’re resting/healing?

"Sometimes it's about wanting to go out again," they ponder, with a grimace. Their arms rise up to hug themelf. You don't think she notices it. "I know I shouldn't when Eliah says I can't, but—" they bite their lip, averting their gaze again. "Sometimes it's too much," they mumble. "And I wish she'd let me die."

Then there's a shrug. She seems to want to get rid of the thought. "I'm a good sibling, though. I don't disobey her. I… just. I eventually am fine."

13. Who do they trust most?

They don't miss a beat in answering. "Eliah."

14. So, what did they learn?

"Ah," you think their gaze is almost bitter for a second. It's quickly gone.

"To win points," she says. "I mean, not exactly points, but if I'm good today, I can, like, get the syringe in another, you know? It's the best. You don't even feel it, and it leaves nothing when you come back," she smiles softly. You feel a little uncomfortable and decide against asking what the syringe is. "When I can't have it, though, sometimes Eli lets me do it myself. I like it when she does. Even the phantom pain that stays isn't as bad, somehow," she shrugs. "So, yeah. If you're good, you get nice things."

She still doesn't look at you.

---

[Editor's notes:

Question #6 — "The Chamber" refers to a certain punishment applied by Eliah Nuray [their legal guardian) in the circumstances in which Evangeline misbehaves, albeit more rarely than other "disciplining techniques". The employee we consulted was hesitant in providing further details as to what exactly "the Chamber" entails, so it remains unclear.

Question #9 — Here, they are referring to the particularity of their power to retain the pain of death even after they come back. (They are also referring to it when they talk about "phantom pains" in question #14.) Evangeline often deals with this by merely dying a second time in a more painless way, making it so that the new death overwrites the first and its (minimal) pain replaces the previous one as well. It seems such technique is sometimes forbidden by her sister. (Also what they are referencing in question #12.)

Question #14 — Ev seems to be referring to a substance named pentobarbital, a type of fast-acting barbiturate, used in the process of painless euthanasia.]

———

Ev tag @yet-another-heathen 🫡

The blood gushed, sucked into the needle and pooling into the bag. Vivid, dense, and, despite what the one assistant to the back seemed to be hoping for, still red.

Ev swayed a little when they felt the sting of it going out, a little bead of blood poking out of the puncture, trying to leave as well. She felt dizzy. Dr. Var put the bag away, heavy and soft with all the liquid inside, noting down something on his clipboard. Reports to review later, maybe. She hadn’t tried to peek at them since she was little.

“Second load of genetic material,” a woman called. She wasn’t new. Which didn’t exactly mean that Evangeline remembered her name. In response, gloved hands approached and held their arms still, as if waiting for them to try and writhe away. They weren’t a kid.

Their gown—the new one, after Dr. Kevin ruined the last on Saturday—had its sleeves rolled up (something they could do on their own, but okay) to reveal the pale flesh underneath. Dr. Var was still on the back, unclipping a pen and labelling the blood pack they’d drawn. Evangeline’s legs dangled from the ground as they felt the sting.

She didn’t close her eyes. The pain, as always, just washed over them, retreating to the back of her mind. It wasn’t nothing she’d have to be restrained for. The one holding the scalpel halted, maybe in surprise. Which was kinda silly. Dr. Var had warned them, prior.

She’s used to it. Don’t worry.

As the guy got himself together and started peeling a couple centimeters of skin from their arm, revealing the warm, throbbing flesh underneath, she couldn’t help but feel a chill. The sterile air of the room always felt weird against that. The dizziness faded into nausea. Ev just stared at the ceiling.

Third load.

Hair didn’t really hurt. She tried to keep still and restrain herself to only send a glare towards Var to remind him to not mess it up. Last time, Eliah had let her off and just told them to gather the strays from the hairdresser, but even she couldn’t put it off forever. If it was Dr. Marcus, he’d give her a lollipop for the trouble. Oliver Varish wasn’t Dr. Marcus, and that was precisely why Ev did not like him very much.

They did not say that, because they were polite.

At some point, they’d tried strapping her down, which was a little rude. Dr. Var had the grace to just remind them it was unnecessary and ask her to lay down for a bit. She did, because she wasn’t rude, but her opinion of his new team wasn’t really going very well. To her luck, it wasn’t often he was in charge of her. So she tried not to mind.

Fourth load.

They breathed in. Let their mind wander for that, for the fifth. Not long, she reminded herself. Huy was coming tonight. The cook said she’d make pizza.

Sixth. Seventh. It was a little uncomfortable to have the bone meeting the chilly air—everything meeting the chilly air—and when it happened, it stung. Ev had gotten good at not screaming. Her breath only hitched when she felt hands around—

“Dr. Var,” they called. “The gag. Please.”

Someone startled at her voice. They didn’t roll their eyes. The doctor perked up at her request, and he gestured at someone. Thankfully, there wasn’t a lot of time left. She would’ve played with the hem of her gown to wait, but movement made everything light up a little bit worse, so she kept her hands to her sides. They would probably have made a fuss if she did, anyways.

They bit their lip. He wouldn’t get mad if they made noise. They just really, really, really didn’t want to. It was going to get harder. She could tell.

The unpleasant, familiar feeling of the antiseptic-tasting leather settled itself between her teeth, and Ev adjusted its grip on her mouth. There. They relaxed a bit. The reaction sent a painful signal through the poor nerve endings on her exposed belly, but that was now taken care of. So.

They settled themself and allowed the deep, piercing agony to make its way through every inch of their flesh. It was damp and warm, not so damp and warm now that it didn’t have the skin to protect it. Another bit of tissue was collected. They twitched. It was involuntary, and something they wished they hadn’t done. Something choked came out of her throat—which was currently in one piece—but the gag did its job. Another pang came. The next gloves were stained with red.

They would’ve made themself keep breathing for it, but then they reached it. Evangeline held itself still. It hit her. Stronger, constant, and someone went to remove the gag so they wouldn’t choke on their own blood, but they shooed her off. It was already ending anyway. She didn’t like choking, yes, but the alternative wasn’t really that much different.

As it always did, it took a painfully long amount of time.

The vitals she had been ignoring faded out of her hearing, and the familiar cold settled in. The heaviness. Everything went away.

Everything but the hard table her back still met, the chill air making her skin and everything else tingle. And the pain. When she was little, it scared her. Not so much now. Not at all. You just had to remember that there was no moving now, remember to not panic. You just had to wait, swimming in the sea of unwavering pain, until you were dropped into nothing and released. You just had to remember that there was no breathing now, and no light. That it was gonna get over soon. You just just had to wait. And wait.

And wait.

They’d counted, once. A couple times, just to make sure. But not anymore. It lasted only a quarter of a minute. Not however long your failing mind tried to convince you it lasted. They had counted. They could tell.  A quarter of a minute in this limbo, where she couldn’t quite speak nor move nor hear, only feel and feel and feel, and then, blissful, it came.

If Ev’s lungs had been working at that moment, she would’ve let out a sigh of relief.

When she came back, her body was in one piece. She sucked in a breath, winced. Okay, that was loud. Maybe not that much in one piece. There was a very nauseating churning around her middle that told her not all the organs had gotten around to it yet. But it was fine. They could already move.

And—the light assaulted her—see, too. The silence itched. Then they realized there was no hearing. Moving? That was all right. Evangeline rolled to their side.

The resting room. She didn’t name the relief at the realization that they were doing just one round, today.

It was only a little disorientating, dulled by the familiar environment. They must’ve poked around her brain, maybe. She usually recovered senses before moving. This was gonna be weird.

They hoped their sense of taste wouldn’t get fucked for too long.

The sun was already setting from the open window. Well. Not open. Evangeline had gotten their right to open windows revoked a few years ago. But the glass was clear. When she was steady enough to sit up, she stared at the sky head-on.

Orange. Soft.

Her cognition was a bit muddy, maybe.

The pain choked her, then. Evangeline was good at navigating it—it always, always was there when they came back, ready to greet them—but at times, they slipped. She tried drawing a breath, but it was ravishing. Burning, piercing and sharp and dull all at the same time. Metal sinking into the organs inside. Tissue being grabbed and pulled. Not all of it was memories. Evangeline expelled a load of air. Air. Right. Her lungs were working by now. The lump constructing her throat was just a ghost. As everything was.

Though it was not like it mattered.

The orange had nearly faded into night when the door opened. Or maybe her vision wasn’t really that great yet. The bracelet around her wrist, as always, alerted them to her waking up, but her ears weren’t working to alert her of their presence. Heri, one of the nurses. He was moving his mouth, and their vision was just a bit blurry. That was less the ongoing healing and more the after-effect. They had quit moving. It was too overwhelming, right now. No sign of being able to listen to anything, Ev tried to gesture. He interrupted himself. If they tried to speak, they could feel the vibrations of their own voice in their skull, but couldn’t really witness if the words would come as intended. Oh well. It should get the memo.

When she opened her eyes again, she was in the car. Somebody had dressed her. Ev’s head slowly started pounding from the roar of the tires meeting street asphalt. Ah. So that was back.

“You passed out,” a voice said from the seat just beside. Evangeline blinked, still battling the army of phantom pains for dominance and trying not to lose. She fell a little forward. The seatbelt had been strapped to her chest. Ev turned their head to look to the side.

Eli.

“Oh,” they said. Her hair was tied up. They held their breath for a while. Slowly pushed it out. Not better, but it’d have to do. “‘Kay.”

“Huy is waiting,” she informed, not looking up from her tablet. Still working on something, always working on something. Ev didn’t mind. She’d been across the state for the entire week. They missed looking at her face. “I heard your hearing hadn’t come back? It seems to be working.”

They just mumbled something in way of yes. Eliah hummed, smiling. It was as if it took the pain away for a bit.

“Good.”

———

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