faith

~

red and blue

makes me think of you

not because you loved it

but because of the night i lost you

closed my eyes for a second

the next you were gone

eyes closed in the driver seat

i’d never seen you so at peace

you looked pretty in a way

you always did

but you had a sort of glow

you only get when you’re dead

it was all too much for you

you’re no longer filled with dread

but how dare you fucking leave me?

you should be holding me instead

~

there it is that guilty feeling.

as i roll over i pray to a god that i don’t even believe in that you’ll stop.

i pray that you’ll come to your senses.

that you’ll realize you don’t want it because i don’t want it.

but you never do. you always keep going.

and i’m left lying there with that same guilty feeling i get every time.

and for some reason, i’ve grown to love it.

~

you’re starting to forget things but please don’t forget me

holding back tears because that’s how you raised me

no need for the crying

what’s meant to be will be

but who am i if you forget me?

don’t forget dancing in the dark

falling asleep in your arms

screaming and fighting because i’m just like you

hold my hand and braid my hair the same way you did when i was two

i feel you slipping

you forgetting things is new

but even if you forget me, i’ll always remember you

~

what is there to brag about?

all we do is scream and shout

complaining but i just can’t let you go

your mother thinks we’ll get married

but does she know what you do when i tell you no?

“at least i don’t hit you”

it’s what you say to me

but when you’re gone i don’t even miss you

lately i’ve loved to watch you leave

the only time i get excited is when you walk out the door

you call me baby and kiss my neck

but what do we try for?

if i only get wet when you walk out the door

~

you say it’s not your fault

you’re a different person when you’re horny.

you don’t know what it’s like

because i lay there and take it

and i’m always left mourning

i mourn what we used to be

who you used to be before all i was to you was a body

tasting the food you eat every night

under the blinding hospital lights

so bland and sickening

you’re crying and i’m scared

i’ve never seen your face with tears glistening

you’ve always been so strong

but it’s taking it all away

don’t know what i believe

but if god is real

i hate his ways

~

my eyes are wide open but i see nothing.

black? white? stars maybe.

i don’t remember which wall i’m even staring at.

i feel you between my legs.

i feel your hands groping my tense body.

my eyes are wide open but i don’t see it.

because if i don’t watch, maybe i won’t remember it tomorrow.

no title yet ~

give it to me baby

hard and soft

yeah lately i’ve hated you

the screaming makes me crazy

call me an ass

and then you kiss me

baby fuck you

whisper soft words to me honey

scream at me and keep me up till 2 am

sayin’ “baby do you love me?”

i hate you even more when i think of him

~ bite marks

and i can’t say no

to you

even after everything

you’ve put me through

you love me

in your own fucked up way

but i need you

i love you

i’ll give it all to you

cus i know i have to

to please you.

fuck me how you want

only love you when you’re gone

it’s gone.

it’s all gone.

i need you

i love you

i’ll give it all to you

~

bite marks on my arm

left from the night before

taste of salty skin

as you take me…

i cry…